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Thoughts On Social Dancing?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by tulip07, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. tulip07

    tulip07 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    My husband and I started going for Salsa lessons a few months ago and now that we know some dance moves, we have being going to social dancing events as well. So, in these kind of events you dance on one song and then change your partner, then dance on another and change, and so on.

    Earlier, I was very insecure of this thought - 'my husband dancing with random people' but since I also danced with different people, I kind of digested it. But still I have this little bit of insecurity left in me, which is not dying away. For him, he just enjoys dancing and never thinks like me.

    What are your thoughts on this? Do any of you also had such experiences? How can I get rid of this feeling or is it justified? Is this just because I am an Indian (also my husband is) and I have been brought up in a certain way, that I am unable to understand or adapt to the foreign lifestyle/ not open-minded enough (well, I know its becoming common nowadays in big Indian cities as well... but you know what I mean!) ?

    It would be nice to hear your views and opinions had you been in this situation. :blush:
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    First, I think you need to identify whether your problem is about your dh touching other women or you touching other men.

    But reading about your 'insecure thought', I guess it's the first one. It's the possessiveness kicking in. If you feel it's harmless, you can jus let it go. If it continues to bother you, better pick a dance where there is no changing partners or less touching.

    Also I think this feeling depends on the individuals. I still have reservations about this. I am not ok with either me or my dh touching the opp gender. Maybe it's the indian mentality talking or maybe am uncomfortable or jus possessive or maybe all together.

    Even during our night outs, when we dance with our friends, we aren't touching anyone, so that still works.

    I do have some friends who dances with strangers just for fun, touching or hugging n all. They seem to be ok with it. They say it just for fun n forget about it the next second.

    If you are enjoyin it n having fun, then jus focus on that.
     
  3. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with the other responder, if it makes you uncomfortable, choose other dance where there is no switching partners during dance. Don't feel too bad about being uncomfortable, we are Indian women who are not used to touching, hugging, dancing with other men except for dads.. So, you can't change that all of a sudden. But, if you continue to learn this, then pls also know that dancing with other women is not going to drive your man away or affect him, since it's just a dance & in his heart it's you esp since "he just enjoys dancing".
     
    Sunburst and sindmani like this.
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You should share this post, as is, with your husband. I can almost guarantee such sharing will have some memorable and pleasant results. When there are such insecurities though both know there is no cause for them, and have total trust and faith, and yet there are such thoughts.. oh my.. the potential for some extremely agreeable clarification is endless.

    We were on this boat-trip in the Caribbean. A very curvaceous, very sexy, very dusky, and very scantily clad local belle was dancing on the boat. She was taking volunteers to dance with and half-flirtingly persuading the reluctant ones. Better half got pulled in , drink in hand and all. So he is balancing the drink held up high in the air, (drinks were not complimentary), while the belle, well how do I put it.. seems to be having her way with him. : ) : ) Thoughts and feelings I didn't know still existed came to the fore. LOL. I issued the dutiful glare in his direction from my perch by the boat railing. No use. Neither my looks nor the looks I issue can kill any more. Next thing I know, the belle has moved on... to <gulp> my just turned teenage son. : ) : ) He of course duly issued the glare in my direction that said: "see ... this is why I didn't even want to come on this stupid boat trip". I discreetly took the stairs and went up up to the top deck. A wise move.. as there is no therapy that can help with the same belle dancing with one's DH and son. : ) : )
     
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  5. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    OMG, I can imagine! :lol: possessiveness tested to limits.

    Also, a bold move! I wouldn't have moved from there until I dragged my husband out of there! !!!:tearsofjoy::roflmao:
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
  6. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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  7. Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    If you are not comfortable with something ,speak up! I personally won't be comfortable with anyone getting too close to me or my hubby . If it's just a hobby for you guys , find some other dance forms that you both enjoy . If one is fuming while the other seems to be merry making , then it defeats the purpose of pursuing a hobby together .
     
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  8. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana you did not say what happened to your DH after he returned to the room.
     
  9. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    You never said what is really bothering you, you just said you feel insecure, what are you insecure about?
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is nothing about Indian mentality, it is about your individuality.
    I have some close friends, who have no problems in dancing with strangers, with close moves - of course hugging, touching etc... But I hate it. I could not do it.
    I do dance in social events, but never touched others, specially men.
    Change the dance, and opt for something that wouldn't demand change of partners.

    Oh..wait.. Looks like, dancing with someone isn't your problem here. It is your possessiveness, about watching your H dance with other women.
    Of course it hurts, and I understand the discomfort you are going through.
    If I were you, I would straight away inform my H that I am not comfortable.
    It is nothing about him, but about your emotions.
     
    shreepriya likes this.

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