The tale of an index finger

gauridinesh · Aug 6, 2015

I distinctly remember holding on to that index finger. Strong and callous.
Holding on to it gave me a sense of security - a feeling that no danger in the world could touch me.I would hang on to it and look at the world with wide eyes. When something would scare me, my grip would tighten. The moment my hold on the finger became tight, i would feel a hand by my side that would hold me close and say "Dont worry- I am here. Dont be scared".
Even now, when the world scares me eventhough I have "grown up", sometimes I wish I had that index finger to hold on to.I wish I could hang back in the abundant shelter and the simple joy that holding on to my dad's index finger gave me.

As a child, it was not often that we would get go out to see the colors of the world.But when we did, it was always awe inspiring. My eyes would DEVOUR the pulse and the rhythm of the buzzing world.
A double decker bus was a huge monster trying to chase everyone, the auto rickshaw was a small fat elf running about to deliver messages to people,
the lady shouting out at us to come buy her chanaa was actually a sorceress who would conjure up a magic spell and freeze us into ice- My imaginations would run wild.But not once did I worry about a danger- because as soon as i felt scared- I would return to the security of my hand wrapped around dad's index finger.

I sometimes wonder if my daughter will ever experience that feeling of being protected from HER dad. We usually go around in a car, when we walk, my husband is usually on the phone .I wonder if she will ever know that feeling of calm once experiences when we hang on to dad's fingers and prance around-without a care in the world.
I wonder if her nostrils will ever experience that distinct smell of dad and the feeling of relief that comes with it.
When the world tires her, I wish she could close her eyes and imagine walking on the streets holding on to that index finger. Callous and rough-but loving and protective.

Srama · Aug 6, 2015

@gauridinesh,

first things first.When I read your title I thought it was @Cheeniya sir writing! He has earned his right to ramble about his index finger :biggrin2: If you have not read him (sorry to be presumptuous) you should and you will understand.

Okay now coming to your snippet, I would hasten to add that I am sure your dd has her own way of figuring out that sense of security she feels with her dad. After all dads are every girls hero. That said, your narration was good, enjoyed reading about your love for your dad and peeping into your beautiful imaginary child's world. Thank God for the heroes in our lives!

Viswamitra · Aug 7, 2015

@gauridinesh,

I am pretty sure your daughter will have unique experiences with your husband that she would never be able to forget and would passionately recall when she grows up. When the lifestyle changes, things change and both parents and children adapt to those changes. But one thing that would never change is the time the parents spend with the children despite long working hours. That in my opinion is the biggest investment made by every family for the future of the children more than setting up a college fund. Every child that is raised happily during childhood, who would be able to happily recall just like what you did, will turn out to be a fine human being.

Viswa

jayasala42 · Aug 7, 2015

Dear GauriDinesh,
A great idea conveyed through 'index finger'.First I thought that you are going to write about complaining or accusing about others pointing out one's index finger.You have beautifully explained the sense of security one feels when the child holds the fingers of dad.Yes,that unique smell can be realised by one and all. It need not necessarily be the index finger it may be a 'metti' sound or 'kolusu' sound from Amma's legs that gives a special confidence that'Amma is at home' when the child returns from school.
My daughter used to long for me ( as I was a working mother)when she returned from school.)Whenever I took leave she was so happy.She used to say" Amma, I need not come near you or hug you ,but the the very thought that 'amma is at home' brings in me lot of confidence,she used to say.
After begetting children she left her job only for this simple reason.She used to chide me" Amma, you have gone through so many strange experiences in life,but you have never been the daughter of a working mother and never had first hand experience of what I felt".
Whenever the word 'index finger' ,I am reminded of the great principle of'Sharanagathi' or 'surrender to God'.If you surrender or submit yourselves totally to the Almighty( of course, doing your karmas) He will give His Index finger to be tightly held by you wherever you go without any fear or hesitation and that path would definitely be a Dharmic path.This is what Velukkudi Krishnan used to convey in his discourse about sharanagathi."hold His feet,He will give his index finger and you can walk closing your eyes'.
Somehow, I don't know-why, your 'index finger' looks philosphical to me-whether you intended it or not.

Jayasala 42.