Too much intrusion is always bad!

Hi to all my ILites,

As I said earlier,my views were totally misunderstood.
Justanothergirl-thanks to you for understanding my point despite of my bad explanation( i think so as i was misunderstood).

Ilites,kindly understand that am not on anybody's side and preaching wrong things here.I have mentioned already that I have touched a point where problems arise due to over intrusion of gal's parents when the things are pretty normal in her married life,Kindly understand me.Sometimes parents misunderstand their daughter's in-laws,SIL and teach her wrong things which may break their married life.Again am clarifying,this doesn't mean that gal's parents wish for their daughter's marriage to break

Why is that everyone are very much negative with this thought?I have seen such cases closely.

1.My mom's close friend is there who always teaches her daughter(akka) that she should be away from her in-laws and maintain distant relationship else she may need to take care of them when they fall ill.
2.Akka is a neatness freak and she doesn't like her things to get misplaced(soft toys etc).so she has locked her bedroom while coming not to let her husband enter in her absence.this was the idea of my aunt to lock the room.Having two bedrooms for a couple is something which I don't want to highlight here but locking her room is really weird.
3.Her in-laws stay in a village and that's the only reason she says for not visiting them even once.At the time of her marriage, aunt had told my mom that the boy is an engineer from village background and possess so many acres of agricultural land.So the village background made them happy in terms of wealth and acres but not in terms of visiting it even once a year!!Again my aunt was behind this.
4.Poor guy got fed up with my akka and requested her that they should plan for at least a one day trip to visit his parents.But akka told that she cannot enter into a filthy village and would talk to them on phone.She is a girl from middle class family and as far I as I knew she had been to villages so many times.
5.My aunt always suggest her to give counters to her husband whenever he rises the issue of visiting his parents in the village.
6.She always tells akka that she should keep her husband away from parents such that they do not give any ideas/suggestions .But this gal makes sure to visit her parents once in a month and the poor guy being very kind never objects.

She discusses these things with my mom frequently and even suggests me to be adamant with my in-laws else they take control of our lives.But what she doesn't realise is the fire that she is putting in her daughter's married life slowly.Akka's in-laws are pretty ordinary people and don't create any problems .else how will my aunt be so calm Only complaint I hear from them is that akka's in-laws always feel bad fro not visiting them which I don't find it wrong.My aunt once suggested my akka to threaten his husband that she would undergo abortion if he forces her to go to the village!!!!!What kind of a suggestion is this?Don't she have a responsiblity of visiting her in laws at least once in six months and that too staying just 300km away ?

There are so many such scenes where my aunt had intruded much into her married life and spoiled her mind.
Is this not a serious problem?Keeping negative feeling on in-laws and fooling herself by following her mother blindly?One day am sure that the guy looses his patience entirely and I hope akka should change before that.She should understand the importance of marriage and her new family.She should get to know her responsibilities as a daughter in law.My aunt should realise that she is sowing seeds for a unhappy marriage unknowingly.

No wonder,their kid never gets the comfort of getting pampered by his paternal grand parents due to the evil thinking of my aunt.But they do enjoy playing with him.what kind of a equality is this???

My mom is really scared to suggest her friend(my aunt)..Instead she tells this to my uncle.however my aunt doesn't listen to him ..

Am not telling that only guy's parents have rights to suggest or something like that.But we need to understand few scenarios where they are given more liberty to discuss few things than our parents..I can't imagine my husband putting money in my mom's hand to buy gold for my birthday in order to give a surprise for me.He gives that control to his mom only.That quiet natural.I should not take it in a wrong front thinking what is the need for him to involve his mother in this.Similarly my brother may sit and plan with my parents if he wants to buy any gold to his wife for any occasion or any site.It is certainly not wrong taking suggestions from elders.That doesn't mean that the guy's parents are intruding much and the girl is not given importance.The girl should not misunderstand such simple facts and that doesn't mean that her parents are ignored and shouldn't give any suggestions.There are few things which are natural and not to be misunderstood.I know we are grown ups but whats wrong in seeking guidance.If my husband discusses any problem with his parents I will also discuss it with my parents and pass on any suggestions given by them.Instead I will not create mess thinking that my husband didn't discuss anything with my parents which he actually didn't mean. Also the gal's parents should not misunderstand this and feed their daughter narrow thoughts which may cause ripples in her married life,This is only an example.

And to others who coined me as an enemy to WOMEN-am really sorry for not making you understand my point and feel sad for being called like this.

 

Hi friends,

Am sorry for not making you to understand my views clearly.I have repeatedly clarified that both sets of parents are equal and only trying to convey that to adjust on few things which are natural instead of making life hell exaggerating the issue.Am not recommending any set of parents to intrude into coupl'es life.

Cj1980,regarding buying gold I had mentioned that as an example but at the end see that I have mentioned to give a surprise to his wife.I meant that he may take help of his mom in giving a surprise to his wife and that should not be misunderstood.