Tired of advises!! just needed to vent and need tips to handle these better.

i am 3 months pregnant and i have my in laws at home for 4 months who are very helpful when it comes to home chores etc.

I have 2 year old at home and they take care of him very well as well.
no complaints there.

But my problem is i am not big into cooking and i love to work.
but my mil believes that a womens place in this wrold is at home; cooking , cleaning, putting up with husbands when they behave nastily, feeding everyone should be her only and main responsibility.

i have explained to her many times that this is not me and my husband is compeltely fine with who i am.

but i get advise from her every single day on this, some days i keep quiet, some days i jsut cant take it , i dont shout at her or raise my voice i end up defending myself . i am exhasuted.

i had an ivf and it was a stressful journey, having them home for this was helpful in certain way but to hear this everyday is adding to my stress and i just hate to be home.

i know, i shouldnt be bothered by this and jsut move on with it, but some days she jsut gets on my nerves.

my dad helps my mom in evertyhing that she does. he doesn't care what kind of work it is. they split it 50 -50 and my husband also is like this.

but she does everything she can to change that because she treats her husband like a child and her son like a new born, and thinks that is the best way.

she does everything for me too and she expects that i be the same with everyone. i have tried to get my point across by saying i dont need you treat me like a child always and i dont want to be expected to treat everyone like that, but she never udnerstands that and thinks she is teaching me how to be by being an example.

it is causing lot of stress.

i know there is nothing i can do..but i jsut needed to vent .
thanks for listeneing ladies.

 

Hi all, Thanks for your responses. It is more annoying than anything. My preg hormones are going crazy already and my husband is supportive but cannot do anything much. I dont force him either.

I came to office today eventhough i didnt have to since i jsut wanted to get away. I am thankful for this option. But i also miss my time with my son. but instead of sitting there and hearing all the nonsense, i will jsut take sometime off to be with myself and come back home rejuvunated to take some advises.

 

shethezone

My husband is the only son and they wanted to come and spend time with their son and grandson, since they were missing them. I cannot say no to that. They are here for another 2 months.

My son already goes to full time day care but the day care if closed for two weeks for christmas and holidays and hence he is at home. My son was also not well for the past one month adn they were very helpful.

I can really manage without them, but i being an only kid for my parents i completely understand what they go though when they say they want to spend time.

my husband shares chores but he also has a habit of making big deal about small things.

for example, giving my son a bath and putting him to sleep is a small day to day thing if i do it, but if my husband had to do it, he will make sure that everyone knows he is doing it. My inlaws who already are not supportive of my husband doing anything, will think my husband is struggling and will give me even more advises.

It is my husbands character to announce what he is doing and how it is a big deal...it is 10 years now and i know him well enough to know that it is jsut his way to doing things. But when his aprents are here, it doesnt work well, since they think that he is doing lot more than he is supposed and is struggling to balance work adn life. Small things like this jsut adds up. I cant tell this to my husband since he doesnt understand.

yesterday night i wasn't well since my nausea was really bad and i have a cold, i requested myt husband to put my son to sleep...he sad yes, but listed all the things that are getting delayed since he ahd to do that. his parents got annoyed at me...and on top of it my son was not sleeping..i ended doing it.

Had he not advertised what sacrifice he is doing to ut my son to sleep, things would haev been better.

when i told him this, he never understands, since he says " i immediately came to help adn still you find the need to complain".

What do i do. if they were not here, i wouldnt bother about what my husband says and even if it takes one hour for him to put my son to sleep, i would have been fine. I cannot do it with them since they will interfere and make it a big deal about how it is only mom who can comfort the baby.

I am a very attached mom and my son loves me very much. Cooking and spoling and over pampering my child is not my style. i am not saying it is right but it works for me and my family. But she doesnt understand that and gives me hard time with these advises any chance she gets.

for example..few days back, we got a notice from day care for a cooking class for kids. I said it is a greta program but since my son is only two eyars old it might not be good but maybe once he is 5 or 6 i will send him. immediately she started questioning me lik "dont you as a mother dont want to cook for your child and be the sole person who cooks?" how cooking is feeding is improtnant blah blah....

I was quiet initally but then later i said, jsut ebcuase he is going to cooking class at 5, doesnt mean he is going to cook his own dinner or lunch..it is jsut a class about how to make pb&J sandwiches, pasta sald, cookie, etc... but even if they grow up and old enough to use the burner i dont mind if they say, they want to cook noodles or show itnerest in cooking (let it be the boy or girl) . She didnt like the answer..and i get a lecture again as to how, it should be mom who should be doing this.

i try not to talk but when you are in small house, and have a toddler at home, it is not possible to lock yourself up adn not have a covnersation.

Anyways..i jsut needed to vent. thanks for everyone whor ead my long post patently and offered advise.