Things Falling Apart.....

Have you and your spouse had a clear cut conversation regarding his seeking a divorce? or have you concluded that he wants one after reading his emails? Kindly clear this confusion first.

 

so,it was just your conclusion then. Please don't jump to conclusions.Many a times in many marriages,either side gets upset and thinks about getting separated.I am sure your H is also going through such a period.But things are easier thought than done.Your husband might be frustrated and might have googled those links but it doesn't mean he is out on his way filing for divorce right now. You guys are a family and he must be thinking of other factors too . He wouldn't want to separate and put your girls in a tight situation. If you know your behavior is wrong at times (reasons known to you) ,you can work on it .Marriage isn't an easy institution to break up. So,things might not be as bad as you think they are.You can give your husband some love and care and meanwhile ,work on your own issues. Everything will fall back into its right place.All the best.

 

Right now, your depression is hurting you and your husband. It is not easy to deal with and I am sure your husband is also going through a tough time.

Please Don't jump to conclusions, even if you feel overly emotional. And when you don't know for sure and you haven't discussed a course of action with your husband, do not tell your children anything about the unrest. Surely, they can sense the issues, but you don't want to unnecessarily worry them about their parents and their own living situation.

 

Depression makes things seem worse than they are. Please make your health a priority first and take care of this to the best extent possible. Getting a divorce would be complicated for your husband with child support , custody and everything else. So I am sure this is not something he will want to initiate even if he has thought about it.

But you must also realize that marriage is complicated as it is and becomes more complicated when a spouse is depressed. So have a talk with him and try to work your issues out. Most likely management of your depression will take care of most of the issues .
Don’t talk to your kids until you have clarified with the spouse .
I wish you the best!

 

Sticking purely to your topic / question..

First of all a divorce doesn't have to be a storm or a volcano burst. Yes, I have seen very cordial / mutual divorces. N they maintain good friendship even after, as they have kids together. Preferably a joint custody n worked out financials n the kids taking turns staying at each other's houses.

So you explain the need to live separately, that you are still friends n they will still have their mom n dad, but they are lucky enough to have two houses, two festivals, two parties, double of everything, etc etc.. something like that..

Guess it's also a positive thing that the sisters love each other so much n doesn't depend on you guys for much.

It's better for the kids to have two separated happy parents rather than with two bitter individuals stuck together with so much of negativity. N that spoils their childhood n growing years.

Off topic,

Every couple fights n make up. It's normal. You are the best judge to evaluate your real relationship. If this is just one of those regular fights, let it go n move on. Or talk to him n clear out.

If all this seems out of proportion due to your depression, fix it. If the roles were reversed n your husband tortures you due to his depression, you are not gona be taking it quietly right ?

Both the spouses have their roles to play in a marriage. N if this marriage means something to you, do everything to fix your mental / physical health n get back on the horse as an equal partner to him.

We can't really blame one spouse for wanting to leave a marriage if his / her married life is turning into hell, many members here give that itself as an advise. So if you know / realized something is wrong n want to fix it, own it n fix it. It's your life after all.

 

I do not know what the whole situation is but if its just small misunderstandings and solvable problems,I urge you to take time and think again before you jump into a decision like divorce. Marriage is not a bed of roses always. Things happen, we get angry , upset, shout. That is part of life. But the best thing is to try to talk and sort out things with each other calmly. If talking makes you angrier, write on a piece of paper. Don't shout, just talk calmly ,patiently, giving each other time to express feelings. Try to think of the happier times you had and try to work for that. Give your life and marriage a RESET button and start from beginning. If that doesn't work, either try going for marriage counselling, or take help of your friends to be a buffer between you both when you talk to each other. When all possible ways to reconcile are exhausted, only and only then should you proceed with the thought of Divorce because its not only going to be hard on the kids, its also going to be hard on you both.

 

Have you considered counseling? Because you are aware of the core issue - your depression it may help you. Divorce esp when involving kids can be extremely complicated.
You have listed all the positives of your H and compared to so many ILs husbands that is pretty amazing. And one more thing you are sure of is that you guys love each other! Try having a heart to heart to talk about everything . I try to write my feelings and it helps me vent even before I talk regarding an issue because it just calms down my frustration/anger.
All the issues you have listed regarding yourself are all cz of depression. Don’t take any life changing descisions with this state of mind. Hope things get better.....