Tired Of Being Made To Feel Guilty Every Time.

Hi all,
I am writing to you all after a long time...its been 9 years now that i have been married...i am writing here since was married for 2 years...time has flown but the basic problems have been the same...
Giving a jist;i was married to the only son who was a mommas boy who is dedicated to his mom that he considers her God.Every persons parents are important to him or her.But it is not that we do not use our mind at all..His mom was super insecure about me since the beginning.Her husband died long back.I tried to gel with her a lot in the beginning but she played games all the time.Always manipulating him and has always created a bad image infront of my husband...There is constant bitching which goes on behind my back and im kind of used to it now..I dont care rather.Time passed... after 5 yrs of marriage i had my daughter and life changed for good.Things were better with time but the basic problem was same-He not able to tolerate anything against his mom.Since the beginning i dont talk to him about his mom at all to avoid problems.Destiny had its own role.after my delivery i had a rare disorder because of which by blood counts were super low.For 3 yrs i kept suffering and finally had a transplant which thankfully was successful.I had always been an independent person so even with very low haemoglobin i used to do all my work and also my babys work ,never took any help from my mil.(she never bothered to offer any hep too)
Now when im fine whenever i have an argument with my mil who is always v sarcastic and v rude in talking to me always, everything falls off on me...My husband cant take me answering back to his mom.He always blasts me...saying she has been serving you all these 3 years and on top of that i have been behaving this way.My husband always sticks to her like glue when he is back from office...so once when i was irritated sometime back i said he needs to balance out...then again he blasted very badly.Every time he dominates me for even the basic needs.There is no point talking to him.Just for saying that he needs to balance out his mom and me...he took it so badly saying that i always have problems with his mom and he is always a villain to me.He streched it so much and it took many days for things to get normal.Im the one saying sorry every time.In this 9 yrs of marriage he has never said sorry.Just for my peace of mind i do,i feel that a relationship is more important that our ego.
No doubt he helped me lot during my transplant but he and his mom were v bad to my parents who had come to my house to help and take care of my daughter since i was supposed to be in the hospital for a month.Today i get to hear from my husband that they came here to take rest...his poor mother was doing all the work and they were having fun.Whereas my mil doesnt even lift a spoon when they are here and only thing she does is bitches about my family and me to him all the time.she gets sadistic pleasures in that.I cant blame her because my husband doesnt use his mind at all...
Now things were going normally and fine...Yesterday i saw a post on fb about a husband being a sandwitch in between the mom and the wife.It said all my facts and also said how the husbands should make the mom realise to take a back seat and make the son take his own decisions.The biggest mistake i did was that i tagged him for fun sake.After reading that he became so wild that i have ridiculed him infront of the world.It was a general forward from my end hoping that may be he realises what he is doing but he got so wild.He says he has failed as a husband...and he kept blasting on me and telling now that poor lady has been toiling hard for me since 3 years and this is what im giving her...I did say sorry many many times cos i generally forwarded it but he never listened.
Can any one help me here to what can be done.I m too tired of this drama now...Iv stopped expecting anything from him at all since long.I dont tell him anything for the fear of an argument again and im tired of being made to feel guilty all the time.Rather i am the one who has fallen prey to his mom because of the constant stress she gave me so many years after marriage that i got this severe illness.
All my friends tell me that thankfully i am out of it now so i should be happy and enjoy life...but how do i do..The only happiness i get is from my daughter who loves me unconditionally.We do have our good days i mean with my husband but may be after every month my one small thing is taken in such a big way that i feel i have made the biggest crime of my life.
im too saddened today.Plz help in sorting this out..im too sad.thanks for reading.

 

Hi Caide,
Thanks for your reply.well i would like to state that its not that i havent made atempts to be good to her.I try to gel with her even now but now i have drawn a line.i have stopped pleasing her.im not newly wed and i am sick and tired of her manipulations.Actually she is a lady who doesnt get along even with her own mom,brothers and sisters...she has no friend,though she goes to kitty parties and stuff but her so called friends are also just for time pass and she bitches about them too..My husband is the one whom she wants to hang out with all the time.Imagine she didnt leave us alone even in our courtship time.she used to go wherever we go...and that continued even after being newly wed and even now.I used to long to have some private time with husband...but in vain...and now if by chance she doesnt go with us for one evening she creates so much of drama...that she is in pain or has fever...that we have to immediately come back and she spoils the evening....but mind u...nothing happens to her when she goes shopping with us.
All her pains start when the son comes home from office...
Im surprised that husband doesnt realise all this at all..She has been so good at brain washing that my husband has always felt that his mom is a'' bechari abla naari''(poor woman)...
i avoid answering back but sometimes it gets on my nerves when she is too sarcastic and then i do...but dh immediately catches hold of that time....he never sees the wrong in his mom but would always tel me to behave properly with her...
well...im used to that now...dont expect any support from him after all these years ...
rt now i wanted to know about the suggestion about how to sort the matter with him about the present situation of posting that article...though i have said it was not intentional,i did it for fun sake..but he has taken it v badly and says i have insulted him infront of the world.though i have said sorry again and again but he is not listening...can u help in this case.thanks.

 

thanks but this technique doesnt work for him.iv tried it in my newly wed days and he made a drama out of it saying why cant i talk face to face.he didnt understant the delicacy of the matter..im an overemotional person so it pinches me more to see disharmony at home.