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Travails Of A Would-be Father

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by Greenbay, Jun 1, 2018.

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  1. Mar 22, 2019 #81
    Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @Greenbay !
    First of all congratulations .
    I just read the thread , drawn to attention by its nomination by @GeetaKashyap .
    It is just so heartwarming and i feel so happy for you guys.
    No i don't think so. You are trying to be self -reliant and it the best emotion to have.
    Pragmatically ,also, as they are going to be visiting for a limited time, you would need to manage with all the help that you have currently.

    Grand parents are going to be additional support, during this crucial time and their affection and involvement would have lots of emotional benefits of bonding and love to the babies.
    Emotional security would also be an outcome, as 6-7 months age , generally, is when babies start exhibiting separation anxiety and having family members involved at that time would ease any insecure feelings.

    All the best to you guys :)

    Such a beautiful thread
     
    Afresh, Mar 22, 2019
    Afresh, Mar 22, 2019
    #81
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  2. Mar 23, 2019 #82
    Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    @GeetaKashyap , @startinganew @Afresh @satchitananda
    Thanks for the feedback and valuable suggestions.

    I also want to continue the arrangement as is due to same reasons you stated.
    1. The help we have hired needed many weeks to fine tune, so I don’t want to lose them at any cost
    2. I am strictly of the mentality that our kids are our responsibility. I don’t want to burden any of our relatives with any responsibilities. They can enjoy the babies as much as they want but diaper changes, feeding them, taking them for a stroll, dressing them, putting their soiled clothes for wash are all our nannies and part time baby sitter’s responsibilities. We also pay them extra for cutting vegetables, and rolling rotis etc. We really treat them like our family members with respect and dignity and they reciprocate the same. But wife says MIL might not allow Nannies in the kitchen till they are here.( plan is they will stay in US till twins are one and they will leave after the first birthday parties and celebrations). I dislike such class/caste/religion based segregation in kitchen. Wife says because of their age, we need to respect their restrictions and we can go back to our previous arrangement after they leave and I strongly disagree. Our nannies are elderly too, shouldn’t we continue to respect them?
     
    Greenbay, Mar 23, 2019
    Greenbay, Mar 23, 2019
    #82
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  3. Mar 23, 2019 #83
    startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    You are right, the fine-tuning is key. These care-givers will find other positions in the 5-6 months your ILs will be here and working with some one new will again take a few months of trial and error. This transition period is hard. Also like another responder mentioned stranger anxiety is at peak between 6 months to 1.5 yrs to 2 yrs. So it will be a completely different story with the new set of people you will recruit after your in-laws leave. Even if you end up having to do this - try to get 2 months overlap between grandparents leaving and hiring new nanny. It takes this much time for a smooth transition.



    I totally understand your feeling. If they can't accept someone else in the kitchen because of caste/class reasons - it is unfortunate. But if it is due to not being used to someone else cook for them - it took me some convincing for my mother. She and my father have never had any help to cook all their lives - I had to convince that I would like her to enjoy my baby - if she is involved in cooking and keeping the kitchen in operation - she won't have time to interact with the baby. She agreed but she had to hear quite a bit of comments from even her own sister - who was so shocked that my mother couldn't manage to make a curry and some veggies for 4 people. But I told my mom to not worry about these comments - no one knows our situation.

    The dynamics between the nannies and grandparents is quite important for peace at home. One of our nannies called my mother - elder sister - even though she was quite close in age - but this set the dynamic right - she was happy to take inputs, suggestions and stories - and the general environment at home was good. But one other nanny was much younger and tried to advice the grandparents on what they should be doing - that didn't bode well.
     
    startinganew, Mar 23, 2019
    startinganew, Mar 23, 2019
    #83
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  4. Apr 1, 2019 #84
    Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    @Greenbay
    Congratulations to both of you! Nice to read about your mom and it touched my heart.
    Arth and Aru! beautiful names and All the best to you!
     
    Mistt, Apr 1, 2019
    Mistt, Apr 1, 2019
    #84
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  5. Apr 1, 2019 #85
    GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations on winning the "Finest contribution" for March 2019, GB @Greenbay.
     
    GeetaKashyap, Apr 1, 2019
    GeetaKashyap, Apr 1, 2019
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  6. Apr 1, 2019 #86
    Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Dhanyavadagalu Geeta avare (Many thanks Geeta akka).
    I still honestly feel I don't deserve when likes of @Srama, @GeetaKashyap , @iyerviji @jayasala42 are all around!

    This thread resonated with many here as my heart breaks when I read so many cases of couple having trouble in conceiving and trouble in carrying to full term. I still thank my mother every day for her blessings. And of-course the IL community for all their virtual wishes

    I wish no one has to go through disappointments, miscarriages, waiting, and anticipation !! They say 'Sabr Ka phal Mitha Hota Hai' meaning 'Patience reaps rich rewards' but I wish no one needs to wait long to hold their offspring.
     
    Greenbay, Apr 1, 2019
    Greenbay, Apr 1, 2019
    #86
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  7. Apr 2, 2019 #87
    GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Okay, drop ''avare" & retain "akka" henceforth; I... like it!

    I understand your sentiments...Sarve jana sukhino bhavantu. But destiny has its own designs on each of us. Let's pray for strength to endure whatever comes in our share.:thumbup:

    Saphalta la ta hai Josh mein,
    Asphalta la ta hain hosh mein!:thumbup:
    (success brings happiness while failure brings in awareness/maturity!)
     
    GeetaKashyap, Apr 2, 2019
    GeetaKashyap, Apr 2, 2019
    #87
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  8. Apr 2, 2019 #88
    Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @Greenbay ,

    Hearty Congratulations first on your new born twins! Sorry, I have been remiss - many excuses but nothing should have stopped me to stop and congratulate. Very very happy for you! Trust both of you are enjoying parenthood - it is amazing how babies change us as people. Enjoy your new bundles of joy!

    Now, congratulations on winning the finest post - You are doing a wonderful job and this post certainly deserves the award. You are such a model for many a parent/spouse. Thank you for sharing!

    You speak Kannada? Congratulations on all counts once again and do enjoy every aspect of parenting - including sleeping when the babies sleep!
     
    Srama, Apr 2, 2019
    Srama, Apr 2, 2019
    #88
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  9. Apr 3, 2019 #89
    Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Wife is from TN and I am from KA. So I speak both state's languages and Hindi too as it is national language :)
     
    Greenbay, Apr 3, 2019
    Greenbay, Apr 3, 2019
    #89
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  10. Apr 3, 2019 #90
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations on winning the finest post.
    @Greenbay .:clap2:
    I nominated your post. :hello:
    You are a role model for husband's and dad's.
     
    Sunshine04, Apr 3, 2019
    Sunshine04, Apr 3, 2019
    #90
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