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The "travails of being an Indian woman"

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 24, 2012.

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  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Steve says being the Indian woman is full of travails. And pretty much casting her role in the mold of Savitri & Meena Kumari of yesteryear.
    What do you think?

    I think that while the Indian woman's life can do with with improvements, it is not so bad as that she is unable to pursue happiness and individual liberty. Of the sacrifices she makes, many are voluntary. For example, the unequal division of household chores, don't many women do it of their own choice: http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/170978-do-women-voluntarily-take-too.html

    The patriarchal society does give the male gender an advantage, but is it really so bad to be an Indian woman?

    Any thoughts?
     
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  2. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    not at all. never felt that way. at the end of the day if u do things cos u wanna do it and not cos u gotta do it then u wont end up being frustrated. if not, u will feel like a martyr at every instance. man or woman.
     
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  3. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    its not a very rosy life for Indian man too. while in UK, i had noticed many couples, where the guy was not working and IMO, was simply wasting his life/youth, in a stable relationship with smart well earning girls. In India, since primary school, there is immense pressure on boys do well in rat race all his life.
     
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  4. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Most of the sacrifices made my Indian women (as far as I have seen) is unnecessary. Sometimes it makes others around them feel 'entitled' and at the same time too dependent on these Women.
     
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  5. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    No at all. I dont think my life is full of "travails n sacrifices". I love my married life. Regarding unequal distribution of chores - I think it is more a matter of convenience and who does the chore better. I do most of the chores because I know a) he will take longer and b) even if he does manage to do it, I will not be happy with the results !! However, whenever I dont feel like doing something or whenever I ask him to help - he is more than willing.

    I count myself lucky that I have the freedom to choose how I want to live my life and have a wonderful n supportive hubby to cherish it with.

    love,
    kylie
     
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  6. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Even if women is working full time in high profile position still she has to be good mother, good homemaker and perfect in every field. If her kids misses homework its mother's fault not father's fault. Women have to work inside house, outside house, take care of everyone's moods, maintain good relations with all and still keep smiling as content wife, mother,homemaker, DIL etc. Basically indian wife is free cook, driver,cleaner, babysitter, teacher, PRO, nurse, entertainer and many more

    If her kids suffer in acedemics, fall sick women should leave job and be content whatever husband earns (even if he doesn't provide or care about kids). Indian wife has to be tolerent, patient otherwise she will be called bad person. Its implied/assumed that women has to be caretaker of whole family, women is role model for her kids etc etc. If husband is careless, irresponsible its considered normal as all indian husbands are like that.......A good women/mother is supposed to hide bad marriage, her unhappiness and keep smiling for sake of kids
     
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  7. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    Not comparison to genders, but men in India has very high social and legal pressures when compared to women. It just boils down to self-restriction and morals of an individual, be it man or woman.

    But once known the tricks and if decided, women can practically walk away doing anything without any kind of difficulties or hindrances. But the same cannot be applied to men.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2012
  8. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    This thread and some of the posts are trivializing the depth of the issue by talking about chores. This is deeper, IMO.

    This needs a loooong essay to cover the breadth and depth of the issues. For lack of time, let me touch on a few issues.

    The Indian woman is raised from childhood with a lot of restrictions. Dads start off by calling them 'ghar ki lakshmi' and other names and raise them to be seen as 'ghar ki ijjat'. There by imposing higher standards of morality, high sense of modesty, lack of freedom of movement needing permission to go anywhere. They are affectionate hand cuffs.

    Dating is restricted. Even if she dates, she is generally conditioned not to want to experiment or cycle thro' a few guys before a good fit. Forget about sexual experimenting. Completely frowned upon and some families may even attempt 'honor killings'.

    After marriage, they are conditioned not to consider divorce as an exit. They are raised by parents/society to make the best of the hand dealt to them. Often it's a hand not of their choosing. This site is full of stories of people stuck in the rut trying to be brave and completely throwing away their God given life. Some people are stuck with men who are sexually unable even after 5 to 7 years of marriage. I think only some women will choose to play that hand. Indian woman comes at the top of that list.

    The issues of ILs and chores of running a family can be seen with other people also. I will skip that aspect as Proud Indian covered that above.

    The Indian woman is not done even after putting kids thro' college and getting them married. As some of the posters indicated in the other thread, she has to fore-go her personal happiness putting the happiness of her independent adult children ahead of her own. They say she has to voluntarily do it(?!). They will not even afford her calling it a sacrifice. Height of expectation of conformity by (net) society!

    IMO, she bleeds all her life. Many of these issues may be small and it's like 1000s of paper cuts. Some of us are fortunate to only see paper cuts. But not all are that fortunate.

    Consider her life from cradle to grave and see how much her life she lives for others: facilitating parents, brothers, ILs, husband, kids, grandkids. In fact all she does is facilitating the near and dear to perform to their potential often having her own life and happiness taking a back (or no) seat. Think of your mom, sisters, cousins, aunts etc. You will see those paper cuts robbing them of happiness and brainwashing them into doing it all 'voluntarily'.

    P.S. This is only to explain the travails of the Indian woman and not to be judgmental of her choices.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2012
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  9. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    omg, steve! i feel really really important, now.! :) maybe its time i woke up and told my parents/bro/hubby that they stopped taking advantage of me and browbeating me into thinking i ve not 'sacrificed' anything for anyone.
     
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  10. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    hehehe :mrgreen: I feel so proud/honoured, according to Steve's list.

    It is worthwhile for the efforts I put for my family. I don't think, I expect much in return, as long as there is peace in the family.
     
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