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Tips on Family Relationships

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sonu_627, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Spouse

    Marriages are made in heaven. Or so they say. From the time when a man and a woman hold hands and vow to hang in there together through thick and thin, for better and for worse, a beautiful bond begins. Regardless of its success or failure, a marriage relationship is one of the most intimate and most beautiful of bonds between two people. Find out all about the ups and downs in a marriage and see what makes things tick!

    Going spaces



    When is a space not a space? When it closes the gaps in your marriage.
    Wouldn't you agree that sometimes the greatest gift your husband can give is simply to leave you alone? Don't you suspect there are times he secretly wishes for the same freedom from you?

    # Room to breathe may mean nothing more than a chance to show others a facet of your personality that your mate finds less interesting. For example: Your girlfriends may adore your imitations of famous people, while your husband finds them silly.

    # Room to breathe also eases the adjustments you need to make to live as a couple. Think of everything that you might do, if your spouse weren't there to get irritated by them. Would you go to four movies on a Sunday? (You don't because he's not a film buff). But… if he takes the kids to visit his family without you, it's a blissful movie-marathon weekend for you. Result? You reconnect sweetly because you were able to satisfy your souls independently.

    # Room to breathe also means room to change - to have both time and permission to develop new talents, new interests and new occupations strictly on your own. Marriage profoundly shapes who we are. Spaces in marriage keep it from limiting who we are.


    But How Much Is Too Much?
    The amount of independence each person needs and can tolerate varies enormously. That's why it's impossible to generalise about such things as whether a long-distance marriage is “good” or “bad”. What you can say with certainty is that a commuter marriage creates huge spaces, and to stay close, a couple must commit to building bridges. In fact, couples who live apart are sometimes so intent on staying close that they communicate more effectively than those who have never spent a night apart. Still, going to bed and waking up together are powerful ties and many couples can't overcome the absence of this togetherness.
    The key is in finding a balance. A balance between togetherness and space. Different situations warrant different strategies. And depending on your unique situation, decide your strategy to either draw near or pull away!
     
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  2. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Ways to make your love last

    Ways to make your love last

    Here are some sure-shot ways to keep your passion at its sizzling best!


    Talk to each other:
    Best friends talk!!! Once the initial passion dies down, you are left with conversation. If there is no conversation then the relationship may only be built on the physical, and thus, not likely to last in the longterm. Find new things to talk about every day, even if it is just reporting your day to your loved-one. Talk about current events in the news, the plot of your favorite movie or just discuss plans for the next time you go out. Talking is the key to longevity… don’t forget it!


    Get away with each other: Take a trip together, whether for a night, a weekend or a week — it will breathe new life into your relationship, as well as test the waters by forcing you out of your ‘safe’ environment. Plus, you will be creating memories to last throughout your relationship. (Be sure to take pictures!)


    Give gifts: Sure, you can survive on love alone — but why? Don’t ever forget the importance of gifts! Don’t feel like you must spend a fortune on gift-giving — after all, it’s the little things that count anyway. A single flower, a picture frame, a magazine… any little thing that reminds you of your lover… will make your sweetheart’s love grow.


    Make Love: Well, this is self-explanatory. Believe it or not, sometimes in a long-term relationship, sex gets put on a backburner. Try not to let this happen. Talking about the subject and being genuinely affectionate will help keep the fire lit.


    Write notes: Leave little love notes for each other in unexpected places… under a pillow. On the bathroom mirror. In his lunch bag.
    Email. This will keep the courtship going well after you move in together!


    Walk: A great way to take some time with your loved one is to go for a walk together. Not only will you be able to spend some time away from the daily grind of your home or office, but you may also find that you begin talking more often about things you wouldn’t otherwise. It’s also a great excuse to hold hands and get some exercise!


    Flirt: No, not with other people! With each other! Once people settle into a relationship, it get easier and easier to forget to continuously woo the object of your affection. Don’t forget the hair flips, the coy smiles and the light touches on the arm... they can be integral in keeping the excitement going, especially after many years and a few kids...


