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The Real Meaning Of Earning!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Rith, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. Rith

    Rith IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Iniyaasri,

    Thank you for stepping in. I missed certain time accepting the fact that my life is mechanical. It took some time for me to realize, not that way always. we shall also make ourself available for some fun filled moments..Thanks for your feedback
     
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  2. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

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    Rith dear,

    I can understand your predicament to some extent.. Because I myself have mixed feelings with this and I have never been in your shoes.. I worked in IT for four years.. And I loved every minute of it.. Mainly because after 6 months, i found my boyfriend who sits in the adjacent cubicle.. So when i start and end my day with his company, there has been nothing for me to complain..

    A month before my marriage i resigned my job.. That's what my hubby wanted.. He said he would like to be greeted by me at door step after a tiring day of work.. He said he wouldn't want to put our kid in creche because both of us have to rush to job.. The first one I do from day one to till date.. But the latter is taking its own sweet time.. And I gladly agreed to his words.. And I do enjoy being a full time home maker and very rarely i think of i should have Continued working.. May be a two or three times in these three years..

    There is a say, you can't touch the same water twice.. Because the flow is gone forever.. And the things you have mentioned certainly not something money can buy.. So if your life doesn't demand for you to work, i would totally suggest you to enjoy the small small happiness which can give you a piece of heaven every time..

    When you get time to hug your boy, he might say, 'Mom, am a grown up now'.. I don't want you to miss out on any happiness dear.. Stay blessed.. :kissingheart:
     
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  3. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

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    I said mixed feelings because just yesterday i came across the following article.. You might have read as it's going viral on social websites. . If not, I will post it below.. May be few people are made up of stronger stuff and cut out specially for this?? I don't know..

    Most people know Chanda Kochhar as the top honcho of one of India's largest private banks, an inspiration for working women across the globe, a Padma Bhushan awardee, and recently also listed among the most powerful businesswomen in Asia by Forbes. However, this letter from the ICICI Bank Managing Director and CEO to her daughter gives us an insight to the woman and working mother behind the super-achieving professional. And for every daughter growing up with a working mother, this letter is a must read.

    "As a parent with a full time job, one must not let work affect the way you relate to your family. Remember the time you were studying in the US and the announcement of my becoming MD and CEO of ICICI was splashed across all newspapers? I remember the mail you wrote to me a couple of days later. 'You never made us realize that you had such a demanding, successful and stressful career. At home, you were just our mother,' you wrote in your email. Live your life in the same way, my darling," says the top banker in the letter, which appears in Sudha Menon's book 'Legacy: Letters from Eminent Parents to Their Daughters'. The letter has received a lot of appreciation on social media. Ms Kochhar has even been trending on Facebook since Thursday.

    In her poignant letter, Ms Kochchar talks about growing up without her father who died when she was only 13 and her mother became a working single parent. She relates the lessons she learnt as a child to the time she became a working mother herself to her children, Aarti and Arjun.

    "If you had complained and whined about my extended absence from home, I would never have had the heart to make a career for myself. I am blessed with a great and supportive family and I really hope you too will be as fortunate when you set out on your own," she writes in the letter, which is full of heartfelt advice for her daughter, coupled with anecdotes from both her personal and professional life.

    The letter makes for a beautiful read for all women, mothers or daughters. Read the letter in its entirety below. This one cannot be missed.

    Dear Aarti,

    It makes me feel so proud today to see you standing in front of me as a confident young woman right on the threshold of an exciting journey through life. I am looking forward to seeing you grow and flourish in the years ahead.

    This moment has also brought back memories of my own journey, and the life lessons I learnt along the way. When I think of those times, I realize that most of these lessons were actually learnt in my childhood, mostly through examples set by my parents. The values that they instilled in my formative years gave me the foundation on which I try to live my life even today.

    Our parents treated all three of us - two sisters and a brother - equally. When it came to education, or our future plans, there was no discrimination between us based on our gender. Your grandparents always had the same message for the three of us - that it was important to focus on what gave us satisfaction and to work towards it with utmost dedication. That early initiation enabled us to develop into confident individuals capable of taking decisions independently. This also helped me when I started out on my own journey of self- discovery.

    I was only a young girl of 13 when my father passed away from a sudden heart attack, leaving us unprepared to take on life without him. We had been protected from life's challenges so far. But without warning, all that changed overnight. And my mother, who had been a homemaker till then, faced the responsibility of raising three children all on her own. It was then that we realized how strong she was and how determined to do her duty in the best possible manner. Slowly, she discovered a flair for designing and textiles, found herself a job with a small firm, and quickly made herself indispensable to them. It must have been challenging for her to shoulder the responsibility of bringing up her family single- handed, but she never let us feel like it was a task for her. She worked hard till she saw all of us through college and we became independent. I never knew that my mother had such a wealth of self-assurance and belief within her.

