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The Scars Of Infertility

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, such queries will hurt your wife.It's good that you stood up for your wife
     
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  2. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, these people are so insensitive and rude.Congrats for your pregnancy..Take care
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Think happy thoughts; someone on this forum has been talking mindfulness techniques. Look for it, and see if that would add to your mental peace. Have a safe journey the rest of the way to a healthy child and happy life.
     
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  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been there. I was made to feel less of a woman. Baby showers for others were very awkward. It was not me that felt awkward, but others did.
    I have no scars but lots of lessons. Don’t judge a woman’s worth on whether she gets married/divorced or can produce children.
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  5. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, they treated me differently during baby showers.It was awkward.
     
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    If there is clear understanding between the couples,the problem may not affect much.It is sad to think that this type of harassment continues even today.Just piercing an arrow inside a ripe wound.After begetting children, one should not bother much about the scars caused by infertility earlier.My friend has three daughters.All are post graduate professionals. They have married on condition that they should not beget children.It is their view that they can help to reduce the burden of population in India.

    I had my first child after six years .But my MIL really felt that it is a very sensitive issue and she will not allow any one to pass remarks,even when my sister-in-law who got married later had two babies one after the other.She sincerely felt that one should not hurt the person who is already worried.
    jayasala42
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Congratulations on your bundle of joy, OP

    I am sorry that you had to go a very painful path to reach here. It hurts, and the hurt will remain forever. May be the degrees vary with passing time.

    My co-sister is currently undergoing fertility issues, and I know how hard it is for her.

    The society, specially the family thinks that conceiving a child is an art, that every woman should master at it.
    I conceived immediately when I started TTC, but I didn't do anything special than the other women who struggle to conceive.
    It is a matter of luck, time, health or whatever. But it is something that is not in our hand.
    So, blaming a woman for childlessness is cruel, and it shows who is who.

    More so, not every woman is ready to have a kid. Not everyone wants a kid at the first place. But the society forces them as if they are child making machines. If they don't produce on time, they are treated as a broken or useless machine. This kind of attitude should be eliminated then and there.

    Who can do that? We-- everyone of us, if we get together and speak up.

    I've done my part at many places. At home, at office, at public places etc...
    Whenever the society points finger at a woman for her childlessness, I give them back nicely.
    I made this, and many other good manners in practice in the places which are in my control (my home, my section at work place etc)
    And propose the same everywhere.

    Not just fertility, there are demeaning questions for those who are not married, divorced, having sick kids, and what not.
    A childless woman is hurt when others comment about her TTC journey, but she gangs up together with many others to comment against a mother who chose to leave her child somewhere else for work.
    A divorcee is pissed off when people comment about her decision, but she questions the capacity of the woman who has several failed IVF

    The society is not some independent unit that is against us. The society is US.
    Let's be the change, and expect that change in everywhere.
     
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  8. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Even if the couples understand and support each other, this society will not let them live in peace.Your MIL is great and you are blessed to have her support.
     
  9. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, blaming a woman for childlessness is brutal and it's high time that we change this.
     

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