    Get away from each other: Plan a trip or a retreat for yourself, or just isolate yourself on the other side of the house for a day. Sometimes, we get so caught up in being a couple that we forget to be an individual. Take a bath or read a book, or catch up on correspondence. Or just sleep. Time alone can be rejuvenating, and by the end of it,
    you may find that you look forward to seeing your partner even more!


    Make a list of everything you love about them… and give it to them: Be sure to let the love of your life know why they hold that title. All too often we say ‘I Love You’, but never really think about each little thing that creates the overall emotion. Tell her you love her laugh or that his smile makes the problems of the world go away or that his silly sense of humor is what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Telling your partner the things that make up the building blocks of your relationship will put a new light on your love… and make you more aware of the little things of the future.


    Cook dinner for each other:
    Plan a menu, do some grocery shopping and Bam! — you are an expert in the kitchen. Well, maybe not, but a nice dish of pasta and some wine can go a long way with a little candlelight, some music and togetherness. Make an effort to prepare dinner for each other. It can be fun to plan the perfect meal and the atmosphere you create during the meal can reap major benefits after the meal!


    Make CDs for one another: Show your true side to your sweetheart by making a CD compilation of your favorite songs throughout the years. Be honest — put all the disco and Journey and Britney Spears on it as you wish… it will always remind your partner of you and you can joke about it later on.


    Celebrate little anniversaries: Your first date. Your first kiss. Your first trip. Your first… whatever. CELEBRATE IT! Remember your time together by creating little anniversaries for otherwise trivial things. It will keep the spark alive and give you incentive to try new things together!
     
  3. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    "Mom, when you were young, did you ever..?"

    "Mom, when you were young, did you ever..?"

    <!--editPad "Mom, when you were young, did you ever..?"

    <INTRO>Parents today are in a precarious position: with the explosion of the drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll culture in the seventies and eighties, many of us made some pretty poor choices when we were young. To state the truth, some of us are lucky to be alive. Now that we're parents, if we ever found out that our kids did half of what we did, we would go berserk. Which poses a dilemma: What should we tell our kids about our past? Here are some possible answers you could use:</INTRO><IMAGE1>E:\Editorialprocess\Prabha\QCIMAGE\Home Page\Today images\mom.jpg</IMAGE1><IMAGE2></IMAGE2><IMAGE3></IMAGE3><IMAGEI>E:\Editorialprocess\Prabha\QCIMAGE\Home Page\Today images\mom_hp.jpg</IMAGEI><ALT1></ALT1><ALT2></ALT2><ALT3></ALT3><KEY>Parenting, children, advice</KEY><ALIGN1>Right</ALIGN1><ALIGN2></ALIGN2><ALIGN3></ALIGN3><ALIGNI>Right</ALIGNI><SECTION1></SECTION1><SECTION2></SECTION2><COVER>0</COVER> editPad-->


    Here come the questions you dread: Did you ever get high? Ride with a drunk driver? Get drunk yourself? Rob a bank?

    Parents today are in a precarious position: with the explosion of the drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll culture in the seventies and eighties, many of us made some pretty poor choices when we were young. To state the truth, some of us are lucky to be alive. Now that we're parents, if we ever found out that our kids did half of what we did, we would go berserk. Which poses a dilemma: What should we tell our kids about our past?

    Here are some possible answers you could use:



    • Should I level with my child if she asks? That depends on why she's asking. Is she looking for ammunition to use in an ongoing power struggle? Or is she going through something similar and looking for guidance? It's usually not hard to tell: There's a big difference between "did you ever smoke cigarettes?" and "didn't you ever smoke cigarettes? Oh! that's right, you were Little Miss Perfect!" If your child is just looking for a fight, don't fall for it. Tell her that you were talking about her, not about you. What you did way back then was irrelevant.

