I was living in India for 25 years. I had few complaints here and there, but never thought of escaping for onething I didn't know what it was like outside India. 2006 Dec we got chance to go to USA, since then I feel like we are nomads. If I would have never set foot out of India, I would have set proper life for me in my home country and accepted it. But now, I am not contented wherever I am. I keep comparing the 2 lives! First time to USA Plus Points: - Very cool job; Never have to think about work after 5PM or during weekends/holidays. - Luxurious lifestyle - Plenty of 'Us' time - Definitely a place for having extra activities and hobbies - No interference from nosy relatives/neighbors Negatives: - Homesick; Missing parents, brother; Tired of seeing loved ones inside a 15 inch screen. - No friends. Had to go out of the way to even have proper communication with a desi; - Always felt out of place wherever I go. - Horrible cold weather - Due to work had to transfer to various locations in short time; tired of buying 2nd hand things and selling them; - Mind numbing loneliness - Envying friends/relatives who are living in India, have proper home for themselves, celebrate occasions with family. - Never felt beautiful in western clothes. - Sick of having Facebook as the only form of Social communication. Return to India Finally when DH's project completed we decided to move to India. I felt like I have been in school for a long day and finally running to home for evening. I quit my work well before a month, happily planned to sell all our stuff, got rid of the things, purchased some items for our loved ones and flew away during a peak winter without even the slightest regret of leaving a luxurious life behind. Plus Points: - Euphoria of being in home again - Going back to our loved ones - Very good friends Negatives: - Had to purchase all the home goods again. By then its was setting home for 6th time in 2 years. - Tough job; Had to be stuck in office for 14 hours in average; Had to work most of the weekends/holidays - No 'Us' time - we hardly had time to talk - Still didnt get time to be with parents, brother[who are in different city] because of work! - Job took all our time, so no time for recreation or hobbies or attending functions - Nosy relatives/neighbors - Tough travelling - Inflation - Constant comparison of both the lives! Western life felt much better! So finally we did everything all over again! Now I am sitting in UK feeling the same negatives which I felt once. Its been 2.5 years now [and 4 more times setting home], still I am not attached with this life. The basic thing I yearn for is to live in a place where I feel belonged, and set a home for ourselves where we don't feel 'its just temporary, we have to be ready to move anytime'. Now I am longing to go back to India. But I am scared. What if I feel the same like the first time R2I? I just don't have the energy for another move. I repeat, I really wish I never set my foot outside India! The sight of those 4 big suitcases making me nauseous - though those are one of the very few possessions we enjoy!
ILT, I know how living out of suitcases really feels, having lived that way. you know after a few moves, i resolved myself saying I will not try to form any roots to any place, until i can feel it is the place..and i have stayed that way for 10 years. there was a period when i bought everything i would like to make my place a home, only to uproot and pack and leave it in loft at the il's place..that way until last year i had boxes that were called this is the dinner set from place x, the books from place y.. My DD has seen around 8 schools in her 14 years of schooling while my son has seen 6 in his 10 years of schooling.. i am sure you will get that place..only thing the timing needs to be right. this time take your time, get yourself more equipped and i am sure you will know it when it is the right place/right time.. all the best for facing those suitcases until then...
ILT, Ask me about living out of suitcases.. As a kid too, I have moved around a lot, reading in different school, but those days, I did not have the responsibility as such. I realise children easily adapt to a newer location and environment than elders. We seem to look for developing roots and those stuffs as we age. After marriage too, I find myself roaming around. Recently when we completed 3 years in this house here, we realised that it was the longest stay in the same house for us :-D. Maybe anytime we could move out of the place. But when me and DH first stepped out of India, we had planned that wherever we decide to go, it should be such a place that it takes no more than 4-5 hrs by air to India. So, we limited our options. Fortunately we both have been able to make a trip twice(sometimes more) in a year..one of a month duration and another short . But I know, after a certain stage or age, we will stick to one place and make it ours. I am sure, it will be the same with you. Until then lets take this phase as something to roll around, learn and explore :hiya. All the best.
