Those who have had arranged marriage… i need your opinion.

lovinglibra · Mar 26, 2014

Hi guys,
I have a friend and she's been talking to this guy for a while like 4-5 months. Basically both the bride and the grooms side agreed for the marriage and their weeding dates are fixed. The problem that my friend has is that this guy doesn't talk a lot, spends like 15 mins talking when he commutes to and fro from work, doesn't text too, doesn't call when he's off work. Now that they have like 2 months for the wedding, she is worried as there is no romance or anything between them, like holding hands or flirty texts. I don't know if this is normal in arranged marriages or if the guy is shy and needs more time. ( but i thought 4-5 months before weeding is actually adequate time to get to know a person ).I feel like the guy should be more interested in getting to know the girl before marriage esp. when u are new, but this guy seems to be very avoiding, and seems to have trouble making time for the girl.

I know many of you guys had arranged marriages , so Im asking your opinion based on your experience. Other than that the guy is a nice person.

Thankyou!!

pinkRoseBud · Mar 26, 2014

Some guys may not be doing all that, but the question is does your friend feel that the guys love her? at least care for her? does she feel secure when she is with him?
Girls have this intuition about the right partner. Now it really boils down to what your friend FEELS when she is with him or talking to him.

anmolhai · Mar 26, 2014

Is he avoiding her or just being quite?? there is a difference. Also how old is the guy & girl.

lovinglibra · Mar 26, 2014

the guy is 33 and the girl is 28. from what i understand the guy is generally a quiet person doesn't talk a lot. he doesn't call a lot or show to the girl anything that tells that he is interested or likes her other than agreeing to marry her. so my friend is wondering if the guy is gay or has some other kind of problem. so was wondering if this is typically expected in arranged marriages even with like 4-5 months of courting.my friend feels uncomfortable when they meet because the guy is typically quiet and doesn't talk a lot. they have nothing to talk and she feels like she has initiate everything like calling , texting and meeting. since there is not much effort from the guy she feels like maybe the guy is not that interested and maybe he's just getting married for the sake of it. the guy has not had any relationship before , so i thought then he should be excited and all the more interested in the girl or is it just us girls that get all hyper. Its hard to tell , hence posting it here for your take on it.

bhucat · Mar 26, 2014

It is quite common with some men.

Nothing to get worry too much, it his nature and no harm in that.

mithu202 · Mar 26, 2014

Ask your friend to have talk with him, so that she can come to a conclusion If he is really not interested or if he is reserved type. I have seen one lady always complaining that her husband is not romantic and doesn't know to express his love. This type of character is too bad and it may lead to many problems post marriage.

yellowmango · Mar 26, 2014

I think she should ask him if he is interested in her and the marriage.I can understand a person being shy or reserved but for a person to not make any move to talk ,text or meet is definitely not normal. If this is his basic nature and she is not happy...then I seriously doubt she will be. Why marry someone who doesn't seem keen about you at all? Everyone deserves better.

indoc · Mar 26, 2014

Wow.. her fiancee is not talking much on phone and your friend is thinking him as gay !!! Some men are shy or perhaps your friend talks about boring topics.. It takes tow to tango..

vini31 · Mar 26, 2014

It is important for your friend to find out more abt the guy, it is certainly not normal for the guy to be aloof when he is getting married, find out more abt his family etc ....... ppl dont change post marriage n all so she needs to be really clear of the expectations

Quebec · Mar 26, 2014

Well its is normal.........

See the thing is sometimes men dont wanna make a move to jeopardise a relation.......
Arranged marriage is complex as it is.........

And sometimes guys feel that they dont have full (haq - forgetting the english)
to sak something romatic till it is cemented by marriage....

It comes from the fact that maybe they have seen an relation breaking at the last minute and thus until its cemented dont wanna invest so much in the relation.........

It comes from the allout or nothing kinda guys...........

But that is just my opinion......

So better ask the guy face to face to get a clearer picture........

Best of luck...... Hopefully it all works out fine and next time you post about your friend is when she asks that how to get space in the relation as her DH wants to do all things together...........

God bless........

Take care
Chow