      If your child is looking for guidance, however, you can open a discussion. Get to the heart of the matter by asking, "Why do you want to know? Is someone pressuring you? Are your friends doing some things that are making you uncomfortable?" If your child is facing a dilemma similar to the one you once dealt with, discussing an example from your past might help.
    • Are there some things I must reveal? If you struggled with alcoholism or addiction, it is better that your child hears it from you. Even if he's not asking questions. Even if you'd rather not talk, someone else is likely to spill your family secrets. But how much of it to tell, and when the best time would be, is for you to decide.
    • How much information can my child handle? Obviously, what you tell a 7-year-old is going to be vastly different from what you tell a 13-year-old. If you think your child is too young to hear, then simply say, "That's conversation for when you are older."



      Choose carefully what you reveal. Remember that kids don't want to dwell on the fact that the parents were ever out of control. For preteens or young adolescents, it's bad enough that they are overwhelmed and confused by their own rash impulses. It would be immensely disturbing for some kids to think about Mom being drunk and going totally beserk. They need to know that someone is in charge who can guide them and protect them from themselves. Skip the details and simply say, "...struggled with sexual feelings when I was young, too. I made some rotten choices, and I hope you won't make the same mistakes. Here's why."
    • Wouldn't it be easier to lie? It's tempting, but no. Kids have very good hypocrisy detectors. If they sense that you're from the 'I didn't inhale' school, they're not going to be forthcoming with you. Besides, all it takes is one comment from an old friend or relative and the jig is up. That doesn't mean you must tell all. Never lose sight of the fact that you are the parent and she is your child. Don't laugh with her about how you once outdrove the cops or dated a 30-year-old man when you were 16. You do not 'owe' her any explanations. All your child needs to know is that you no longer act that way, for very good reasons.
    • How do I answer "You did it and you turned out okay?" Did you really turn out okay? Many of us carry scars because of stupid decisions we made when we were young. Kids tend to think they are invincible, so make sure that your discussion includes the consequences you suffered. (If you really didn't suffer, impress upon them that you were just lucky and give examples of friends or relatives who weren't so fortunate.) Point out the differences between then and now. The truth is, the consequences of youthful bad judgment are more serious these days. When one mother told her 12-year-old daughter that she had once been caught shop lifting, she pointedly added, "All that happened to me was that the store manager called my mother. Today, they would probably call the police."
    • Won't talking about drugs plant ideas in their heads? Parents today are frighteningly naïve. Our children are faced with pressure and temptations at a comparatively very early age. Whatever you tell them has already been planted in their heads. If you don't discuss it with them, somebody else will. Parents still underestimate the extent to which children today are exposed to drugs. Parents may be uncomfortable with conversations about drugs if they themselves did them. They need to get over being afraid, because their children are crying out for information and guidance. And the earlier you start these conversations with you children, the better.
    • Won't I lose her respect? While you relationship with your child may change you will not lose her respect if you avoid the trap of becoming more of a friend than an authority figure. A parent can share experiences with a child, but that should not be a confession. You are not doing a penance, asking for forgiveness or trying to get her to think you are cool. You are there to guide, instruct and set limits.

      Kids can feel like they're the only ones who have ever felt a certain way or struggled with tough decisions. Once they see that you had faced those same hard choices, they will grow closer to you.
     
  4. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Friendship a bond forever

    Friendship <s> </s> a bond forever

    Most of us, whether single or married, living alone or with a family, whether lonely or on the top of the world, need friends. Friendship is a special bond born out of a special need to share. Most bonds of friendship stand the test of time. Sometimes childhood friendships begun in the kindergarten or in school last almost a lifetime. How do we single out people and strike deep bonds with them? Is it magic? Is it chemistry? Or is it some association from the previous birth? What is it that determines with whom a person will strike a bond of friendship?