    As a parent with a full time job, one must not let work affect the way you relate to your family. Remember the time you were studying in the US and the announcement of my becoming MD and CEO of ICICI was splashed across all newspapers? I remember the mail you wrote to me a couple of days later. 'You never made us realize that you had such a demanding, successful and stressful career. At home, you were just our mother,' you wrote in your email. Live your life in the same way, my darling.

    I also learnt from my mother that it is very important to have the ability to handle difficult situations and keep moving forward in life, no matter what. Even today I can remember the equanimity and calmness with which she handled the crisis on hand when my father passed away. You have to handle the challenges and emerge stronger from them, rather than allow them to bog you down. I remember how, in late 2008, we were faced with a situation where ICICI Bank's survival was in jeopardy in the face of a global economic meltdown. The situation was being analysed with a hawk's eye by major media platforms and debated widely in the public space... I got down to work, systematically communicating with all stakeholders - from the smallest depositor to the sophisticated investors, and from regulators to the government - the bank was sound and its exposure to these institutions involved a small portion of its assets. I understood their concern because so many of them feared that their hard earned savings in our bank could be at risk. I also advised staff across the bank's various branches to lend a sympathetic ear to those depositors who turned up to withdraw their money, telling them to also offer the depositors a seat and a glass of water while they waited. And though, depositors were welcome to withdraw their money if they wanted to, our staff also took care to explain to them that it would not help them to take their money away, because there was no real crisis situation.

    It was during this period that I took a couple of hours off one day to attend your brother's squash tournament. I did not know it then, but my very presence at the tournament went a long way in reinstalling customer confidence in the bank. A few mothers at the tournament came and asked me if I was Chanda Kochhar from ICICI Bank and when I replied in the affirmative they said that if I could still find time to attend a tournament in the midst of a crisis, it meant that the bank was in safe hands and they need not worry about their money!

    It was also from my mother that I learnt the importance of adapting to circumstances and not being afraid of the unknown. While working hard for my career, I looked after my family, and have been there for my mother and in-laws when they needed me around. They reciprocated in kind with their unconditional love and support for my career. Remember that relationships are important and have to be nurtured and cherished. Also keep in mind that a relationship is a two way street, so be ready to give a relationship just as you would expect the other person to be giving to you.

    My career would not have progressed the way it did were it not for your father who never once complained about the time I spent away from home. Your father and I nurtured our relationship despite the fact that we were both busy with our own careers, and I am confident you will do the same with your partner, when the time comes. If you had complained and whined about my extended absence from home, I would never have had the heart to make a career for myself. I am blessed with a great and supportive family and I really hope you too will be as fortunate when you set out on your own!

    I remember the day your board exams were about to commence. I had taken leave from work so that I could take you to the examination hall myself. When you realized I was coming, you told me how you were used to going for your exams alone for so many years. It hurt me to hear you say that, but I also think in some ways, having a working mother made you much more independent from a very young age itself. You not only became independent, but also stepped into the nurturer's role for your younger brother and never let him miss my presence. I learnt to have trust and faith in you and you have now grown into a wonderful, independent woman. I now use the same principle at work to make our growing population of younger talent take on larger responsibilities.

    I believe in fate but I also believe that hard work and diligence plays a very important role in our lives. In a larger sense, we all write our own destiny. Take destiny in your own hands, dream of what you want to achieve, and write it in your own way. As you go ahead in life, I want you to climb the path to success one step at a time. Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way. It is all those little steps that make the journey complete.

    As you go forward, you will sometimes have to take difficult decisions, decisions that others might scorn at. But you must have the courage to stand up for what you believe in. Make sure you have that conviction to do what you know is right, and once you have it, don't let skeptics distract you from your path.

    Aarti, there is no limit to what a determined mind can achieve, but in achieving your goal, don't compromise on the values of fair play and honesty. Don't cut corners or compromise to achieve your dreams. Remember to be sensitive to the feelings of people around you. And remember, if you don't allow stress to overtake you, it will never become an issue in your life.

    Remember that good times and bad times will be part of your life equally, and you have to learn to handle both with equanimity. Make the most of life's opportunities and learn from every opportunity, and challenge that life brings along.

    Lovingly yours,
    Mumma
     
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Rith,

    Miracle1000 is right and we can't touch the same flowing water twice. We age every single day and we miss opportunities to have fun every day with our family. Our children's mischievous acts are going to vanish soon. Their running towards us to give a big hug and kiss will no longer happen when they grow old.

