Tips needed to handle orthodox MIL

Harini,

Ur MIL can follow her whatever.... But talk to your husband and show him articles regarding women's menstruation cycle and the irritation, body pain they will have at that time and make him understand slowly that its not an issue. Tell him why there was a custom prev and why now its not required and all that.

I am really sorry that you have to go thru all this even in this kind of culture... Its difficult to make your MIL understand all this. But you must change your husband's attitude..

 

i too am asked to sit out during my periods n all initially i was irritated .... then eventually i asked my husband to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing etc with all the madi as I was told to do for those 3 days, one fine morning he told me he did not believe in sitting out during the periods, just that i need not enter the pooja room for 5 days
it worked for me ... try it it can work for u too

I personally believe ppl never change on the behest of the other person explaining things to them even if it is your spouse ... ppl do things only as per their convenience n only n only if it provides them with some sorta benefit ... so it is better to work your way smartly

 

Vini has given a good idea..since u r in USA, u and ur hubby are only there. Make him do all the housework in those days and tell him that u r following ur MIL's instructions. I think then only he will realize his foolishness.

 

Hi Socialbee & rharini..! even i face this problem every month during my periods. It's just 1yr of my marriage..we stay with my IL's in India, Hyd. 1st month after marriage, my MIL sent me to my parents house 4days prior to my date saying that i must be missing my parents.. I was very happy. In the 2nd month, she gave me a big shock. i should not touch anything, cannot come into the kitchen,can only sit on a plastic chair (which she'll later ask our maid to wash it before anyone else uses it), my husband cannot touch me and he should not even be sleeping with me on the same bed, I cannot go out of house (but can go to my office.. ), should not step in the area that's in front of the pooja room,I have a separate plate to eat, glass to drink water during my 1st 3 days of periods. she serves me food as if i am an untouchable.. I used to cry for myself during initial months. I tried to follow all this for few months without even complaining to my H. But, slowly i hv started getting frustrated with such non-sense treatment as if having periods is a big sin. Worse is when i and my husband have to sleep separately. Our's is an arranged marriage and luckily we love each other a lot.I cannot bear a forced separation from my husband. Every month, during these 3 days i cannot sleep becoz of the severe menstrual pains and these inevitable mental torture from MIL. thrice, i even went to stay with my parents to escape this torture. MIL is a good lady but highly superstitious. She says that we will face problems in life if we dont follow these rules. which i dnt believe at all! I must b lucky that my DH understood (though he took 3 months to understand) me when i explained him my situation, i gave him the examples of his colleagues, his friends' wives, his friends (girls) and told him y i cannot take all this.I also explained him y i still dont behave badly with my MIL. My H once, went & asked my MIL- y all this? she said " she (me) has to do all this. else, i will go and stay separately". Then, he came back to me and shouted saying that, i hv a better MIL when compared to many other girls these days, so i have to bear JUST this come what may.. I was greatly hurt but later spoke to my H and told him, that "even i am not a bad DIL. Even i can create a quarrel for every small thing if i wish. I dont do that becoz i love u and i respect ur parents. Just for ur sake i will do anything except that u have to sleep with me with or w/out her knowledge" He immediately accepted for that. Though i feel bad that we r cheating my MIL by sleeping together, I do not want my H to get used to all these things. That's y i made this condition.. i feel hurt but i can't stay unhappy for long..can't brood on past. have to get along with life.. And m happy becoz i hv an understanding H. But, Rharini, urs is worse. i sincerely appreciate ur patience.. pls try and solve ur prblm at the earliest... take care.

 

Socialbee, just to add to the tip ILs have already given you- Why don't you try this trick- during a major festival, say you have your periods and have your hubby do every single thing. Make sure you get a long list from your MIL weeks before the festival. If you don't, she will probably relax her rules and ask her son to do some minor stuff. The list must be detailed and he will then experience the pain of doing it all without any help. If your MIL says it is OK. You can't do it when you have periods, you can say that you are afraid that bad things will happen if we do this every year and don't do it this year. So your hubby can manage. Let us seewhat happens then.

 

Yikesss I did not know that a woman on her menstrual cycle was "untouchable". What century are these people living in? I can't believe all these ritual and believes still exit. Well only one way to settle it, let the men do all the household chores and cooking.