The "travails of being an Indian woman"

therein lies the rub. are we 'creating' or spinning these issues out of thin air? how is growth achieved by talking about a glorious past, ignoring the troublesome present and getting defensive about our issues and taking refuge in red herrings?

like steve, i am done with this thread. i appreciate some verbosity but only up to the point it where it adds to the discussion and keeps one engaged! there is also the matter of respecting others' time in reading and responding to the posts. carry on then....

 

Beg to disagree. The implication was made and never clarified. One does not need the qualifier of a nationality "Indian" when we are talking about a problem like discrimination of women...and I believe it was not lightly made...hence the objection.

 

and for "travails of an Indian man" or for anyone else for that matter. Very well said.

 

@coolwinds : I don't force you to read my lengthy replies--if it hurts your time or routine, please understand that I have not tied you to anything, so why should I be responsible about how you choose to spend your time--replying to my posts or not is entirely your call !! Anyways either I was too incomprehensible, or maybe you didn't understand my argument correctly--- because what you are addressing/questioning is just too far from what I said. But its really not worth my effort to make you understand the content of what I wrote. I would also suggest you to save the time that you waste in guiding me how verbose I should/shouldn't be---especially when I am not getting my "lengthy essays" graded by you. , and for now I am not searching for "guidelines" on writing.

If the thread stays open, I will continue to speak my mind on such negative stereotyping---and when I find even more time I will definitely point out---how such broad, general umbrella remarks on a country, affect people of that country negatively. I will certainly explain that these generic statements are not even reflective of ALL the relevant facts. And I will explain, that one should bring issues to light---certainly, but there is a WAY to do that.....which I will put down in my next post. I will write for all those who would like to read it, and I would appreciate if you chose not to waste your time on what you dislike so much. A small minority might not share your distaste , so would request you to leave my long, boring posts alone, for them and for me.

@ Rihanna : I would not like to see the pain I faced due to the H4 visa be undermined. We are lawful residents, pay a good amount in taxes and fees, and some humanity towards H4 women wouldn't crash the economy, no way how you choose study the economics of it (rendering H4 women unproductive, who are anyways living in a country, will only increase the burden on resources. A lot of productive jobs create even more jobs--also this country has been MADE by immigrants. The day all immigrants leave, America would fall beyond repair. H4 women are NOT so significantly dangerous to American jobs and economy--they are just the wrong victims of hatred) . Yes it was our choice to live here--but that still cannot justify this evil law for people who have done nothing wrong. No--not all women can easily get an H1 transfer, especially with a non-tech background; community colleges are not free of cost, especially for those who have already invested a significant time of their life pursuing other degrees. Its NOT the same as taj-mahal fee difference, or not reserving the sale/purchase of agriculutral land.And.....A VERY LOUD YES, any day of my life--what I faced on local buses, in India, was NOTHING compared to the trauma I faced on my dependent status. It took everything away from me in one shot. Yes it was my choice to get married to an Indian in America, but for a good period of time I paid very, very heavily for it--I paid less in terms of lost income, but more in terms of a lost sense of identity,a lost sense of self esteem, and lost everything that i had called "mine" till the time the curse of "dependent visa" befell on me. I had the most hollow life I could think of. Yes it was a mistake to come here on H4 -but what's the remedy for women on H4?? Those women should leave their husbands and move back---or the husband should leave his existing, flourishing career and immediately return to save his wife's sanity?? Even if he is not at that stage of career when moving would be advised?? Even when he is lawfully residing, following rules, helping economy, paying taxes, creating jobs for other Americans too?? This law is unfair to people and those women who CANNOT move to H1 as smoothly as you put it (sounded as easy to me as spreading butter on bread!). H1 has its own restrictions on what kind of jobs it supports, and the time when it starts. About college...I know how I managed to get into college , but for most women, given the costs and the stage of their lives---I am sure its not a cakewalk !! Many women are living hollow, depressed, painful lives-because they are stripped off their credentials in a way-and that's not an exaggeration, but an understatement of what a woman feels each passing moment, each passing day---

@JAG...thanks for encouraging me. I would write more about why I strongly dislike umbrella statements that almost a trash a country. Right now I got too stuck up and emotional about the painful experiences I had a few years back.