    An unpredictable attachment

    While some friendships are formed between those who belong to the same age and sex, or those who share similar backgrounds, interests or values, there are those that defy logic because there are more dissimilarities than similarities between the two people concerned. Sometimes a bond may develop between one very vivacious personality and the other a quiet, reticent person, or one a shy and hesitant person and the other a good conversationalist and socialite. Age, personality and cultural differences are no longer barriers but eventually give way to friendship.

    An inherent need

    Sometimes, we make friends because we are lonely and need someone to share our thoughts and feelings, our fun and games with. Some friends are brought together by common needs. To find someone to do things with or chat with is good fun. Common interests such as love for animals, mountaineering, or art can also bring people together. Friendship also satisfies the need for understanding and emotional support. Issues and subjects, which are not understood or appreciated by parents, siblings, children or even spouse, can be discussed with friends. Sometimes, friends are brought together due to similar concerns. Teenagers, who find acne and excess weight distressing, rely heavily on friends to tide them through this rough phase. Often young mothers, who begin exchanging notes with each other on how to bring up their children, end up forming a lasting bond with the person. In fact, friendships based on emotional support are predictably more intense than friendship based on doing things together.

    A special gift

    We rely heavily on our friends for emotional sustenance, companionship, motivation, advice, and most of all, for their love and concern. A friend makes a deep influence on one’s life, particularly in the formative years. One of the contributions a friend makes is that he/she teaches us social skills. The way we talk, meet or behave is often shaped by our interaction with friends. Friends influence our thoughts, views and perceptions of life. Sometimes important decisions in our lives are taken due to a friend’s influence. Many of us subconsciously strive to be like our friends.
     
  5. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Why Can't He Apologise?

    Why Can't He Apologise?

    <!--editPad Why Can't He Apologise?

    <INTRO>Women usually apologise more easily than men do, primarily because we tend to be more comfortable showing our vulnerability and admitting our mistakes. Some of us may even over-apologise. </INTRO><IMAGE1></IMAGE1><IMAGE2></IMAGE2><IMAGE3></IMAGE3><IMAGEI></IMAGEI><ALT1></ALT1><ALT2></ALT2><ALT3></ALT3><KEY>Relationships</KEY><ALIGN1></ALIGN1><ALIGN2></ALIGN2><ALIGN3></ALIGN3><ALIGNI>Right</ALIGNI><SECTION1></SECTION1><SECTION2></SECTION2><COVER>0</COVER> editPad-->An apology is a gift, not just to the person we've hurt but also to ourselves. When genuine, it can go a long way toward fostering forgiveness and healing. Without it, both parties have to work harder to reconnect. Women usually apologise more easily than men do, primarily because we tend to be more comfortable showing our vulnerability and admitting our mistakes. Some of us may even over-apologise.

    Growing up, men may have gotten the message that real men don't apologise. Perhaps they suffered injustices but never heard the words "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong", either from their parents or from other important people in their lives. Admitting an error may feel like a concession of the upper hand, at least temporarily, in your relationship. Not that they are necessarily conscious of this. This behaviour may be as mystifying to them as it is to you.

    The more you push for an apology, the less likely you are to get one. And since you know from experience that fighting, blaming or trying to change the man in your life won't work, why waste your time doing more of the same? Instead, put aside your expectation that he will view apologies the same way you do, and try to broaden the discussion. You need to find out more about the tradition of apologising in his family: Was his father ever able to offer a genuine, unqualified apology when one was due? How have his attempts at conciliation been received?

    The less you need a set response from him, the more creative you can be in finding a common ground. Let him know that you want to learn more about his experience with apologising in the past, not because you demand a change, but because you love him and want to understand where he's coming from. Most important, don't get so caught up in his limitations that you overlook his strengths. It's no small thing that he actually hears your complaints, then does things differently. Many men are quick to offer a string of "sorry"s, but they never get a grip on their troublesome behaviour. The love of your life might be already light years ahead of them.
     
