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The "why Me" Question

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Aarushi, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    I wrote the following about 3 years back when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3.

    How did I find out? I was training for a half marathon when I started getting chest pains. The pains were dagger like and would come and go. Luckily I went to the doctor. She took one look and immediately send me for an ultrasound and then a biopsy. Within a week I went from being fit and healthy for all outward appearance to being diagnosed with cancer.

    The next few weeks were a blur - but one question that popped up frequently was why did this have to happen to you? In the quiet of one of those nights, I wrote down my thoughts and here they are. I thought it might be relevant to others because I see the question asked by so many in the different forums. To me writing through all the tough times has been very therapeutic and I encourage others to do so too. Even if it is just an email sent to yourself.

    February 22,2014
    I have been asked this several times over the past 2 weeks – about why it had to happen to me, what was God thinking, why do bad things happen to decent people…this morning while conversing with someone, this topic was again brought up. Every time I go to the hospital, at least one nurse mentions this to me. I guess it is indicative of how a lot of patients and people approach this. It is a good question and a perceptive one and tells me that the other person cares for me and is upset over why such a terrible disease has touched me.

    Since I had never thought of this before, I am starting from a pretty blank slate. So instead of why me, I am seriously of the opinion why not me? I have had a lot of luck so far in my life and have been beating the odds…in a country where a large population is poor and cannot afford education or healthcare, I got lucky in being born in the family I did. I got a lot of breaks in my life that just happened because of random circumstances, not because I did something great to deserve them. I have 2 lovely healthy kids that God magically decided to make me their mom. I have never done anything to deserve them.

    When there was a chance that my younger daughter might be born with Edwards Syndrome, the nightmare I lived through the next couple of months – that was something I never would want to go through again. I asked God to take away all the good karma I had ever done and save my baby in return…and he did. God helped me when I needed him the most and that is something I will never, ever forget.

    Now if the probability of cancer happening to women at my age is 200 in 100,000 (as I read somewhere), then it has to happen to some random 200 people in the population. And so, finally after a long time, I have not been able to beat the odds..and it is ok with me…absolutely ok. After a week of shock, I have accepted it and am fine with it. Yes, I go through sadness, tears, fatalistic attitude sometimes (not all the time but for a very, very short sometime..:)), but all these I think are fine because it helps me overall to get the stress out of my system. In fact I also have a positive spin on it to make me feel better… If I am one of those 200, then at least one random woman somewhere is safe because the disease decided to hit me and not her…cool logic, right.. Besides, what is good or bad but our own perception.

    ok, here’s a lovely story about Arthur Ashe in a similar vein-

    Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he recieved during a heart surgery in 1983.

    From the world over, he recieved letters from his fan, one of them conveyed: “Why does God have to select you for such a bad disease?”.

    To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over–50,000,000 children start playing tennis, 5,000,000 learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn profesional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach the Wimbledon, 4 to semi finals, 2 to finals. When I was the one holding the cup, I never asked god “Why me?”.

    And today in pain, I should not be asking GOD “why me?”.
     
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  2. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    @Aarushi,
    Dear Aarushi,
    Normally it is human tendency to ask this question, "why me" when some misfortune or grave disease occurs to a person. It takes time to digest the reality and take measure to fight against it. Brave people give a fight whereas the mentally weak persons give up.
    You are great!
    PS
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Arushi, I did not read your previous post. I really love your answer to the question 'why me'? The question really pops up because (apart from our theory of karma) we see big problems as something that affect others. No, we cannot be part of it. It can't happen to us. We need to think rationally, to realise that we are just part of a statistic. Which statistic we form a part of is just a matter of chance. The question 'why me' seems to reflect an attitude of privilege - it is alright if it happens to others, but not to me.

