Troubled

U invite few of your neighbor to ur house not many though and see how it goes with them ...

 

Chat rooms are dangerous in my opinion. Chatting with strangers and fake id's may lead to more complicated issues. Most of these ppl are frauds who have nothingelse to do.

Your problem can be resolved through systematic approach. You are excluded from 'normal' groups just because you dont like the gossips they discuss there. If not interested, it would be a waste of time to you too. So dont try to change the 'world'.

You may identify your personal interests first. It can be cooking, music or dance. Find the groups where you can learn more skills in those specific areas. Naturally you will get connected to the ppl with same mind set you have. It may help you to grow as a person too.

Toastmasters club is good place to break your shell. Look for it.

 

I have news for you , most human beings are very average people. Most of them do not have charming personalities . But that’s perfectly OK ! Remember in life not everyone will like you, but that’s fine too. As far as you like yourself nothing else should matter. Work on liking yourself first before you work on others accepting you.




OK

 

I think your problem is not diagnosed or acknowledged.
From all your recent posts, it shows that you are slipping into depression. Looks like you have esteem issues, which is either making you an introvert or depressed person. Either way, the society excludes such fellas knowingly or unknowingly.
You really need to make conscious effort to change this. One thing could be a professional therapy, along with supportive counselling.
Sometimes, it is beyond your ability to change things on your own. You need support. Acknowledge that.

First of all, stop depending on others to feel happy.
What if your people ignore you, make new friends and socialize.
If it seems hard in person, you can always opt for social media.
Interact with all your real life friends, neighbors or whoever known to you (and reliable/good people of course) via social media (FB, whatsapp) and interact with them as often as you can. This way, you don't feel any shyness or discomfort. But you can still be active, and visible. It is easy.

 

How is this different from IL?

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@Amics Loved it !! I mean..... ' the emoji's you've used !'

 

Hi @parvathi1980

I am an introvert, despite not seeming like an introvert. In my real life, I am quite social, but sometimes I overshare. I am isolated by language and culture, in social circumstances, since I grew up in the US but join the social circles of 1st gen immigrants (because my husband prefers this). It's not that I don't understand what people say, but I could never create a decent bond with many people because I don't really get to talk about what I want to. When I have nothing to say or if I am not able to create the connections that I want, I clam up and prefer a quiet life. People do not energize me, they drain me. I can't go to parties without feeling exhausted and looking forward for the peaceful safe home environment. I prefer one-on-one friendships, which is quite isolating when none of my childhood friends live near me. And to be honest, I have very little in common with them too. At home, my marriage is not socially balanced enough for me to be satisfied, but luckily I have a son who I interact with to maintain my sanity.

But despite being an introvert, I was going crazy without adequate interaction with people (when I was a SAHM). I couldn't get out of it, and it really affected me - not being able to connect. The first thing that I did, when I noticed the emotional ramifications, is to search for a counselor. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't actually depressed or bi-polar, like my cousin. My cousin had difficulty communicating with people and making friends, but she is very loyal and friendly once she has them. My counselor did suggest that I may be depressed, but in my case, it could have been triggered by my toxic marriage. This first step actually helped me get out of my pity party. I didn't try to change my husband, instead I created a goal for myself. I started a blog and reached out to an indie book publisher, to pitch my idea for a children's book. I also started working. Amazingly, a year later, things are looking better. It is still tough to connect with people, but I have found some great friends through work, and I have found my passion.

So, after my convoluted long story, what I am really trying to say, is reach out to an unbiased person, who you can trust to share your thoughts. Begin a project or goal, to work on, so that you don't get pulled into the mundane, and pushes you out of your comfort zone. Join a dance class or gym, or a social media website (like Goodreads or Tumblr) or a meetup group, or something. Find something that brings you joy, and then you can share that joy with the people around you.

Here is an interesting site, that may help you through your journey. Introvert, Dear



I really don't know much about you, so please take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

 

@parvati1980

I understand how you must be feeling. How are you keeping yourself busy through the day? All that I am writing now may not be applicable to you, so pick n choose.

You seem to have self esteem issues. Accept yourself as a lovable person and love yourself unconditionally. I don't mean false grandiose image but seeing yourself as a lovable person with some positives n some negatives like everyone else.

As some of the suggestions here, take a proactive approach to make yourself happy like learning something new, meeting newer people n so on. You could also set small positive targets n work to achieve them. This will boost your confidence and improve your esteem. The new you will make a nicer impression on some people who matter. Gossiping people won't befriend you if you are better or lesser than them. So ignore seeking their approval. Don't whine or berate yourself as people generally avoid such persons.

I have a fatalistic conclusion that friends, love, success etc are always not directly proportional to your effort. There is a Sanskrit quote to this effect. Some are naturally blessed with good friends and some, even if they have all the best qualities cannot attract loyal n loving friends or relatives. So don't get worked up beyond a point. Focus on your body language and communication skills n see if that area needs improvement. Not for others sake but for your sake.

Shy people n introverts generally have issues in this area. With improved self esteem, you would gain confidence to speak up whenever required without experiencing any phobias.

IL has a nice mixed crowd, even regular interaction here helps to keep your spirits high.