The Year That Was

(Not-so-statutory warning. The first four paras contain explicit material regarding a naughty three letter word that begins with S and ends with X. If you are infected by the Sanskari epidemic you may omit them)


2017 was a great year for India, a year marked by the country striking a new path in several areas, particularly in new scientific discoveries. Let us take zoology. A new discovery revolutionized the science of studying fauna. That is;PEACOCKS DON’T HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!


The great zoological discovery is credited to a brilliant scientist, who redeemed years wasted as a judge of some high court or other with this brilliant find.Hats off to Mr.Justice Mahesh Chandra Sharma, formerly of Rajasthan high court who discovered peacocks may eat peas but have little or nothing to dso with the four letter suffix that follows PEA . Peahens drink peacock’s tears and get impregnated, announced the brilliant Mr.Sharma.


Just when you thught that he deserves a major science award you found that he had serious competition i when it came to scientific achievements of the year. Dr.Zakir Naik who can nevr bear the achievements of a member of the majority community, nearly beat Mr.Sharma in his own game. The good doctor announced that erect penises look upwards because the PYTs in heaven are lusting for them. So if yours doesn’t stand up to deliver, the heavenly damsels are telling you to go and fly a kite.


The two great scientists faced further competition when an Iranian cleric announced that if a woman was thinking of another man while having conjugal relationship with DH her kids are bound to be gay. But that good cleric being a foreigner is out of reckoning. Mr.Sharma and Dr.Naik share the contribution to science award.



What the hell!!!!!!E Hello! Moral police! Where are you? Everybody is talking sex! Don’t you think a lynching is in order?


Before the moral cops come calling let us move away to safer areas. Let us look at other fields like fighting the evil of casteism and communalism. Congress Party flaunted Rahul Gandhi as a Janyudhari Brahmin” or a brahmin wearing the so-called sacred thread and Kapil Sibal said Modi was a non-Hindu. Cong gets the award for fighting casteism and Sibal an award for promoting secularism.


Now let us move on to sports. O.Paneerselvam, former CM and present deputy chief minister of Tamil Nadu gets a prize for gymnastics with his exciting somersaults. One day he declares the state govt headed by E.Palanisamy as corrupt and threatens to launch a movement against it. Barely three days lapse he joins the government.


What can we say about his boss the great EPS himself? He gets an award for his contribution to mathematics with his revolutionary theory 11 is greater than 18.HE CHUCKS OUT 18 LEGISLATORS WHO VOTED TO SAVE HIS GOVERNMENRT IN THE STATE ASSEMBLY AND TAKES IN THE 11 WHO VOTED AGAINST HIM.


TTV Dinakaran gets the award for his contribution to the country’s economy. By boosting online business of several firms like Amazon and Paytm. What if you can’t directly bribe your voters during RK Nagar polls? Paytm karo! Anfd pay them in kind with expensive gifts from online retailers.


The bhakt of the year award, of course goes to Paresh Rawal. The actor and BJP MP Declared PM Narendra Modi was like Buddha. Rumours are foot that he is about to set up a new creed called NaMoism baed on four noble untruths 1) Demonetisation brought in lot of black money 2) GST will boost the economy 3) We are all of bovine origin 4)Lynching of a few members of a particular community gives a booster shot to national integration.


Of coure the Baba Ramdev Award for contortionist of the year goes to the one and only Mani Shankar Iyer. What better act of contortion than putting one’s foot in the mouth? Putting both the feet in the mouth, of course. Our dear Mani achieved this near impossible feat with his “neech” comment about NaMobhai. I salute the largeheartedness of the government that did not arrest Mani under the Official Secrets Act for leaking out confidential information on the PM. Instead he Milked Mani’s remark fully to play the victim during the Gujarat polls and garner more than few votes. If Modi didn’t send a “Thank You” note to Mani he is guilty of ingratitude.


And for the greatest contribution to theatre this year who deserves the award more than our deae NaMobhai ? Every election meeting addressed by him during Gujarat polls was a brilliant piece of theatre.He even spun an exciting spy story worthy of Ian Fleming about “secret meetings” between his predecessor Manmohan Singh and former vice president Hamidur Rehman Ansari and Pakistani officials and hinted that Pak was trying to manipulate Gujarat polls.



When Congress party demanded am apology finance minister Arun Jaitley sprang to PM’s defence that the he did not mean to suspect MMS’ or Ansaris’ patriotism. Of course NaMobhai never means what he says like Rs !5 lakhs in every citizen’s bank account within 100 days of coming to power, One Rank One Pension(OROP) for the armed forces, development and what not.



And how can we leave out our dear Rahul Gandhi? He gets his contribution to Yoga for the invention of a new asana, the ardha sirasasana or the half headstand pose. After losing the Gujarat assembly polls, he tried to do a headstand to view defeat as moral victory but as it turned out to be a victory of sorts reducing BJP to double digits, it turned out to be a half headstand.


(After this I suppose I deserve the award for being the bore of the year, I suppose).