    Hope you are perfectly fine now and all this is a thing of the past.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aarushi,

    That attitude requires a lot of grit. Most spiritual teachings say that we need to learn to treat both pleasure and pain the same way. No excessive celebration and no excessive cribbing. But emotions get the most of us in situations that are difficult for us to handle. In my view, if I have to evaluate the two negative qualities fear and anger, I would consider fear as the most vulnerable quality. FDR said in his first inaugural address, "Only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Anger is associated with the desires and fear is associated with attachments. It is not easy but possible to let go the desires but attachments are a different ball game and it takes a lot of courage to detach ourselves. The faith or feeling that everyone of us are created for a reason and will be supported for the pain we have to endure gives courage to handle it.

    Unfortunately, the conscious mind produces fear as reaction to sympathize with the pain we undergo instead of giving courage to handle it. Root cause of most problems in life is fear and fear can defeat us more than any dreaded disease. We don't control most of what happens in our life other than our own attitude towards life. Why fear something that is not in our control? Strength creates opportunity and weakness creates threat.

    Life itself is a gift and we should make best out of it.

    Viswa
     
  5. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Aarushi,

    I am someone who echoes your thoughts.
    I have been through so much in life at an age of 18. Many of the ILites know my story.
    We all take so many things for granted - that we find it strange to acknowledge that we are being "gifted" with those things that we take for granted.
    We never ask "why me" when we are doing well - in health, in career, in relationships.
    We should not ask "why me" when things turn otherwise.

    As a believer in God, I would like to say that God chose you to glorify his name.
    Have a bright and blessed life ahead, Aarushi.
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    ' Why not me?' in the place of'why me?'A great idea to think but very difficult to implement.Once we handle certain critical situations in life, it becomes somewhat easier, as expectations get reduced to nil.
    Jayasala 42
     
  7. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    So true!!
     
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  8. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Aarushi

    Reading your above post, I am not able to control getting emotional. Re-reading it that you wrote with such wisdom and positive attitude during those tough times, makes me feel even weak. Hugs to you!

    I recently went thro' (& still going thro') some tough times with my Father's health. Everything changed for him upside down in 1-day. Since then not a single day is passing for me without asking 'why my Father?'. Having grown up seeing how pious he was, I am not able to bring my Faith together. Started believing Fate is stronger!

    May be a few like you who go thro' life threatening situations for self, would get that maturity and start counting everything as a blessing. When they see their near and dear ones going thro', not sure how one would be able come to terms with it. Atleast I'm not able to yet. May be over a period of time.
     
  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    God bless you dear. Reminds me of Harivanshrai Bacchan's line
    Jeevan hai to sangharsh hai
    Jeevan nahi to sangharsh nahi

    There is stuggle until there is life and when there is no life there is no struggle.

    Every person in this world has some struggle or the other and every person at some point or the other asks the question "why me?" And no one in this world can understand another person's feeling behind "why me?" no matter how hard they try.
     
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  10. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Again a touching post from you and this post is also nominated. I think we all one time or other ask this question when we are in pain or go through a tough situation. I have also asked when I had problems but when we surrender ourselves to God and hold his padam tight He reduces some pain and some trouble. I had hip bone fracture in 1991 and the Doctor laid me down for two months. Those two months were so difficult for me but with God's and elder's blessings I went through the same and today noone can say that I had hip bone fracture and had gone through 4 operations . I feel very sad when I go for pooja or pravachans because I am not able to sit in front and enjoy the pooja and have to sit in the chair behind, sometime to get chair is also difficult because now a days most of the people sit in the chair. I was a working women then , earlier I used to travel by train and later after the fracture started travelling by Contract Bus. I was working near Siddhi Vinayak temple , so I could go to the temple everyday as I used to reach early .

    Hats off to your postive attitude. Now after retirementGod has given me rest as my children are out and I dont haveto look after grand children.So I get to go for the poojas etc and also look after my husband . After sixty husband and wife come more closer . I feel blessed that God has given me a happy life duringmy retirement.

    Everything Happens For A Reason Is Just Not A Simple Tagline....!!!!
    If We Observe Whats happened in the Past...The Picture Will be Clear that We have learnt Valuable Lessons From the Situations Or From The People We had Met...!!!!
    Likewise In The Present too...!!!
    Whatever Our Heart Desires, The Universe Responds...!!!!
     
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