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Toddler Sleeping And Issues With H

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2016, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much dear ladies for your wonderful analysis and suggestions..@rihana your post has dissected the issue precisely..

    The current scenario:

    We have moved into the new home and its been 3 days..H has decorated the baby's room wonderfully and insists baby to go into her room every now and then...But baby doesn't even looks that side. She always wants somebody besides her so if am busy she stays with dad in the other room. He asked me about my plans on this and I told I have a severe headache and went to sleep with the baby..You know ladies, a secret am sharing only here..I badly want to sleep with H as he is so warm especially during winters.. am a poor sleeper and would keep shivering throughout the night if he is not there..I fall asleep so easily with him..but i think he doesnt have such a sort of dependency on me...So I have indirectly hinted it many times when he sleeps in the other room sometimes due to work...

    Sometimes I swallow it up and cry and then go to sleep nurturing my ego and behave as if its not a big deal. I just dont want to show this weak side of mine to him as am afraid he might take me for granted. May be by now he would have guessed my mindset and hence threatens me of sleeping away from me if I dont train the baby! I am torn between these two..my own comfort and the guilt of not being a good mom enough...

    I just have to figure out how to make myself comfortable while sleeping alone..so that I dont get bogged down by his empty threats..At least I would have the satisfaction of letting my innocent angel sleep peacefully with her mom. If an adult, my H, doesn't need my warmth shouldn't I be more assertive about me too not needing his? .I want this one to be in the last of my n no of other headaches!
     
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You are turning something as simple as his need to be with his wife into unnecessary issues.
    A three year old child should have her own room if space is not a problem .
    It is fine in cases where both partners are fine with it.
    But when one partner differs,then it is time to make some compromises . Find a midway till daughter is fine with it.

    Sweety, you sleep with parents even as an adult. That is not normal. Unless there is extreme shortage of space,it is not normal in any family.

    Your husband assigning rooms to everyone is perfectly fine if space is not a problem .

    You don't have to sleep in seperate rooms . Show him you are making an effort to send the child to her room. Take time doing it.

    Spend time with her in her room. Tell husband to stay with her in her room till she is comfortable. Sleep with her there in the afternoon during weekends. Let her get used to the room.

    Let her sleep with you at night but on one side.
    Don't put her between you and your husband . You can get your husband's warmth even like this.
    If things get amorous,move to husband's den for action .

    You can use winter as an excuse to give you time but show him you want the room to you two too and want private time with him.It is important to have that intimacy which is different from sex.


    Once she gets used to her room ,let her sleep there at night ,but be ready to be disturbed at night if she wakes up and cries.

    You can get up in the morning before her and lie down with her for sometime in the begining .Or let her join you in your bedroom once she wakes up. This is fun specially on weekends.

    Your husband and you are on the same team.He loves you and his daughter .Don't look at him like he is doing something bad for you or your daughter. What he is asking for is very normal.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very few dads decorate a child's room like that. At most they help mom with specific parts such as painting or hanging up drapes.

    Not good. Read ym's post again.

    2.75 years old is not "baby" by any measure.
     
    yellowmango, SunPa and Sweety2016 like this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is not a huge issue to complicate like this. Almost every family faces this kind of issue at some point in their life.

    When my son was 2.5 yrs old, I sent him to his room because that's when we shifted to a new house. Fortunately my mom was living with us, and she was sharing the bed with him.
    Since the room was decorated as per his taste, and he has also developed a sense of ownership of that room, he liked that idea of sleeping there in his own bed. Plus, he was not afraid of loneliness at night, as his grandma was beside him anyway.

    Then his younger sister came, but from the very beginning I had put her in her own bed (a small crib like bed made for her) separately, yet in our bedroom. She would basically sleep in my arms or lap at night, and then I will put her in that bed. Keeping two pillows beside her, some teddies (she calls them as friends) around that crib made her feel comfortable. Even if she wakes up during middle of the night, we were there in the same room anyway.
    This way, I got to sleep with my H so closely in our bed together without any hindrance.

    As my DD reached 4, she offered to co sleep with her bro as they had so much bed time fun together. It has now become their room, and they are almost there.
    Grandmas has returned back to her own room, as kids are there for each other at night.

    You can't suddenly expect your child to sleep in her own room, that too in a new/unfamiliar home without anyone beside her. She will be so affected by this, specially she misses you during day times as well.

    As I did, you might make a small bed for your DD, and keep the bed in your master bedroom. This way, she sleeps alone, yet together with parents in the same room.
    This can be a slow transition, where she starts to like her own bed, and slowly learns to sleep on her own. Yup, may be with teddies, dolls, cars etc
    Once she is 4, you may start shifting her bed to her room.

    This way, you can get to sleep with your H in the same bed without any disturbances, yet feel peaceful about the baby as well
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Sweety ,I hope you are not thinking he has taken one room so he wants to sleep seperate if baby does not go to her room.

    Men need their ''man space or cave '. It can be a room,a corner or even a drawer if there is space crunch.

    He asked for his man cave only when you had the space. It is a space where he can do his own thing. It is not his bedroom . His bedroom is your room.
     
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  6. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    So true yellow mango!!! He exactly told what you said but I was not convinced of the idea...I was unable to differentiate and felt distant everytime he mentioned " my room". Now I understood, this is what he wanted..
    So nicely put..Thank you so much..

    Ok..though the room is ready..it is not ready to be inhabited by my daughter as we seldom sit or go there...So from now on I will make it a point to sleep there in the afternoons and make her accustomed to the space she has..
     
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  7. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes Rihana I am enlightened:) My girl is growing up...yay!

    I could sense a gush of relief eliminating my guilt after reading the responses here!
     
  8. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much SGBV! This is a good practical idea..I will do a trial of this before making her sleep in her room...she does have a deep emotional connect with most of her dolls..may be I will seek their help as well:)
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I am happy that you liked my response, and hope this will work out for you.

    Besides, don't dread this my room concept.
    Believe me, I too need my own room, and my H prefers the same too. These rooms are different from our bedroom :)
    We basically use this "my room" thing for our office/business purposes, and to keep professional related stuff. Also, at times when we need to work from home, this space gives us the much needed peace - no one disturbs us here.

    Bedroom is for the family and that is much special one.
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    "Man cave".. Don't know why, for some reason this term really made me laugh...:smilecat::smile::smilecat::smiley:
    My husband too likes to surf videos, watch movies etc on laptop in a different room uninterrupted (and with a big supply of junk food)..he glares at me if I peek into the room to say something or ask him something like what to make for dinner etc..or even if I step in to take some stuff from the cupboard in that room! I guess that's his "man cave"!
     
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