Dear friends, Its been a while since I have logged in here. Life has been very different since the past 5-6 months, though on the positive side. My husband has changed to a very responsible man (at least by heart, and he is taking sincere efforts to be the man of the family by all means and showing progress too). He has been very affectionate with myself and the kiddos, and overall, he has become a family man and a desirable husband for any women. This is how he was before and during the initial phase of our marriage. Thankfully, I am rewarded with the same loving man just around my 10th wedding anniversary. For your info, we celebrated our anniversary just a week before, and this was the only anniversary that we have celebrated so far... and it was the best day of our life. At this moment, I should be flying on the sky.... and living in the dream land. But sadly, I don't enjoy this much deserved happiness in my marriage life. As you all know, that I have been very strong since a long time, and pulled this marriage so far by all means single handedly. The first 5 years were horrible, where my H and his folks abused me and my first born mercilessly. The most loving and caring boy friend of 5 years has changed to a bitter husband, and who danced as per his mom's tunes all of a sudden after marriage. There was a point, where I decided not to live anymore and attempted to commit suicide when my first child was just a newborn. I am still experiencing health issues as a result of that. Then I temporaily seperated from my H for nearly 1 year, and moved out of the city with my kiddo to lead a new life. Husband returned and promissed to cut all the ties with his folks, who were the reason behind all the suffering I went through. I dont wanna list out what they have done to me in detail. But those who follow my threads since the beginning know how horrible my life was back then. Let me give you some examples, so that you may try to taste how bitter it was. 1) MIL insulted me and my family on the day of our wedding before all the guests - most of the guests were from my side 2) MIL refused to allow us enter their home after marriage 3) MIL did not allow my H to visit my parent's home when I continued to live there (as we did not have a home back then) and she did not allow him to move in to the rental home - which I insisted. So we lived seperately for a while. But later he joined me much to his mother's hatred. 4) MIL did not want me to carry my baby and doubted the paternity of it 5) She often told and wished that I miscarry the baby. 6) Though we were not in talking terms, she would visit our home a couple of times daily and force me to eat some suspicious food that she cooked for me. He actions, contradictory to her intention often alerted me, so I did not touch her foods. But my instinct strongly told me that she would have done something on the food to make me miscarry. 7) When the child was born, she did not allow my H to visit us (me and the newborn) citing astrological reasons. 8) My H had to visit us like a thief during mid nights and told us not to let his mom know that he came. 9) He wasn't even there when the kid was severely sick at night despite living a street away at his mother's home that time 10) They fooled me by wiping out my hard earned money (which was a huge saving) without my knowledge from the joint account, and left me empty handed There was a time when I was left with a baby, having no place to turn to (my H vacated the rental home without my knowledge when I was at my mom's place after delivery) and moved back to his parents place. Never supported financially for us. Wiped out my fullest savings, and made me empty handed. And stopped talking or visiting. That's when I decided to kill myself - blame my postpartum, hormones, and all the drama. Life changed for good when I changed to a strong woman/mother. H came back, but within months he was trapped between his folks and his immediate family. Again, the same drama. But this time I was assertive. I was ready for the big D and cared nothing. He tried his best to balance both. But amidst this, he became very weak. Lost his job, had health issues, and became my full time dependent. He was unable to get a proper job after that. This made him a negative and dependent person - losing his personality and charm. His insecurity made me adjust more than necessary to retain peace at home. He was furious with kids all the time. Beat them for being children. He lived a dessert life. But PILs showed positive changes with our family. Pretended to accept us, and had nice time with us all the time. We were trapped and fell prey to their cunningness that time. Life became a challenge year after year, as we suffered health issues (including kids), financial loss, career issues etc. MIL often make a point that we deserve all this because we did not obey them. I had to be the primary bread winner and full time home maker to run the show all these while. My Mom extensively supported. But my H often stay away from all the responsibilities, but gave only disturbance each time following his folks. I got used to these challenges, and became extremely strong in life. Suddenly one day, some thing happened at our place. A priest informed someone has witched us. He later removed that witchcraft which we (myself and H) have seen from our eyes. We later consulted another priest from Hindu faith (my H is Hindu) to get everything confirmed. It was extremely hard to approach that priest, but we did somehow. Although I don't believe in all these, my H has very strong faith in these BM and stuff and he went on to check with many priests on this in the comming months. Everyone said that the evil was casted against our marriage, and specifically against him. But the removal would do miracle in our life, and basically our faith saved us from the extreme negativity. These priests also confirmed that it was our PILs (through identity) who did this against us some 10 years back. And we later found out that MIL did a few suspicious stuff all these while, to validate this. Nevertheless, we have decided not to indulge too much on this BM stuff as we don't really know what are they and never believed in them before. Anyhow, it is removed, and we are safe. But my H started to hate his folks from then onwards and even fought with them. Now that, he is seeing through everything that happened in the past 10 years of our lives. He is severly apologetic for how he has behaved, and begged at us (on myself, kids and my folks) to forgive him. Besides, unexpectedly luck has favored him by offering a big post now. He is earning big and asked me to leave my job (i was in Africa leaving the family till end of last year), so that I could enjoy at home with kids and take some rest. He shows extreme concern for my health and comfort and shares his paych with me. Earlier the same man did not even reveal his salary details or bank balance or even the info of his prolonged credit card debts. No more inteferences from ILs now. Not even from BILs or their families. Life has been very smooth now. And I should be in cloud nice for all this. But sadly, my mind is not settled. I bring back the past now a days a lot than ever before. I feel stressed, unhappy and lost like as if it was my initial marriage life. Whenever my H comes close to me, or gifts me or shows his affection I get reminded of those lost days. I cry and nag and irritate my H by forcing him to listen to all my sob stories of the past, and make him hold the responsibility for it. Each time he apologize. But it is me who spoil the nice moments now. My H has been very patient with me, and handles my moodswings calmly. But I feel horrible after a while thinking how much I lose these precious moments, which I have always yeared for. But my mind is not in my control. Any act of kindness or love from my H reminds me of his past cruel behavior (which I have already forgiven and forgetten). I don't know why I feel this way now. In fact, I did not feel like this when things were not so smooth between us till last year. Why now?