The Spoilsport Tree

“You want to do what!!”


The shortt , stout lady looked daggers drawn at me. If looks c0ould kill, hers certainly would.


It was certainly an exclamatory mark after she uttered her line, not a question mark. She was shocked and angry . I certainly didn’t propose anything illegasl , indecent or unlawful.


All yours poor truly wanted was to trim a bit of the tree in front of my house. The branches were making inroads into my first floor balcony and giving the railings thgeir “Me TOO” moment.


And the abovementioned lady who looked like a gunboiat with short grey hairs was an office bearer of the Residents Welfare Association.


The RWA an all ladies’ affair, wanted to see green everywhere and saw red if someone went against their ideas. If you pluck a leaf, they thought you were cutting a tree and reacted accordingly.


“Absolutely no question!!!!!!” said the gunboat with grey hair.


“Look, I am not talking of cutting any tree. I am just suggesting that I be allowed to trim it a bit . Otherwise it is blocking my view of the road”


It was not only blocking my view of the road but my view of PYTs across the wall in the multi-storeyed flats in Delhi. The wall if you haven’t read my eponymous thread divided my locality in Uttar Pradesh from the national capital.


In fact the foliage was so dense that I couldn’t even see whether the ladies in the Delhi balconies were PYTs or not so PYTs. But you don’t expect a lady past her prime to appreciate my sentimejnts.


My whole lane is tree-lined and I suppose nif the Delhi ladies wanted to give me a dekko they too would have problems. The RWA showed no consideration for such matters.

“It would be like beheading a human” said my green warrior.


“It is more like me getting a haircut” I said. B”Im agine the leaves as the tree’s hair. That needs trimming”


The lady gave a quick look to my pate which I keep bald with great care and gave what suspiciously looked like the long lost evil twin of a smile. It was clear to me that I was not qualified enough to talk about haircuts.


I tried short cuts. I tried to bribe one of the colony’s garden team who looked after its four parks and a whole lot of other greenery including my plants to trim the tree and he looked at me as if I was Count Dracula. “Maaf karo jee. If the ladies found out I’d lose my job” he said trembling from top to toe.


So the tree still remains intact ,untrimmed. But I have started seeting the brighter side of the picture. PYTs or no PYTs., those Delhi flats look like vertical slums and they have obviously been bought by people utterly desperate to have a roof over their heads,


The architect, if there was an architect was obviously inspired by house of cards This was proved few months ago when a strong dust storm led to the partial collapse of one of the builds, killing a woman. The flats were obviously built by FBNO Builders (Very Very) Pvt. Ltd. BTW FBNO stands for fly by night operators.


Remember ye olde buildings that used to have a spooky looking face at their gate or wall supposedly to ward off evil eyes? Well these Delhi eyesores are probably there to ward off eveil eyes on our beautiful green UP colony.


And pshaw!who is bothered about PYTs in such buildings? And who said grapes aren’t sour?i

 

Satchi FYQ the DW snipped a few branches of the tree from the second floor balcony. The RWA didn't organised a Chipko movement.

 

When I was living in Delhi, we had a neem tree in our compound. The wife wanted to get it trimmed and asked our .gardner r to do so but a neighbour objected and complained to the horeticulture department. And the plan was off. Thr funny thing is they have no qualms about chopping of hundreds of trees here to make way for VIP flats.

 

Viswa, let me tell you a secret. In reality, It is me who wants the tree to remain unmolested. The wife keeps complaining it prevents sunlight from reaching 1st and 2nd floor balconies. I like the tree there. It not only provides privacy from the prying eyes across the border in Delhi. It probably protects me from becoming a me tow target .Who knows in a few decades whenn I am touching a ripe old age, some lady in t a balcony across the wall divfiding Delhi from UP would suddenly r3emmber I was ogling at her and slap a sexual harassment case against me. The ntree hides my prewsence for them and their presence for me.