  6. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Getting Along With the In-Laws

    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Getting Along With the In-Laws[/font][/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And you thought the wedding was stressful![/font]

    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Getting along with your in-laws can sometimes be challenging. Although they may want to have as much influence on your daily lives as your parents once did, you are not likely to have the same type of relationship. [/font]
    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Taking the time to get along with your spouse's parents is not always easy, but is rewarding. Here are some tips: [/font]


    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Put yourself in their... chappals. Sometimes it helps to look at things from their perspective. Are they coping with a lot of stress from planning the wedding? Are they worried about finances or taking care of their guests? Do they have any concerns about you as a couple?[/font]
    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Whether or not you their fears are well founded, understanding their perspective can help you improve the way you relate to your in-laws. Take the time to figure out what theyíre thinking, and youíll be better able to convince them otherwise! [/font]


    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Start fresh - Weddings bring out the best and worst in the people involved, and you, your spouse and your respective families may all be at your worst. Little things that normally would not bother you can become larger issues. Each of you is influenced by a host of well-meaning, friends, relatives and other on-lookers. When the wedding is over, start fresh. Try to forgive and forget and start over.

      [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Figure out your boundaries - It is important to be as flexible as possible. However, some things may not be negotiable. If you have some specific concerns or limitations, talk to your spouse and figure out a way to communicate these to your parents. It's best to establish these as early as possible in your marriage.

      [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Don't compare - Try not to compare your in-laws with your parents. There is no comparison. Each set of parents has their own set of qualities. Establish a new relationship with your in-laws and be open to new ways of doing things.

      [/font]
      • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Know who does the talking - Let your fiancée be the one to discuss difficult and controversial issues with his parents. He or she has more experience in dealing with them, and they are less likely to resent him.

        [/font]
      • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Be inclusive - Your in-laws want to be a part of your life. Although you may be closer to your own parents, take the time to get to know your in-laws and teach them more about yourself. Include them in important decisions and milestones in your life. Ask them for their opinion. Be open to what you hear.[/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Help out - This is an easy one. Always offer to help your in-laws, whether its doing the dishes, or picking up a gift for a wedding you are going to. Encourage your spouse to be as helpful to your own parents.
      [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Find a balance - Be good yourself, and maintain a good relationship with your friends, your spouse and your own family. You may exaggerate issues with your in-laws because you are unhappy about something else. On the other hand, you may neglect other important people because you are trying to be the "perfect" son or daughter-in-law.
      [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Know your secrets - If you and your fiancée have a disagreement, work it out without involving either set of parents. Agree to keep certain things personal. Its that simple.[/font]
    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Finally, if your fiancée's parents are less than gracious before the wedding, try not to take it personally. Remember that your fiancée chose you, but he or she didnít choose his or her parents. It is not essential for you and your in-laws to be best friends, but mutual respect and politeness can go a long way. After the wedding, when you have both had time to adjust, you may even discover that they are not as bad as you feared. Good luck![/font]
     
  7. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Separating From In-laws

    [font=arial,helvetica]SEPARATING FROM IN-LAWS


    [/font]
    <table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="95%"> <tbody><tr valign="top"> <td> [font=arial,helvetica] It is wonderful if children can look after their parents, but if this arrangement is not working, it’s best to separate.

    Most of us Indians take pride in the fact that our family ties are so strong. After all, we don’t see the joint family system existing in many other cultures, do we? Where else will we see families consisting of two brothers, their wives, their children, their parents and perhaps even a grandparent if not two, living in the same house? Where will we find wives who wake up early morning, cook for their husbands and prepare their tiffins before they set off for work? In which other culture do the old look after their young? Truly, we Indians could teach the world a thing or two about happy families.
    Or so we think.

    While the joint family system can be great if it works, it rarely does. Animosity amongst sisters-in-law or amongst mothers and daughters in law is common, and this eventually leads to a break in the relationship amongst parents and their sons, or between brothers. Often, husbands are unaware of the seriousness of the problems faced by their wives when it comes to coping with in-laws. The blame may lie with either side. Not all mothers in law are evil, not all ‘bahus’ are angels.

