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Thinking About Adoption. Advice Needed.

Discussion in 'Adoption' started by Shreema86, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    thank you all for your replies..well husband wants to keep up facade of a good marriage , so he will go to any lengths for it.. he is emotionally detached but he likes to make someone his cause and shower all attention on that person. he will definitely do a decent job, I am not worried about that. @kavya007 thanks for your advice.i live in Middle East, planning to adopt from India. I have read about RAD (reactive attachment disorder ) and also fas (fetal alcohol syndrome ), if there is anything holding me back , its this, handling a child with severe emotional difficulties.


    @Sandycandy thank you for your wishes! financially will be difficult if I do this alone.. but few years down the line , I can see myself earning better.

    @pinky2cute thank you dear. well right now I am confident I can manage if needed all by myself, but I really don't know realities of parenting. I have seen too many so called good people make a mess of it.

    @GeetaKashyap thank you for your advice and wishes .

    @salad fostering isn't an option for me. no testing the waters here . you are right , a persons mental well being directly affects kids . I don't know if I am ready for this with all the baggage I have,

    @MalStrom hes not against , but doesn't care much for it either , but he will be ok with time.

    @nandinimithun thank you! @nakshatra1 yes, I agree with you.

    once again thank you all, I need t do some thinking wish you all a happy year.
     
  2. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    I am sorry , I might be understanding this wrong . But looks like you are looking to adpot to get over your loneliness and so you have a pet project ??
    And no , adopted or not please don’t bring a child into a dysfunctional marriage
     
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  3. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    So what if someone wants to adopt to get over loneliness ?? It’s quite demeaning to label it as a “pet project”. Is there anything wrong in wanting to reach out to a child and bonding with the child ? OP explained her situation and her desire to adopt. At a certain age many women and men do have a desire to procreate or bond with children. This is part of human life. Not everyone who wants to have a child do so out of loneliness. There is no need to put her down in this way.
     
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  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP,

    A kid should learn the language of love, sharing, caring, respect etc from parents. If it is not there, it will be damaging to the kid.

    Of course you can provide shelter, food etc.. but.. bringing a kid to a dysfunctional marriage is not a good idea.

    It is unfair to the kid. She deserves a happy home and a happy family.

    May be the kid get a better home with a single happy parent than with unhappy parents in a fake marriage.

    Please think about all aspects (also in kids shoes) before proceeding with adoption.

    Good luck
     
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  5. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Stating something very obvious, you have kids or adopt kids out of love not out of loneliness !
    No , the only thing demeaning is to think that some child deserves to be bought into a unhappy life .
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
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  6. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Wow..your bluntness shows your immaturity. OP did not ask about having EMA but only about adoption. Unfortunately not everyone has everything going on perfectly for them in life. Does that mean we should not reach out to help and connect with a little child who if not for adoption will be relegated to a wasteful life ?? Can you not see the good intention behind OPs post then just trash it as a “pet project” ??


    Yes, we should not bring a child into a dysfunctional marriage. Agreed they need happy homes. But there are lot of single ladies who have successfully adopted children. It does fill a void in their life and make them feel more purposeful. It is also possible to volunteer for foster kids or take steps to correct the dysfunctional home life. I am in similar boat and I am taking both the steps. I have a biological child of my own but still I feel the need to connect with another child. I did this by volunteering for a foster kid. You cannot wait for perfect situation and perfect opportunity to help a child. It is way more satisfying to make best of the situation and do something positive for a child born in unfortunate circumstances.
     
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  7. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Kavya , I am not really sure what the correlation between EMA and adoption is .
    I am all for single ladies and gentlemen adopting , more power to them providing loving homes .
    There is difference between adopting and providing foster care.
    How awesome of you to volunteer , very inspiring!!
     
  8. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    If someone is just looking to escape loneliness in a dysfunctional marriage then the easiest thing to do is to have a EMA and not desire adoption. Desire to adopt or have a child stems from other emotional needs and labeling it as “pet project” is what I really took offense at. Why put down OP’s good intention with such a judgmental bluntness ?
     
  9. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmm .. EMA is wrong , but that doesn’t make bringing a child relegated to wasted life into a dysfunctional relationship any better . Reminds me of Sridevi’s “galat aur bahut Galat” for some reason .
    OP , sorry taking away from you thread .your are best judge of where you stand , I really hope I am wrong and you have the best of intentions . Wishes and god bless
     
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  10. friendabc

    friendabc Silver IL'ite

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    dear ...even if she is adopting for "getting over loneliness" ..it is still better than for the main reason many (if not most) people give birth ....and that reason is --- BUDHAPE KA SAHARA / SUPPORT IN OLD AGE .
    logically shrima86's reason is as good (or as bad) as others's reason to have kids. i think ull agree ...:relaxed:
     

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