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The Scars Of Infertility

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your wishes.I will definitely support such women
     
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    FWIW, I had my baby after 17 years of marriage, at an age where most of my peers are sending their kids to college. Do not let the past rob you of living in the present. At the same time don’t simply bottle up your emotions. Seek a therapist if you need to process your feelings and cut out the toxic people from your life, regardless of who they are. Your priority now is to enjoy your precious daughters.
     
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  3. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    I am already ignoring such toxic people. I am angry at this society for hurting women who are yet to have children.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am enjoying my time with my babies
     
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  4. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Glad things turned around for you. But can I offer you an alternate perspective... Its difficult to control external factors like what other people think , react or say. This isn't an ideal world. A lot of it comes down to how a person reacts . I never wanted children , was always sure about this, had no interest whatsoever. I was married for a long time and I faced my share of intrusive questions, comments about being selfish , but it never really bothered me because I wanted it that way, it was my choice. Either I just laughed It off, changed the topic or answered the truth , depending on who it was. And that was it. When people realize what they say doesn't affect or bother you, they stop.

    The people who said things to you have long forgotten it, this is only in your memory. So now its upto you how long you will retain this .
     
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  5. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    I like your alternate perspective.But it isn't applicable to me because both of us are different. Others' hurtful comments bothered me because I was trying hard to conceive.

    You are right about others forgetting it.Thanks for your comment.
     
  6. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Finest Post Winner

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    The scar of infertility is ruthless to both genders. Sometimes, the males are subjected to even harsher social pressure, which can reach to the extent of mental torture. But, I agree with you: the society needs to change its outlook.

    Mother Earth is already overburdened with population, resulting in increasing pollution that in reality is asphyxiating us very slowly. Therefore, if some people do not add to the population explosion either by volition or due to infertility, there is absolutely nothing to mock them. In fact, I would suggest that they should be encouraged in the form of giving some rewards, say 10% rebate in income tax.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2019
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  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    @Myliltwincesses the scars wouldn't go away....easily. sometimes I feel scars are necessary to raise up above.
    All the things you mentioned in your post happened with me within a year of my marriage. I was very young 24 my DH was 25. We
    had the whole life to get kid.

    My mil (demoness) is the correct word for her , tortured me from 3 Rd month of wedding. She would ask me every week "shall we go to doctor?"
    Her daughter was married before me was yet to have child. I never asked why you don't take your daughter to doc.
    Because I know it's wrong to hurt someone with the same knife.
    My MIL's sisters would ask / torture/ belittle me.
    Thier daughters were elder than me, yet to be married, they had no job sitting at home.
    I never asked questions why they don't get Married and have child?
    We moved outfrom inlaw place before our first wedding anniversary, within a month I concieved, but I had to loose child Because of mil temper tantrums of visiting them every weekend and doing chores. ( I was naive young, I didn't have girl cousins or elder cousins who were married so no idea how to handle mil and her sisters)

    After loosing a child, I stood up infront of society.
    They all blamed me, I took blame. Then I realized it's not my fault. I stopped talking to negative people, people who wanted me to suffer.

    I got my darling princess within few months of tragic miscarriage. So here I'm strong.
    Whoever you are how much ever education, career job you have. People would talk, this how they are.
    After I had my dd mil started saying it's not a boy. I told her you need not bother . I couldn't take more **its.
    My sister in-law after huge fertility battle for 8 yrs got her child. I never said anything to her. Allowed my child to bond with her, for that mil said your showing off .
    I supported my sil every time if someone said why no child in functions weddings.
    But my mil or her relatives never understood they asked same questions to me.
    People won't change. Scars help you to recognize this society, here we people should know understand never ask same questions to someone.
    Move on but remember who those people are stay away. Be a lioness guard your twin angels
     
  8. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Let society not guide you on your self esteem.

    Many People talk about others when they sense that there is something missing. Some people(not all) from the same crowd offer you help when you are in dire need. So use 'hamsa ksheera' logic, pick whatever benefits you and ignore the rest.
    The theory of selective absorption

    My wife and I faced several insensitive remarks during our long journey to have kids. When she conceived naturally and delivered twins, many in my immediate family asked her directly if we had opted for IVF again. My wife found it to be insensitive especially when it came from one of my older sisters; though I didn't take it personally as we had tried IVF before, I knew that such queries hurt my wife, so I had console my wife to ignore and also talk with my immediate family members to not ask such questions and seek apology from my wife.

    Society has to change a lot for sure. But we also need to develop thicker skin.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2019
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  9. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Can relate to this personally OP. We didn’t try for a kid until roughly a year back(8 yrs married). His side of the family crossed pretty much all borders of decency esp MIL, SIL n MIL’s female relatives. We both are from different states speaking different languages so it was even more awkward and hurtful. To convey the question, I have had people in his family tap my stomach to imply what’s happening. MIL n SIL gave me a lecture on how DH can have kid even at 40 whereas I cannot. I am due in Jan now but the anger and resentment on the way they treated me is not going to go away. They even commented that my age could cause health issues to the baby. Because we knew what we were doing and DH was very supportive, I didn’t let these scar me per se. either I answered back or ignored or acted as if I had no clue what they were asking about. But in my heart, I know that the same people will face their karma some time. And this was also a chance for me to know people.
     
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  10. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Oh my God!! You have been so patient..It would have been so difficult.
     

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