    While it is definitely nice if children can look after their parents, if this arrangement does not seem to be working, it is always better to separate. A husband should never compel his wife to live with her in-laws if they are having problems. Perhaps the mother in law is harassing his wife, or perhaps she is harassing her mother in law. Either way, it is best for all, if he starts working on arranging for separate accommodation.


    [font=arial,helvetica] Let’s say that everything in your family is going well. Everyone gets along with everyone, so you see no need for separate accommodation, or for separate finances. While this arrangement may work fine for you, have you given a thought to the future generation? While you may never dream of squabbling over money with your brothers, would you want your children to squabble over money with their cousins? Millions of family disputes over a business or property are pending in Indian courts, all because the earlier generation did not have the foresight to distribute their assets wisely.[/font]

    [/font]</td></tr></tbody></table>
     
  8. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Making It Work

    MAKING IT WORK


    Trouble in paradise? All marriages go through rough patches, but not all survive. Here’s how you can work on keeping your marriage strong.


    There are couples that are happily married and that positively glow in each other’s company, and there are couples that just live together for the sake of doing so, although they aren’t happy in the marriage.

    Although all couples argue, sometimes over the smallest things, when these arguments seem to take place constantly, and when you fight more than you talk, couples often start wondering if they should head for divorce. Where did those loving, romantic days go, you wonder, and how did problems escalate to such an extent?

    Here’s what you and your spouse can do now, to prevent trouble brewing up later on.


    Communicate


    One of the most important factors in a marriage is communication. You and your partner should be able to communicate with each other. At times, communication may seem to be a chore, but it must be done. Don’t berate yourself because you don’t feel like talking with your partner after returning home from a tiring day at the office. It is perfectly natural, and this is not a sign that your marriage is headed towards deterioration. However, you need to remember that if indulging in conversation seems to be an effort – it is an effort that must be made.

    Don’t just shrug off your spouse’s questions – answer them – and ask some of your own. If you don’t do this, pretty soon your married life will be reduced to simply watching television together and not indulging in communication unless necessary. Discuss your dreams, aspirations, feelings and your work life with each other. Did something interesting happen to your friends? Instead of calling up another friend to discuss it, call your spouse. Gossip with your partner – treat him like you would treat your best friend.


    Make an effort

    Marriage takes effort. It isn’t smooth sailing all the way. If you want it to work, you need to work at it. If you take your marriage or each other for granted, it is not long before your marriage will fall apart.

    Always keep in mind that only if your spouse is happy, will she be able to keep you happy. If she is unhappy, you too will not be happy. Every time you argue with your spouse or abuse her, remember that you are only hacking at your own feet, and ruining what could otherwise be a good marriage and perhaps a great chance at happiness.


    Avoid destructive criticism

    Try and think of you and your spouse as a team, and work on building each other up instead of pulling each other down. Don’t criticize your spouse and justify it by telling yourself it is for his or her own good. There is constructive criticism, and there is destructive criticism. Before criticizing, ask yourself if it your input is necessary and constructive, and if it will solve anything.


    Look for solutions, not blame

    Problems crop up all the time, and you cannot expect your marriage to be smooth sailing all the way. When a problem does crop up, offer solutions instead of trying to pin the blame on each other.


    Consider counselling

    Not every marriage can be salvaged, and at times divorce may be inevitable. Before taking this extreme step, consider going for marriage counselling. The counsellor may help you see things from each other’s point of view, and you may be able to find happiness again.
     
  9. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Love Means Having To Say Sorry When…

    [font=arial,helvetica] LOVE MEANS HAVING TO SAY SORRY WHEN…

    [/font]
    [font=arial,helvetica]'Love means never having to say you're sorry' Erich Segal immortalized the words in 'Love Story' but in real life- a genuine 'sorry' eases the bumps.. [/font] [font=arial,helvetica]
    …You’ve been inconsiderate.
    …You’ve hurt your loved one.
    …You’ve taken him for granted once too often.


