Too much intrusion is always bad!

So, the guy's parents get a free ride to peek into the son's family life 'subtly' suggesting things, while the dutiful DIL, holds back her parents?? My dad has two daughters, and we are the apple of his eyes. We were not brought up in a way to believe, that we should adopt our husband's families as our own, and hold our parents away from our lives. Nor does my 'married' sister do it, and neither can I ever dream of doing it!
Both, the guy and the girl, should know how to balance the parents on both sides. Any relationship is a two-way road. It cannot be the wife, always holding back her parents, and the husband letting his parents have their way, keeping his in-laws at bay. Both of them should respect each other's parents, and thats what would lead to a healthy lifestyle!

 

The idea that A guys parents need to stay away from a couple has been beaten to death in this forum along with evil /interfering MILs and SILs .I think most of us agree that a guy needs to stop being a mommas boy..and his parents need to give the couple some space.
What is seldom talked about is a parallel problem..when girls are Daddy's/Mommy's girls far longer than is healthy. I think what OP is trying to bring to light is this .... If girls let their parents involve way too much in their married life the damage can be just as bad.

 

After reading the first couple of posts from OP,l am just sad to even post that...our own WOMEN CLAN saying its ok if the husbands parent intrude...because thats how the reality/ NORM is etc....(INSTEAD OF saying...intrusion is bad...doesnt matter woman/mans parents/siblings)

Hope others do understand that Man/Woman both have to STOP letting their parents/siblings intrude in their marriage. There is no special offer/discount for Mans family just because they are the sons parents/sons family. NO ITS UTTERLY WRONG. intrusion is intrusion..doesnt matter who does it.

 

OP:

I read all your posts in this thread before replying.

JAG,

Thats a point well agreed upon, and no questions there! Both the husband and wife need to know to balance their relationship and parents on BOTH sides.
What I dont agree to is the part, where OP says its quite so natural, for the husband's parents to be over-bearing. No, its not natural for the husband's parents to tell him about finances, and the wife not letting her parents know about whats going on. Why does that have to happen? Yes, the wife should stand up to her parents, if they criticise her H/in-laws. But the parents of the guy 'suggesting' improvements (while the wife keeps her parents in the dark) is not normal! And thats my point!!

Bottom line:
Daddy's girls can affect a healthy marriage as much as momma's boys can. We are all grown-ups when we get married, and the couple should be given their space by both sets of parents. And how they define 'balance with BOTH parents' is upto them!

 

SSC ...Hmm..I could be wrong but I feel OPs lines have been misunderstood and I should probably let her speak after this
This is what she writes..
"Still I feel that any parent will feel free to involve in his son's life in terms of suggesting,planning ,improving their finances etc (not into personal issues) than that of a daughter"
All she is saying is that parents will try to offer advice to sons more frequently than to a daughter.
There is an ocean of difference between suggesting/offering opinions/ advice(which practically 99.9 % of parents do ...be it girls or boys) and interfering.
No where does she say they have a natural right to take control over ur lives or can be allowed to be overbearing. Infact she repeatedly clarifies the point
This is the case where things are pretty normal on boy's side and the gal's parents are not satisfied thinking that their daughter is not happy.

Its really not that uncommon SSC ...plenty of girls parents..unnecessarily interfere..and flare up small issues instead of letting the couple work it out themselves.

 

I second Srividya75. Just because its a son's parents, they don't have to be the bosses. The rule is applicable to both the parents. Just like a man cannot take his in-laws interference , woman will also not be able to accept such interference. Unfortunately, in indian culture, most of the son's parents assume them to be bosses and look down on girl's parents.

A girl's parents often suggest good things like investments or future savings for the well being of their daughter. However, this doesn't hold true when it comes to inlaws. Many inlaws are sinisterical/evil and they will try to hold their son's property and investments in their name so that the girl/daughter in law doesn't claim a share out of it.

 

Please first of all OP wrote exactly what she thought and now lets not come back mincing words.....

So even if girls parents suggest something INDIRECTLY....its an insult to the husband...where as when the guys parents OPENLY ABUSE the DIL and the DIL h as to take it because its the NORM. is it????

I am all for equality....but when posts like this come up and start PREACHING makes me wonder...WOMEN ARE WOMENS ENEMIES

The mroe I read the last para...I am just going totally clueless ...with what OP wanted to say!!! its soooooooooo pathetic to beat around the bush instead of saying.....WOMEN pls cut off your ties with your parents and not let them talk about your marriage...but pls take crap from inlaws with your mouth shut. period. because sons parents will involve and thats natural and thats common. And last but not leawst.....WHY OP FORGOT.....even after marraige....DIL will have her parents..and her parents are all part of the entire extended family......just like inlaws are part of extended family.....lets not say....after marraige only hsubands parents are FAMILY. gone are those days...and pls stop living in your old cultured ways and stop such nonsensical preachings.

 

Disagree! It depends on how much the daughter shares with her parents!

This is like making an ocean of generalization, JAG! Plenty of girl's parents, plenty of guy's parents, and blah blah blah!

Anyways, The thread's title is pretty clear - too much of intrusion is bad. Whosoever parents it is, need to give the married couple some space. Period! So this argument here is like a bottomless pit. Lets not decode what the OP is trying to say, and wait for her to come back and clarify!

 

With you on this, SriVidya! Spot on!