Thought Provoking....

Knowing myself,my reaction would be -
1) fight with him,LOL...but it was your dream,not his.
2)I would say - but i wanted what SIL took.He will know better next time and give gifts separatley.
3)go with SIL (i am hoping she is a better company than MIL),and while out there,have dinner outside too.
4)It would bother me that my husband is trying to be over smart.I will ask my H not to bad mouth his parents in front of me as they are elders of the family.Also will wake up crying one day that I had a horrible dream in which he was saying bad things about me to them.He will think twice before saying anything about anyone in future.
5)Didn't go on a trip but were actually visiting them and anniversary happened during that time.ILs are better than husband in that sense.got a gift from them,none from stupid H.

 

1. This happens frequently, at this point, I don't really mind because In-Laws are pretty sweet and can read the situation enough to not come. In actuality, it's usually me inviting the In-laws since they are our guest.
2. If I had a SIL, may be my response might be different, but I honestly wouldn't mind her taking the wrong gift. This could be because my H doesn't know how to buy for me anyway, so I needn't worry that I would be so in love with his choice of gift.
3. I love the movies, so I am all for going, with or without H. Unless the movie is about something too mature and awkward with In laws.
4. Initially I did... now I don't really care what people think of me. Talking about me doesn't normally happen behind my back though (it happens during a fight and H starts complaining to his parents). It's his parents and he has the right to talk to them.
5. I am not sentimental about my anniversary, but at the very least, I would appreciate a private lunch/dinner.

 

Ur posts are really matured. I always appreciated ur matured thoughts and ways. Yes we need to be less n less emotional . Now a days i just keep accepting things that come my way .

 

Wow, Thank you for this reply. I don't really feel all that mature, (I can be awfully petty and end up silently stewing on my thoughts) and most people think that I am not mature (usually those who are from my In-laws family, my side of the family think I'm crazy mature because I was so immature before marriage). I think marriage and children forces us women to change in many ways. Despite having independent thought and endeavors, we always feel responsibility toward family and children. That responsibility is what makes us more circumspective. I definitely don't think that we need to live and die with only our H and children in our forethought, I just try to make things comfortable for everyone, including myself. I definitely don't want to cause wars on petty issues and lose chunks of my weekends to a broody H.

 

Yes, we have lots to face and that makes us accept where we are. Acceptance is important. I know my husband gives importance his parents and sister when it comes to a decision making. He never used to take me out in India in weekends much. I have to BEG TO TAKE ME OUT EVEN NEARBY .BUT when my sis in law comes for few days , he will be more than happy to take all of us out. His parents,his sister and my husband would be all talking to each other having good time at home as well as in SUV while travelling , but no one talks to me.I would end up doing chores for all at home , even in outing, carrying luggages(sometimes many luggage one by one) for my sis in law and her kids . as no one talks I USED TO FEEL LOW AND MISS MY PARENTS. AFTER MARRIAGE DUE TO INLAWS PRESSURE , I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GO MUCH TO MY PARENTS HOME AND I TOO HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL(TEACHING JOB REALLY GAVE ME LITTLE PEACE ). When we go for shopping , my husband does not buy for me much or allows me to buy anything(he always does not spend much), he is very calculator. But when my in-laws ask me why I did not buy I would just smile. I too would want to buy at least some not expensive things. I feel after coming to USA , MY HUSBAND BUYS LITTLE STUFF FOR ME IF I ASK.

 

The 1st scenario reminded me of this funny scene from a Mallu movie "Midhunam" where a frustrated wife coaxes her husband into taking her on a honeymoon finally to get a break from her crowded marital home.. only for the entire clan to tag along with them much to her horror

(watch from around the 3 min mark)

 

Thoughts get provoked a lot. For example, I saw the thread title: Night At Mid-afternoon
And my thoughts were provoked. Thoughts may go the wrong way on a one-way street, and yet cause no accident. I smiled at the image of what people might get up to if they had an hour long night in mid afternoon. And then I desisted the urge to mention it in a post. Matter over mind!

 

Everything mentioned above in your OP have actually happened with us.
1. We did not go for a honeymoon immediately after our marriage, as we had some official commitments back then. It was a long distance relationship for the first 2 years.
Hubby planned a surprise honey-moon around my first birthday after marriage. He would hint about this during our TP conversations, so I was so excited about it.
On the day of our trip, my FOO came (mom, bro, sis and a little cousin) with their huge traveling bag. I was shocked, but later hubby said that they are joining.
I had mixed feelings, but accepted it.
As we were on the way, MIL & FIL joined, and then we picked up BIL and his best friend.
At the airport, hubbies friends too joined us.
We, almost 15 people went to Malaysia for our honeymoon!!!
After that trip, I have strictly told my H to ask me before he plans any surprises!!!

2. In my case, it was reverse.
He bought a saree to me for our first anniversary, which he thought was beautiful. Selection was done by him.
Then he bought another saree for MIL. This was selected by his female colleagues.
He bought all of them to me, and showed it happily.
I was mad by seeing both the sarees, as my one was very much old fashioned, but MIL's was very trendy.
I couldn't accept this at all.
I bluntly criticized his choice and preferred MIL's one. So, he had to give up, and buy another for MIL.
But today, I cherish the saree of my H's choice more than any other dress i have.

3. Several times it happened. Many times I ended up going with mom or sister or friend. Sometimes alone. But never once I gave up my movie time because of his unavailability.

4. My man did that all the time when we were living in different cities/countries.
It has created a lot of misunderstanding and problems. But now that he is caught red-handed.
Both myself and MIL knows it, so we handle our problems directly. It is easy.

5. No trips, but some visits to temple, relatives places, restaurants with them on anniversary days during the initial times. I hated them as PILs were very boring people.
But now a days, I really like their company, as they take good care of the kids and this helps a lot for me to freely enjoy the trips.