About others who say its about "Indian Women's travails" and we should not bring about issues other countries women face. I think when we talk about travails of being an "Indian woman" specifically, it assumes that women in other countries have it way better compared to those in India---that's why the comparison to put the complete view in black and white.

 

No, it doesn't. All communities have different problems specific to them. Can not be compared.

 

If anyone said "women are mostly dumb" (I disagree with this statement. its just an analogy here).....wouldn't that imply dumbness is related mostly to womanhood---and not necessarily to men. Would that not leave the man with a benefit of a higher probability of not "being stupid?"even though the man was n't mentioned?

If you read somewhere(and wrongly believed)--- "Blacks are mostly thieves". You see a black and a white man around . Would you not feel safer around the white man?? Even though the white man was not even mentioned in the statement.By default he gets a comparative advantage that he might not be as dangerous as the black man.

Umbrella statements (without the context of why they were made only about a section!) about any particular section imply comparison. (even when the comparison is not explicitly mentioned)

 

Some more examples of stereotyping. I have seen zillion documentaries in a few of my classes about developing countries. Most of them have categorically chosen interiors of Rajasthan villages to represent India. For some weird reasons robust economy of Punjab villages--literacy of women in Kerala, developing areas of India....were absolutely missing on the camera with respect to what Indian women actually look like. The typical face of Indian woman was the demure Rajasthani village girl, but that's not the face I encountered "generally" in my decades of life in India. In none of the films, there any mention of the ferocious country lasses from pinds pf Punjab, who'd rip you apart if you mess with them, but would celebrate their culture and their own abilites otherwise! Or the educated women in Kerela, some of whom have a matriarchal set-up, or the smart, confident women of metros like Delhi, Mumbai---or the women in small U.P cities and towns, who are trying to do well in studies and come up.

I have been asked by my peers about how bad it is in my country because generally "ALL" widows are forcibly sent to Varanasi with their hair cropped. The cover of "generally ALL" puts me in a lot dilemma about the extent to which this "general " term stretches. Strangely none of the widows I met, during several thousands of days I spent in India, was forcibly head shaven or dent to Varansi. I am sure some of them are, but "generally all"???


What I have started to think and believe after having winessed so much typecasting is --that MOST of the women in India are born in Rajasthan, get married at 8....and tortured to be parceled to Varanasi later in life.. We all have lived our lives in unhygienic, dingy places. I have been fed this so much through documentaries, that I partially suspect that my parents lied to me about my own birth environment and region !!!

I understand that for almost the whole world, it is "tragic" for a woman to be born in India---just that I have faced enormous difficulty in relating that tragedy to the women I have met in my day to day life. I am tired of rest of the Indians being stereotyped and de-humanized as "Abusive towards women", and Indian woman's stature reduced to a "Low motivated,pitiable, spineless person". I wouldn't want a woman to be an object of pity just because she was born in India. There has to be more weight in this generalization. I don't want to fall under this bracket, and there is an overwhelming number of women who would not like this tag either.

where there are issues, just point out the real specifications and address them where these issues make sense, and what should be done about them. Don't label us under a single tag please, we don't need to be pitied at :| I am very proud of having been born as a woman in India. I hate it when people the world over believe that I have a history of being abused through my birth, when I actually I do not have.

If I felt deeply about certain women going through problems in my country....I would do something about it....or when I mention them, I would be very specific and factual about WHERE the problem exists--and not say "Mostly all women in India have tragic problems" (and we non-chalantly let tragedies happen to us!!??? Why??--we do have a spine, a strong one indeed!As a woman, I don't want charity and sympathy for my Indian-ness, I want respect for the strong backbone I have. )

 

May be. But then again it will be an error of perception and judgement.

 

I wonder how bad could life be for an Indian woman who was given equal opportunities and facilities as her brother and then married off with loads of dowry. They even made sure she lives far far away from ILs. She has to take care of neither her parents nor her ILs. Using her expensive paid by parents education is also optional for her - Just a thought.