The Way Divorced People Are Viewed

I agree that it can be tiring to hear parents go on and on about their kids. But as a mother I do not agree that any parent views their child as a trophy. I am proud of my children with whatever imperfections they carry. Their successes and failures are both mine upto a certain extent because I am responsible for both . Yes , I should not impose their successes on others but I cannot be held guilty for being a proud parent. Similarly I should not hold a divorced person guilty for the breakdown of the marriage.
This mindset of people both married and divorced needs to change . There should be mutual respect for each other’s choices . I have friends that are happily married, unhappily married, happily divorced and unhappily divorced. These are just classifications based on one aspect of their life. It does not define who they are for me. I do not view them differently from each other nor does the degree of respect differ. So do not put every married person under the umbrella of being judgmental or viewing their child as a trophy .

 

Because we love diversity; and we have "unity in diversity".
Well... we come to society (friend's circle, relatives etc) and tell them about the wedding. Very few respond with "oh... I am sorry to hear that" and offer condolences. Most of them say "congratulations" and with you the best etc.. And later you offer up the information (either directly or indirectly through others) that you are divorced, and the society is forced to respond, and treat you accordingly. You must always blame the instigator, and not the instigated (instigatee?).

Naturally ... our troubles are nothing, when we come across someone with bigger problems. I think there is even a parable about how the man without good chappals felt sad, and complained about it constantly, until he sees another without feet, and realizes how fortunate he is. When divorced people describe all their problems with loneliness, with loss of previously held friendships/relations, having nobody to chat with etc. etc.., the miserably married people could weigh the options of their own situation, and decide to stay exactly where they are. Divorced people do a good social service to maintain the longevity of others' (unhappy) marriages.

 

First I feel that being a divorcee or a separated person in India, we ourselves are not able to accept and move out of the traditional conditioned mindset.
Getting a divorce or staying separate from the person you married is a tough decision and it needs lot of courage to take that action. So pat your back as many are still stuck and not able to come out due to reasons known to them.
There is no need to explain to all the people you encounter as no one is interested in knowing except for gossip.
Love yourself, do help others in the society in ways you could and become aware of your thoughts when you feel low on looking at married people.
They have lot of burden to carry on and a little comment they give may not be intentional. Just ignore and enjoy the life given by God.

 

Divorced people in India might face social exclusion. I found myself alone among my married friends. No longer invitations to many social occasions. They almost seem to be afraid as if divorce is a catching disease. Also many people who come to know about my ongoing divorce process, either start pitying me or start running hurtful gossip mills. They forget that I am also a normal person and not someone with two horns on my head .

For a long time I kept away from public eye and was scared of social situations. Now have become bolder with don't care attitude. Still some things/people hurt

 

when my own sis started the process, the first question was, "why, you have an affair"....

errr.. no. He was abusive.

I hope you are happier now. No one should live in an unwanted relationship.

 

Better to be divorced and happy than married and miserable. You did what's best for you. Why worry about what other people think?!

Here's wishing you the best for the future, @Dreamer.

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