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Things you wished your inlaws would know......

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ennaye, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, that has been my impression of the original post here too - sarcastically writing something that will invite certain type of responses, and then much later saying, "Oops, I wasn't really serious" or something equally lame as in "Those are not my thoughts, just gathered from DILs here and elsewhere". If so, OP should state that clearly in the OP.


    And who think the simple common sense ideas in the first post are "superfluous".

    Ennaye, "Frankly , the above pts are not entirely my views." being mentioned in the first post itself would have been a courtesy, instead of baiting regular posters with a reasonable sounding first post with "views", and then later saying "not my views" and "pts are superfluous".

    Rihana
     
  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I see one solution for this battle,

    We should adopt western culture where if some problem in family or where women don't get respect just walk out of marriage. Then we don't have to go MIL battle anymore and everyone acts properly in his or her limits.
    What women have to do, all the women should start working and be financially independent.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2009
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That is "generalizaing" western culture. Contrary to popular opinion, people or women in western culture don't just walk out of marriage. Attempts are made to solve the problem by seeing counselors or talking things out between husband and wife. Difference is that in general, in-laws interfere less in day to day matters. There is no expectation of the DIL that she will respect in-laws more than the usual respect accorded to some one's parents. It is not expected that she has "married the whole family". It is accepted that after marriage, the man and woman start, have and maintain their own family.

    Here, we are talking about MIL-DIL differences, and divorces don't happen in the west because of that. Yes, marriages in India, do come close to divorce due to in-laws (on both sides) interference.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Things you wished your inlaws would know:


    Do not try to break your DIL's marriage by telling things to her which you prominently covered up before marriage.Dont forget that you too have a daughter.There is a superpower watching our actions.

    suji
     
  5. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Amen to that. But this is all the more reason to be suspicious when someone known to bait posters puts up what seems to be a "reasonable" post, because it is a given that something completely different will shortly follow!!!
     
  6. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks ennaye for your post. The title of the post is "Things you wished your inlaws would know ....", let us extend the topic to include what a mil wished her dil would know ......

    I don't want to hijack your post, so will contribute my views only after you add your views.
     
  7. ennaye

    ennaye Silver IL'ite

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    100% right. No MIL or FIL or SIL should do anything of the sort.

    Here I think you have probably had a bad experience and that has prompted you to add this remark.

    You are right. Parents should be catalyst for their children's happy life.
     
  8. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    This is exactly what i felt when ennaye said that she felt the points are superfluous. At that point, I felt why even continue such a discussion.
    If ennaye who initiated the thread with a draft list of 'Things to improve DIL-MIL relationship' herself feels that the things in her own list doesnt make sense, then what is the point in gathering other's opinions?

    Ennaye, I am not trying to read thru lines and I am not trying to contradict your point, but when you use the term 'Super MIL' i get a feeling that you feel the initial list which you yourself compiled is do-able only by a 'Super MIL'.

    If that is true, then it doesnt make any sense because in real world, there are no 'Super MILs'.In that case, it would be better if we try to put together a list that is realistic and can be followed by a normal & real MIL.

    Like the saying - We can only take a horse to water, cant make it drink'.
    What you said is very true. We can only try to do the best from our sideto improve relationships. I personally feel that it makes a lot of difference if both parties in a relationship gives it a genuine try to make it work. However,inspite of all the efforts a MIL makes, if a DIL still finds faults, then there is no option but to 'just leave it' and stop trying hard to keep everyone happy.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2009
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  9. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    It is not at all true that women in western culture dont try to make relationships work and just 'walk out' if they have some problem in the marriage.

    Again, even if we assume that is the case, what is the percentage of Indian women have had absolutely no problems in marriage or with in-laws??
    From what I have seen,atleast 50% of women have some problem or the other. So, just walking out anytime there is a problem in marriage doesnt help. Also, what guarantee do we have that the second marriage would be problem free.


    Having a job and being financially independant definitely a better option than being a dependant. In case you have to walk out of the marriage, it is very important to have a job. But, can that help in avoiding problems in marriage or solving problems??
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2009
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I just put it in casual manner. But overall what I meat is, if the MIL(whoever takes advantage of DIL) knows that coming DIL would be stronger even before the SON get married then she wouldn’t dare to abuse the new comer. So the problem get’s solved even before it starts. Even I feel lot of men abuse women because they feel women is weaker and women can’t do anything. If the women can react when they get abused then men will think lot even before do it.
     
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