Tips needed to handle orthodox MIL

I would suggest,you politly ask for all the help from your husband and engage him equally in all the things you suppose to do and paritcipate in the rituals.

 

Socialbee, The problem is you should believe that what you are doing is right.If you are half minded thinking that if you do not follow this , I might end up having the curse of god, then you cannot fight against your hubby or MIL.
As Riyagan says , we have a lot of good things in Hinduism.But there are some people who came inbetween and forced somethings for their own selfishness and people follow such customs superstitiously.None of us know our religion in "raw" form.We all know what others tell or preach us .Thatz it.Who knows whatever is taught/preached is right?This is a big disadvantage in our religion.We cannot blame the religion for that.It is the people.

BTW, I think , elders might have kept the girl/lady away from all the household work when she has periods, (I am guessing) to give her some rest as we have hormonal changes and mood swings during that period.But I do not agree to that "theetu" thing.You can ask a person to take rest without making them feel untouchable.JMO.

If you are not able to convince them, then ignore them.Or I would suggest enjoy your 3 days a mnth by taking rest(You know what i mean).Let your hubby do all the work.

 

Hi Social

Juist like you don't believe these thinsg your MIL has a right to believ in her thoughts but she cannot force it on to you .During Initial stages of marriages all MILs are like this but after a few years they when get to know DILs better some MILs change .MY MIL was also very particular about these things in India .When I visit her house I follow her rules lieks taying away the 3 days ( which I feel is a blessing as you get to rest for those 3 days ) and follow her way of cooking .But certain things I cannot handle and during initial stages I kept quiet but now it has been ten years and I tell her I don't believe in such madi aacharam or pooja and I do they way I want it and she is ok with that .The unwritten rule between me and MIL is that when I visit her we follow her rules may it be the kitchen or outside and i respect it and when she visits us she has learned to adjust my way so doing things in the house .Since your are in US if your MIL gives instructions for doing pooja just nod your head and say you will do the things and do it your own way and never tell her anything if she specifically asks you tell her what was possible and what was not she will learn to accept that .Usually MILs lighten up when they come here and visit and understand how difficult it is to practise Madi aacharam here when you have carpet everywhere and how we use less water here in US compared to India .

 

These husbands play HARISHCHANDRA role only for thier moms..just try and make some new custom of yours(imagination) and just ask your husband to follow it as this is essential to do and your mother means his MIL has asked for..then see what he says.. does he follow or ask you to simply say that he have done it..once he says this your purpose is solved..i guess..

 

Hi Social Bee

TO handle yoru DH initailly try this during the 3 days stay away from kitchen and ask him do the entire cooking right from making morning coffee to loading up dishwasher in the night .See how he reacts by 2 days he will be dead tired and swallow his own words .Enjoy the rest for those 3 days :bonk.as other said don;t get irritated or show yoru disbelief whne your MIL calls before DH .just pretend as if you want to follow everything and ask DH to help in everything say for example your MIL is asking you to fast for entir karaaday r nombhu ( I assume your tamil ) and asks you to make that kara adai ( which my HUbby hates and I hate to eat it too so whats the point making it ) then afters ending off DH to office eat whaever you want and ask DH to help you with cooking and see how he reacts soon he will understand and difficulty if he is put in that position .Go with a flow and change one thing at a time .I told my DH that if I do the cooking then you come and do the pooja so you can be part of it.Tell him otherwies you will tel MIL .Tell you MIL that he needs to recite all slokam do 3 time sandyavanthanam and all and he should follow as well give them thei own taste of medicine they will subside

Good Luck