ILT, hope you will not mistake what I write here! I am sure you have heard this quote "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans - John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy" English singer & songwriter (1940 - 1980). I was reminded of this as I read through what you have written! And then your title drew me three times, started typing chaniging my mind every time and finally feel I should write what I feel. Four suitcases is how most of us started off didn't we? Interesting!! As a child that is how we grew up - moving frequently if not as frequently as you are and like Saras mentions since the responsibility was on parents did not worry much about it. As an adult, had the pleasure of staying in a couple of countries for a couple of months or 6 months each and was so ready to settle down in a place. Some of the things that have helped me cope is not look for what is missing but to look for how I can make the best of what I have and many a times in this kind of life style it is mostly memories! I am sure you are filling up your life with these - try to make them positive and beautiful with respect to place and people. This does not lessen the urge you feel - it is understandable but all I am trying is to ask you not to be analytical :hide: Hope you understand. I don't know your sitaution, sometimes making tough calls on job because of a place you like or the company you like or sometimes kids coming into the marriage are all instrumental in setting up home. You have to get out of that mind set that it is temporary and yet when you set up a place, you should feel detached to all your posessions. Very often I find myself looking around the stuff I have and analyzing my belongingness with my surroundings and guess what, it has always been people and the support system - yes even in this American neighborhood. Now that my own kids are growing up and their friends are branching out, I am learning to let go and look at the whole situation with a new equation. So like others have said, things will eventually fall in place - just be aware and be receptive. Like you have metioned shifting to India didnot make things as easy and now moving back hasn't made it easy as well. So it simply boils down to how you look! Remember "home is where your heart is" nudge at your heart and seek your answers. As you hear them, carve out the place (India or UK or USA or anywhere else), set up your home there and grow your nest! Best wishes - Don't feel so restless. It will all work out!.
This one big move recently after 14 years is more than enough for me !! Ok, now I have dumped not just the 4 + n suitcases but also the cartons........just hoping and praying that all ends well now !! Lovely writeup and enjoyed reading the sensible details that you have highlighted here !!
Dear Ladies, kiss for your replies. First of all , I didnt expect any replies for this post. But then I was dreading the judgemental replies like 'You shouldn't have gone' like that. But you all are very understanding and supportive. Your comments did put my mind at ease. Thank you very much:bowdown. You are the best.
Dear Shanvy, If its hard for me, I can't imagine how hard it would be for kids. Changing schools, making new friends, adapting to new environment! Your resolution "Not trying to form roots to any place" - is what my husband is saying too. He says we still have time to find that place where we finally want to settle forever. Till then just enjoy the new environment. Of course he is used to this roaming life as he is doing for 15 years now. May be I will too after some days. But the thought itself is hard. Thank you for such understanding words dear Shanthi! ILT
Dear Saras, Yes, the attachment on home, and materialistic things were gone now as we keep moving. Oh god, how much things we wasted. Visiting India 2/3 times a year is good idea. May be I should try that too, to feel less homesick. Good that you are near by India. We stayed in Chennai for 13 months - that's the longest stay! Shortest is 28 days!! :-( Reading various posts in the forum giving me good ideas. We should discuss plenty of things before deciding anything. Thanks a lot for your comments dear. ILT
ILT Nice + and - points. You can add about the traffic and pollution too. Within a year i have moved to 3 states. Packing and unpacking is the worst thing i had in my experience .Searching for an apartment moving our goods etc... Happiest part is new place,new friends etc...
Tulip, nice one and my thought is reflecting on yr write-up or every NRI's reflections?? Our next generation, dont worry as they are fine with the existing country. It is only us, who gets stuck(THRISANGU SORGAM). Sadly, dont have one proper hometown and will be roaming like a nadodi in tamil. Whenever I talk to any of the local people here, they are all surrounded with their families incl. inlaws. Even for some Indians those who are in the second generation does not have any problem. FYI, even in fb, people tend to get busy and have to ask their permission to chat, sadly and put themselves in OFFLINE mode incl me!! Forgot to add, my father would always says during my schooling days-if you are at school, dont think abt parents and when you are at home, dont think abt teachers, friends etc...I am recollecting those statements here..
