To women here with cosisters

Hi,

My hubby has a younger brother and he got married a year before we did. We have a cordial relationship with them. all of us live in the US - different cities though. We visit each other once in a while and talk on the phone 2-3 times a month. It's been pretty good so far.

Mythraeyi

 

hi ladies

i hv an elder and one younger cosisters. oooh! such a difficult period of 11 years I hv crossed with them, eventhough i hv stayed almost out of the country ie almost 10 years.

whenever we visit india, we hv trouble in whose house to stay and where to hv food, each and everyday, they wd be complaining about each other to me. earlier, i stayed with my younger, she was very nice to everyone. but after she got the house under her control, she started showing her face to everyone, incl.me. she never allows me to do any work, and she wd be telling in the other way that "instead of telling, we can do ourselves" hurting me very much, as if I can't do anything.

Then, we started staying with my elder whose house is a singled bedroomed very small flat, we used to adjust so much with them. but still they won't be talking to us, whenever we face some probs with local work, they wd tell u should handle on your own, eventhough she could help, as she has all her mother's relatives around that area. no way. on top, she wd be complaining about younger co-sister for each and everything. even i felt the same way, so i used to agree with her. it was going on for years. At one stage, both wd be turning face on us when we go for vacation. so we vacated our flat and staying there peacefully, which is otherwise locked.

now the problem is when I talk to the elder one, the younger one won't even utter a word to me the whole one month, she won't come up and see me. Only I hv to go and sit there for sometime and hv to put lots of appreciation on her. nowadays, i get bored of it, and I start doing some useful work during that time.

according to me, eventhough we are not aligned with each other, we hv to adjust and get along, as we are doing with our husband, as in future, we hv to do every function like marriage, etc. and for other ceremonies. we hv to face them,especially for NRI women, so better u go just simply easy=going with them and continue that. in future, it wd be of help to u.

thanks for reading with patience,

uma.

 

Hi all ,

i stumbled upon this topic , when i was going thru some bad times coz of our relationship with my Co-sis and Bil. so its a kind of getting a place to share my Concern.

My Co-sis who is elder to me was not comfortable with me right from the day one of my marriage, We have moved to US recently 3 months back and unfortunately we are in the same city within half hrs distance , yet they don't visit or talk to us. Intially when we were in india , she used to keep gossiping and finding faults on me with my Possesive M-I-L who was with us in india over phone or whenever she used to visit india, and in turn she would come and tell me what my M-i-l used to tell bad abt me. every week she used to call me and would appear to be very nice to me and would tell me how my m-i-l keeps complianing abt me etc. i used to keep silent and would never answer anything back to her. My life was getting into trouble coz of all this disturbance .

Then my husband got a project in US and we happend to come to the same city , And coz of my bil's repeated pressure to stay with them we decided to stay with them for intial few weeks till we get to find a new apt and get all necessary things reqd for us in US. But then my Co-sis who couldn't digest we moving to US started troubling me the day one i landed in US, the lady who was very friendly in front of me or over phone started showing colours and would keep abusing me and my husband for no reason of us. i used to keep quiet and never back answer. Even my bil always used to keep insulting us with words or actions.
Since she was working she used to ask me to do all the household work and then would find faults in whatever i do and keep taunting me. We were asked to eat only leftover food and our each and every actions were looked in a suspicious way. It was a little too much for us and we thought of visiting our friend and spend some time with them in other city for some time. On this my co -sis got wild and started abusing and fighting with us saying we are mentally torturing her by actions and disturbing her by not talking to her . and she has seen many people like us in US and we are having shelter in US only coz of her and bil. even then i didn't fight with her, but made some points clear with her . But she didn't stop her dirty politics when i was at my friends place , she used to call me there and would keep bad mouthing abt my mil who was them and always would keep complaining abt her. Even then i used to be very nice with her and never showed what she had done to me, but then she would keep complaining to my mil and bil that i don't keep in touch with her and i and my friend are very rude to her when she calls me. and my bil in turn would call my husband and would fire him for all this.

it was taking a toll on us mentally and was totally unbearable, finally i wrote to her saying i m disturbed by her actions, and would like to be away from all this family issues for some time till we get settled. This was taken as an insult by them and they don't want any contact from our side and don't talk to us , even though me and my husband after all this have gone out of our way to maintain the realtionship but in vain .

we still feel very bad that our relations have turned so bad, for no mistake of us . i still don't know where i went wrong and why we are punished .

vaidehi

 

My Bil amd co-sis both elder to me and my husband . They are stayiing in another flat in the same street as we do. My FIL and MIL and another brother in law who is not married yet are staying with us.
As such I dont have any problem with my co-sis.Only thing is my MIL and co-sis are very orthodox and very much interested in all poojas and customs and traditions whereas i am not that much interested just for the sake of staying together I join them in doing all these . but they both never impose anything on me as they know that my husband does not like these things much.
My husband and his 2 elder brothers are very close to each other but very much non-interefering and independant.
But now and then comparisons and misunderstandings do crop up as we are financially sound when compared to them but everythig is smoothly running as of now.

Anuradha

 

i don have a co-sister, since he s the only son, but, i do have a nathanaar (meanin sil)..
she s as old as me and we are more like frens,, she s a way peculiar in charecter and always the apple of my in laws eyes. during my courtship and affair with my DH days, she was very cooperative, used to cal n kjeep in touch anol dat... i stay in hyderabdad, she s in bangalore and my would-be in london.
So she used to fight for me wid her parents for al support for our affair to end up in wedding.
But now that all s well and d marriage s fixed, she has stopped talking to me totally.
I don know y - but - she s not at al responding to my calls, wotsoever.
Y is that? is it some feeling of insecurity that i have given her? my in-laws, though wer rude to me in the begining, (angry cos of our inter caste love; he - brahmin, me - bc), they are now very kind...
but i wanna win back dat friend in my sil who i knew earlier.. wot difference does it make, by me becoming her anni??? shakehead

 

hi All,
I loved reading this thread and so many experiences of all my friends with
their respective co-sisters.But I feel bad because I dont have any co-sister as
my husband is the only son of his parents.On the other hand its better to
be alone than in a bad company.
regards,
Ruhika

 

Nice post...when everyone talks about MILs, SILs, and others....one post for co-sisters

I have a co-sister who is 2yrs elder than me. And in my case, in my family I seem to be the elder one, in ways of handling things...

mine is a love marriage and my BILs too. and I was the one to make them get married after they have been seperated due to a small fight between them. My co-sister is a nice person, talks nicely, wish to spend time with us. Except for she tells me/anyone roughly if something is wrong and does not think about how we might feel. The first time something like this happened I got worried, but then it was my BIL who convinced me and said just leave it off, this is how she is. But later he adviced her too for being like this. So I just accepted her like that. Except for that shes nice and sweet. Even I'm a favourite of her mother's house. Now we are in US and them in India, we both long to see each other...thats how our family is....

Cheers,
Malar