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Transition

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, Dec 2, 2018.

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Mar 3, 2019 #111

satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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Caughtinbetween said: ↑

Hello Uncle ,

I have been reading all your Saturday updates and the subsequent discussions about your volunteering experience since the beginning of this thread but somehow could not come around to post here . Its humbling to read about your time spent there and get to know about people in hospice at the last stages of their lives . Such opportunities in life which i vaguely hope to get sometime later in life , seeing you live through it today gives one a perspective of what to expect out of it . Few times where you mentioned about what patients go through in the last days , hours , mins of their lives , there energy levels , their breathing levels , sudden spike in the energy / activity levels feels so close to heart. Its as if all those days when my mother was in hospital plays in front of my eyes .Starting from when my father informed me that she is not recognizing anyone , all her siblings came to meet her and could identify none . When I landed and went to the hospital how she looked at me and smiled . How she would constantly ask for me from her hospital bed to press her legs , hands or bring her something to eat. How she would tell me what she wishes to eat and get her that. Even though doctors didnt permit , she would constantly look at the door waiting for me to bring that food . How she would get irritated when she has to repeat something multiple times to make us understand what she needs . I distinctly remember how she would clearly tell me once that this time she knew she would not make it back to home. How I would lie to her always that no , nothing will happen and that she would come back though i knew the harsh reality. How I would hide from her view often because i could not look at those tiny weak bare bone hands being pricked multiple times to find some blood . How I would often make excuses to come out of that room because i could not see her lying her like that . Though she was unwell for few years then somehow this felt different than the past times . That 48 hours before she passed away . How she recognized one of her brothers who she was most fond of but could not identify her other siblings . How i would tell her to stay strong , that my brother is coming soon to be with her. Those last few hours , when drs literally told us to be waiting in the waiting area just outside her room as time has almost come , bp was dropping , breathing was getting more and more battered and we be prepared for it now . last few mins when they were trying to resuscitate her and she was slowly slipping away . she constantly wanted me to be by her side and was looking at me even though she was on ventilator and had no body control . I could not look into her eyes and was hiding behind those drs and nurses . Could not gather courage to see her breathing her last. The sounds that she would make and that sudden bursts of energy just before the end and even a day or a two before ... all these things later made sense when I read about death rattle and brain surge during a battle of a young girl with terminal sickness some two years back .
Sorry , got carried away . as her third nears her thoughts and emotions just take over all my heart and mind .
Not a good feeling i know but sometimes when i see people around spending happy times with there parents visiting from india and how they proudly tell what their moms cooked for them , what they did for them , how they pampered and looked after them a tinge of jealousy flows inside . missed her a lot during and times immediately after baby's birth . miss how she would make sure to call me every day or every other day from india ... still remember that last pongal she made for me three years before her passing away during my previous visit to her . Some times during inlaws stay seeing how they would pamper their son , felt her loss a bit more . these days of the year inadvertently bring back all her thoughts to the fore all the more .

Each visit of you to the hospice every weekend is a memory to hold on to for the rest of the life . Thank you for sharing it in way that i feel as if sitting here I am visiting that place with you every time .

Thank you.
Click to expand...

Hugs to you caughtinbetween. It is certainly not easy to get over this phase in life.

satchitananda, Mar 3, 2019

satchitananda, Mar 3, 2019

#111

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Mar 3, 2019 #112

Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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iyerviji said: ↑

You are doing a great job Viswa. You will get their blessings which helps us in whatever you do.

I had an opportunity to look after my parents and mother's mother during their last stage. Its their blessings whatever I am today. My mother was not well before Diwali . She was admitted in the hospital. I had an important job in office .. I could not take leave and used to be in the hospital in the morning and evening. On the 3rd day I had gone to give her food and told her tomorrow morning I am having important job in the office so will come in the evening My servant used to look after her. While going home my husband told me your mother won't live long.So again I went to see her,she was surprised and asked why u came again.i told her I felt like seeing u. Next day she died and morning I went but the doctor instead of telling me to be near her told me to inform my family
members. My husband was with her.By the time I came back after phoning she was no more. Next year same time my daughter was born and Ifelt my mother has come back.

My father wanted me only to look after him as my brother and sister were working. He had cancer

My mother's mother also had cancer
She told me I won't be there for your marriage but my blessings for you to get a good husband. Her blessings I got a good husband that too from her place.

Thanks for sharing your experience
Click to expand...

Dear Vijiakka,

My apologies for missing your response. Thank you and I take it as your blessings.

Each one of us have experienced being there next to someone who was dear to us. I missed being next to my mom at the time of her death too but as I promised her I reached from the US before her cremation last year. Even at the age of 63, I cried for good 10 minutes all alone at 3 a.m. in the morning bidding farewell for her. I lost my father much earlier and I grieved his death for a fairly long period of time.

Your grandmother's wishes have come true. You have a wonderful husband who is a Yogi. Letting the parents go is always hard no matter how old one is. Thanks for visiting this thread.

