"Total Qualtiy People" by Ambika Ananth

wonderful article from a wonderful YOU!!!!!!

Dear Ambika,

Think you wrote this article especially for me - IN MY TIME OF NEED.
after having a disastrous relationship with in-laws, it took sometime for me to come to normal terms. I had lost hope on life itself and I just couldn't connect with others easily like b4. I used have this urge to classify everything and everyone I meet & ETC.

I started working hard to get out of the negative clutches and be my usual self (open minded, bubbly, go-getter) and I feel I'm somewhere in the Third stage of ' consciously competent'.
Would like to reach the fourth stage soon and then MAYBE, I'll be like YOU.

A wonderful article, Ambika. this is a wonderful article for those who don't know how to / where to imbibe ideas on improving oneself.

I've read about George before and I must appreciate you in linking the best of the stories in your articles or posts. thats maybe another trait of good writing. to cite the best of stories to support your work. I do believe a good deed will never go unnoticed and will be returned at unexpected times in many folds.

 

thanks Meena

Dear Meena

I feel overwhelmed, but let me hasten to add that I don't deserve the galore of complimetns you generously gave me..
I am seriously fighting few of my bad habits- first one being 'procrastination', followed by laid-back attitude and laziness. Do you know, my father used to call me a 'decked up chariot' , because it needs a 'push' without which it just stands ( stands majestically though...(see the pride and vanity, haha... bad habits).
This article was published in Youth-section, and was appreciated very much. Though many people say that the best way to break a habit is never to begin it, its not as easy as said. When we educate children that bad habits can be given up with some effort on their part, they wouldn't feel bad or sad when they come under their grip.
Having difference of opinions and sour relation with parents-in-law do not come under bad habits Meena...thats a different ball game all together, but yes, how we perceive problems and how we try to handle them may be a part of our personality traits.
Thanks for your response
ambika

 

Total Quality People

Ambika,

That's a very well written article. I just read it. What you say is 100% right. Certain values have to become natural habits and thrust on us. That is exactly why I cannot tolerate an artificial and farcical behavioural pattern that is expected in a formal setting. People who are very sweet and nice under pressure will soon show their true colours. But people who are naturally sweet and heartily nice will remain the same, come what may. I wish to just add one thought of mine. All that you say works very fine with the whole world and you may be able to win the hearts of everybody but that one lady MIL(in exceptional cases) and her family. In my own life, I am certainly well appreciated, acknowledged and considered a moderately good and harmless female by everybody. I have a load of friends and well-wishers. But my parents-in-law and my sisters-in-law having do not have even one good thing to say about me. However much I try to please them, I fail and finally get more arrows on my wounded heart. This art can never be taught by any management Guru, I suppose. Maybe only the likes of Lalitha, who submit totally, burying all their woes and hardships can win this family's hearts. Is life worth it?

I tried to win the hearts of all in my husband's family from day one and all I got back were brickbats. A few samples:

"Amma, since you cook the whole week through, I will take care of the kitchen on holidays, to give you rest."

"Not required", in a haughty voice and a dressing by my fil "Do you want to drive my wife out of the kitchen and take over?" in an angry tone.

I noted the birthdates of all the family members and wished them with small little gifts on those dates. The response-

"All these are European habits. We do not believe in such farce".

I tried finishing the maximum quantity of work before I left for office. The response-

"She does everything in a hurry and hence the quality is too bad. Her mother has taught her nothing."

I decided not to answer back (since I had no guts too to face their loud fights) and just cried, when I was hurt too much. Response-

"Haughty dame. Sheds crocodile tears and influences her husband on the bed silently."

Oh! I will stop. I can write a whole novel. So, where does my 'natural' character built over the years by my parents, 'do not hurt people; respect elders; do not answer back; bear things patiently; return bad deeds with good; etc.' really help me? I do not know.

Sudha Narasimhachar

 

Well Said!!

Dear Sudha,

You are exactly correct. The questions you have putforth at the end is what I keep asking myself a lot. I really do not beleive people saying, "If you do bad deeds now, you will suffer in the next birth"...comm'on... who cares? If that bad person takes a birth like dog or cat, will that animal think, "Oh in my last brith I made my dil or anyone suffer a lot, so see...this birth I am a dog to the same house..ptch..."?? Who needs this punishment...If somebody does wrong, they shd be punished then and there itelf..then only they don't repeat again....the logic getting punished in the next birth is all baseless...

I can the see the pain in your mail abt those conversation....hang in there....God has lots of happiness in store for you...

 

best wishes to you sudha..

As you say Sudha, the relationship between a MIL and DIL is as impossible as climbing a wall when it is leaning towards us…but no relationship is easy in this world. People push us, pull us down and we may fall too..but ‘falling down does not make anyone a failure..but staying down does’ …we should put in all our efforts to get up..get up with dignity and courage..to alter situations and human conditions , but we should stick to whatever we are inherently, ‘good persons’ that’s the name of the game…

God plays dice with His creation. He puts human beings in tight spots.. He may push them into brief spells of darkness, later to place them lovingly amongst ‘stars’…

I will write, one of these days about my personal story of success in that dreaded relationship…I had gone through too much , being totally unprepared, totally naïve and being too young with raw thoughts…now after two decades into marriage, yes, despite that,I can say that I did manage pretty well….
I wish you the very best in life..
Thanks for the response

 

Highly Inspirational!!

Dear Ambika Madam,

That was one wonderful thought provoking article. The article was precise and to the point. There was no extra words or sentences that deviated from the message that you were conveying...

You really made me to think deeply that even a small change in life gives excellent results later which will give more happiness and peace....

I am truely waiting to read your personal experiences as that will give me and a few others to see the future with lots of "good" expectations!!

 

Thanks SVS

Dear SVS,

Pls don't call me 'madam'..we are all friends, freely expressing our opinions and thoughts, sharing views and news...

I am happy you like my article ..and I am happy that you responded. Usually many people won't verbalize their liking. When we writers read appreciative lines, we feel good and we tend to write good stuff and maintain some standard. Thanks again..

As regards my own story, yes, I will post it SVS, but may take a little time...
When we write something originating from our imagination, we can be freely expressing, giving as many twists as possible...but once we start jotting down our own reality, we cannot proceed so easily or quickly, because, it hurts...

thanks
ambika

 

Total Quality People

Dear Ambika Nath,
I have heard of TQM- a Japanese style of management. Your TQP was wonderful specially the anecdote. KanakaN Swamy