    With apologies to Erich Segal, love doesn’t mean never having to say you’re sorry. In any relationship there will be times when we will intentionally or unintentionally hurt our nearest ones. And at such times nothing works better than a sincere apology.

    The key word here is ‘sincere’. But sadly, this term has been abused so frequently that the regret has become submerged below sheer inanity. And the inevitable excuse that leaps to our lips with a ‘sorry’ has been reduced it to a meaningless mumble. It is high time we give ‘sorry’ back the dignity it deserves.
    [/font]

    [font=arial,helvetica]
    Catch yourself when you say the S -word

    Here are some common examples of how saying Sorry has little meaning.
    [/font]

    1. [font=arial,helvetica]
      [*] Are your ‘sorry’s’ always followed with, “Actually, you see…” ? As in, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t call, actually I was so tied up in my work…”This kind of an apology is worse than not saying sorry, because what you really mean here, is that your work is far more important than calling up the person. You’re in a way doubling the damage, first you failed to call, and then you’re relegating your friend to a secondary status. Why not take the responsibility instead? Just say, “ I’m really sorry, I should’ve called that day.” That should smooth your friend’s ruffled feathers effectively!
      [*] Another purposeless sorry is ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you’. That proclaims loudly that you really don’t consider your action/words to be hurtful, but if the other person is sissy enough to be hurt by them, well, okay sorry. How insensitive does it sound! And it is. The correct way should be, “I know/realize I’ve hurt you and I’m honestly sorry.”
      [*] The lastly a rather common apology between spouses is ‘I’m sorry but it was entirely your fault’. Often enough we catch one saying, “I’m sorry I lost my temper that day but then you were being so unreasonable!” and expecting the other one to forgive and forget! But has this person really apologized? No, he is just playing the blame game yet another time! No wonder then that apologies of this kind do little to resolve issues.
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    Say sorry without beating around the bush-

    ‘Thank you’ and ‘sorry’ are among the first words that we learn as children. But we are made to say them so often, that they become more like reflex actions, than anything else. Some times, our own guilt makes us defensive, and then we use either the ‘excuse’ or ‘blame’ apology, to wriggle out of accepting responsibility. At other times, we mean the ‘sorry’, but dilute it with unasked reasons and explanations.

    While it is always important to mean what we say, and say what we mean, it becomes imperative when we are saying sorry. Because the whole idea behind an apology is, not just saying the word, but actually feeling sorry. The moment we add an excuse or a blame to it, it becomes not just insincere, but meaningless. Because that simply makes it a route to escape responsibility with an easier conscience.

    A sincere apology is a healer for both the offender and the offended. Once we take the whole responsibility of a wrong, and apologize in the proper spirit, we mend rifts and strengthen relations. Along with that, we also enrich ourselves, as we become less defensive.

    To rephrase Segal’s immortal lines, ‘Love means having to say sorry when you’ve hurt one, but say it without any excuses or explanations.
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  10. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    All about my dad

    All about my dad

    Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.

    F.A.T.H.E.R.S. are

    "F" aithful.
    "A" lways there.
    "T" rustworthy.
    "H" onoring.
    "E" ver-loving.
    "R" ighteous.
    "S" upportive.

    I love you, Dad, for all the things you do; you make me laugh when I am feeling blue.

    You can untie the hardest knot of all; although I've tugged the lace until it's small.

    You know the reason for 'most everything; Like why it rains and why bees sting;

    Like why the sun comes up and flowers bloom; And why a jet creates a sonic boom!

    You are the closest friend I've ever had. You share with me times, both good and bad.

    You play those games I know you hate to play. And plan a trip for me each holiday.

    A Dad means so many things... An understanding heart; A source of strength and of support, right from the very start;

    A constant readiness to help, in a kind and thoughtful way; with encouragement and forgiveness, no matter what comes your way;

    A special generosity and affection, too. A Dad means so many things when he's a man like you...

    I love you, Dad, for all the things you do, But most of all I love you, Dad, for you.
     

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