Viswa

Viswamitra, Mar 3, 2019

Viswamitra, Mar 3, 2019

#112

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Mar 5, 2019 #113

Amica IL Hall of Fame

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Viswa, I've been following this thread from the start and particularly enjoy your Q&A with Rihana.

I came across this story and thought it might interest you.

.

Amica, Mar 5, 2019

Amica, Mar 5, 2019

#113
Mar 5, 2019 #114

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@Amica, I am so happy to know that you have been reading the entire thread from the beginning. I reviewed the video what a golden heart a 11 year old girl has! It is a little emotional experience for me to see a young girl doing that making me think what I did at the age of 11. This is what they call selfless loving compassion. Isn't amazing to know the requirements of elders? All of them needed simple things and it is so nice of the girl to fulfill their three wishes.

Note: @Rihana's practical questions were very focused with genuine interest to learn more about transitioning patients and service provided to them. I really enjoy her thoughtful questions.

Viswa

Last edited: Mar 5, 2019

Viswamitra, Mar 5, 2019

Viswamitra, Mar 5, 2019

#114

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Mar 7, 2019 #115

GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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@Viswamitra Sir,

Even as you bring us the humane ways used in USA for the transitioning people, in India, in most cases the end is not very humane or dignified. Only the lucky few get the dignity they deserve. Perhaps mounting medical bills are to be blamed.

I came across the inhuman ways adopted in TN to eliminate old and ailing elders, what a contrast!

GeetaKashyap, Mar 7, 2019

GeetaKashyap, Mar 7, 2019

#115

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Mar 7, 2019 #116

Amica IL Hall of Fame

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Viswamitra said: ↑

Isn't amazing to know the requirements of elders? All of them needed simple things and it is so nice of the girl to fulfill their three wishes.
Click to expand...

I was touched by the story, too. It really doesn't take much to show someone you care.

Viswamitra said: ↑

Note: @Rihana's practical questions were very focused with genuine interest to learn more about transitioning patients and service provided to them. I really enjoy her thoughtful questions.
Click to expand...

Rihana's questions as well as your responses are thoughtful and informative. My thanks to both of you.

.

Amica, Mar 7, 2019

Amica, Mar 7, 2019

#116

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Mar 7, 2019 #117

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Viswamitra said: ↑

It is my understanding that applying oil in the head or body is like bidding goodbye to someone by the family. It is done when someone is critically ill provided the patient has given his/her consent to perform such a ritual. I wonder what would happen if that person recovers and go back home?
Click to expand...

If the will has not yet been read, he would likely receive a joyous welcome. : )

Rihana, Mar 7, 2019

Rihana, Mar 7, 2019

#117

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Mar 7, 2019 #118

sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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Viswamitra said: ↑

It is my understanding that applying oil in the head or body is like bidding goodbye to someone by the family.
Click to expand...

In the Catholic church, it is one of the seven sacraments. In other churches, there are many variants in doctrine and ritual depending upon the denomination. The "Anointing of the Sick" is a sacrament of healing (it would be OK to wake up and go home!). When the sacrament is conferred upon someone about to die, it is referred to as "Extreme Unction". It then is like the last confession - the anointing signifies God's mercy and the forgiving of earthly sins -

"Through this holy unction and His own most tender mercy may the Lord pardon thee whatever sins or faults thou hast committed [quidquid deliquisti] by sight, by hearing, smell, taste, touch, walking, carnal delectation".

You can read all about it here and here.

sokanasanah, Mar 7, 2019

sokanasanah, Mar 7, 2019

#118

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Mar 7, 2019 #119

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GeetaKashyap said: ↑

@Viswamitra Sir,

Even as you bring us the humane ways used in USA for the transitioning people, in India, in most cases the end is not very humane or dignified. Only the lucky few get the dignity they deserve. Perhaps mounting medical bills are to be blamed.

I came across the inhuman ways adopted in TN to eliminate old and ailing elders, what a contrast!
Click to expand...

@GeetaKashyap,

I am so sorry to hear that. Even in the US, I am not sure whether everyone will be lucky to have a dignified end of life situation. At least those who come to the Hospice get one. I am happy to be volunteering to do whatever I could.

Viswa

Viswamitra, Mar 7, 2019

Viswamitra, Mar 7, 2019

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Mar 7, 2019 #120

Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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Rihana said: ↑

If the will has not yet been read, he would likely receive a joyous welcome. : )
Click to expand...

@Rihana, The will shouldn't make any difference, in general, as those who are transitioning deserves a dignified exit. However, I understand what you mean. Mostly the consent is denied by the family members for a funny reason. They claim that the transitioning patient never believed in that Catholic tradition. However, if the patient has given consent for that, they still perform anointing. But what the Pastor was complaining about was the absence of family members. They are supposed to be present and pray together for the well-being of the departing soul elsewhere.

Viswa

Viswamitra, Mar 7, 2019

Viswamitra, Mar 7, 2019

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