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Trying To Keep My Relationship With Dh Going

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sadhana11, Feb 22, 2019.

  1. sadhana11

    sadhana11 Senior IL'ite

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    i have always been a silent reader. Jus wanted to vent out and get some views from you all. I married my boy friend with whom I was in relationship for 6 years before marriage. We both were from same community but different sub castes we had differences but finally our parents arranged the wedding. I had move to US since my husband was working here and I too came here. So I did not get a chance to be with my in-laws for long time except the first two weeks and when ever I went to India I would spend few weeks in in-laws place and rest at my place. My mil wouldn’t like me spending much time in their place and would ask me wen I am going to moms place and I wouldn’t mind that. It was ok ok till I had baby. They came to stay with us after I had baby for 6 months that’s when I got to know the hatred they had for me. I have been working last 2 years. She used to talk with baby and keep passing comments putting me down. She would talk like mothers will only clean **** for babies and would insist babies will prefer dad and grandpa and used to tell moms in those days will have babies only in the night. One day I got so pissed off and asked back do moms do only that. Bcoz I have a sil and my mil always used to say sil kids always wants their mommies for everything. And I have seen her mil saying that kids prefer only their mom and my mil used to say they all love the sil and her mil used to get everything for sil. I used to tell these to my husband. She would prefer grandpa and grandma have the baby full day and I just need to work. She is a kitchen freak. She never allowed me to cook wen she is there and wouldn’t like if my husband praises my cooking. I thought she is pocessive and wants to cook for her son and wouldn’t mind. Everyday her comments would hurt me so much. Due to my husband support I somehow managed those days and after they went I put my foot down that I can’t tolerate this behavior. So they did not come last year and my mil got even more angry and wen we spoke on phone too she was not willing to talk with me and if so she would ask if baby went poop. I stopped talking with her. my husband had a fight with his parents and after that they stopped talking like that an he said we can’t stay together unless they change. I can see the change in them but still mil tries to pull my parents down or doesn’t call me. She ll ask about me to my husband and talk when he is with me on call. My husband is planning to call them this Year for 3 months as I said I can’t tolerate these for more months. It was like hell. I really can’t come out of these and now if I complain to him he gets angry on me as he feels they have changed. It affects our relationship so much nowadays. When they have no respect for me I don’t feel good when they want to move with my son but can’t help it. Feeling lost. How to handle them? I am really scared how it is going to be this time. Please pour in your views. How do you all manage?
     
    GlobetrotterG likes this.
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    why Don’t you give them a chance to see if they have truly changed ? Make it a shorter trip because if they haven’t changed then 3 months is a long time.
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Baby steps. Can you make a short trip to India to see if their behavior has changed? OTOH if they are desperate to come to the US and see their grandchild they may put on a better act.
    A lot of your in-laws behavior is about control and their own insecurity. You can also mentally prepare by not engaging with them and ignoring them if they start saying silly things. When they are in your house you need not give up your kitchen to MIL. She can cook all she wants but you should make what you like for yourself. Be nice to your DH and son not complain too much about them and they are still his parents.
    Building a thick skin now will serve you well as your kid(s) grow and you receive all sorts of unsolicited opinions from family, friends and even strangers.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  4. sadhana11

    sadhana11 Senior IL'ite

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    @SinghManisha i have no option now other than wait and see if they have changed. My husband is already upset since now 6 months have become 3months so it can’t be shorter than that but he says if they don’t change they can’t come again.

    @MalStrom i already feel so lost. I had lot of respect for them but they behaved so bad and spoke as though he is their grandson and I don’t exist anymore. I don’t talk with them much after that. Now they don’t comment like that as they knew my hub will come to know. They are unhappy about me telling to hub.who else is in the same boat.
     
  5. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    There is no solution. Let them come. Let your husband see for himself again. He may understand something. I understand it's difficult. But think of it as 90 days. Keep yourself busy.
     

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