    Life is full of challenges. I have not faced the same situation you are facing now but was traveling international so often and missed spending time with my family for nearly 5-6 years. After that, I realized that I need to find a balance in life and decided to pursue my career passion in an environment that would allow me to pursue my other personal life interest. Work/life balance is very important. I am not saying money is not important but it should be earned in a manner that would increase and not reduce the quality of life. How good is our sacrifice for the future well-being of our children if we don't have time to look in the eyes of our children and play with them every day?

    Chanda Kochar, CEO of ICICI Bank wrote a letter to her daughter how to balance work and life which has now become famous. Her daughter told that when she was studying in the US, she heard the news that her mother was promoted as CEO. She was wondering how she could achieve such great heights when she never failed to be a great mother at home for her.

    Every career oriented men and women need to rethink how to balance work with life. There is no reset button in life.

    Viswa
     
  5. Scorpio707

    Scorpio707 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Rith,

    You know what's interesting?? The fact that you have stopped to think about the work-life-home syndrome. A lot of them would give it pass and just continue without giving it a thought. I worked for a good 10 years, until the time due to an unavoidable situation I had to quit a year back. I loved my work, and was very passionate about what I was doing. But would not consider myself to have been a workaholic. I was lucky enough to have seniors in my organization who time and again emphasized on "Work Life Balance". I enjoyed every single day, working, eating out, off sites, travel and the package the job came with. It wasn't easy what with my health issues and regular visits to hospitals, but it somehow fell in place.

    Every individual is different from the other, the key to anything is life is knowing when to STOP. One of the things that I realized after I left is no one is indispensable, everything goes on at it's own pace. Presentations, speeches, awards, glory, fame all are temporary. There are infinite opportunities around us,we just have to change our perspective.

    Sorry for this lengthy reply, once a HR always a HR ( we are tuned and programmed to talk :) ).
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Rith,
    Really wonderful take on'meaning of earning'.
    Experiences differ from people to people.My MIL was always with me and a source of support though I had some maid assistant to look after the children.In many houses the very presence of MIL was the problem.Generally in 9-5 jobs we can to a great extent compensate our absence during day time, by spending some 15 mts of hug and play with children,though working women were very often blamed even for a minor illness affecting children.
    My friend's daughter was an IAS officer.Very often she used to go airport at odd hrs to receive luminaries, ministers and accompanied them to Star hotels for settling.The children were brought up under grandma's care.The children used to say'We want only ordinary Amma at home and we hate amma's IAS rank.
    Many said,after all children need nearness only upto school going age and afterwards they don't even care if mother is at home.
    From the children's point of view",My daughter very often used to say" Not that we want to hug and play with you.But the feeling that Amma is st home gives us lot of security and confidence, though we seem not to care for her.".She said" Amma you have no right to talk about children of working mothers.You have never had the experience of being a child of working mother in your life".
    Many mothers say that they were able to balance well and were able to give equal attention to family and work place,whereas many children don't side this view.
    In case of dignitaries and women with hi-fi jobs sich as CMD, such statements are very common and they are officially expected to release such statements only.
    Times have changed.Both parents' working has become almost a necessity, financial compulsion,pink slip threats and marital disharmony and many other complexities.
    Every parent wants to do justice to home and job.Many jobs, involving travel,this becomes too nigh a possibility.
    With all this we can't avoid feeling guilty many a time of having swerved from our responsibilities.
    Now children also are getting used to spend time alone,thanks to the technical advancement.Parents' presence may even prove to be a hindrance.
    Who has to certify that the mother has done justice to both? is it the parent or the children.this is a question that has no answer.
    Upto 10, children may like the company of parents who become No:1 tyrant later.If we leave a gap of 6 to 8 years we may not be assured of jobs again.The vicious circle continues.
    Good or bad, we have to decide and be prepared to face the consequence.

    jayasala 42
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Rith, very well written. You've got a way with words. Asking questions that are answers in themselves. The question is not about is the money worth it, or will the missed time come back. It is more like will you and your family be happier if you are not earning that money? Answering this in a bit detached fashion, and then revisiting it once in 1-3 years.

    Glad you mentioned that article. I also had 'mixed feelings' and an "I don't know" feeling after reading it. It is a nice letter, and makes for good inspirational reading, but, I thought it stopped short on actually saying how the stuff listed can be achieved by normal people with normal spouse/parents/in-laws, in regular paying jobs.
    .
     
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  8. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana
    I don't know dear.. But I believe, she would have started from the bottom and reached the top eventually.. She wouldn't have become CEO overnight right.. And no comments regarding spouse and in laws too cause I have no idea on that either.. As I mentioned I believe people like her may be cut out in some special way..
     
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  9. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rith, you have a knack for expressing yourself. And you make your readers introspect and re-examine their choices. :thumbsup:

    I wonder what children would choose if they had a say in this. Would they prefer a Mom who stays at home or the luxuries a second income brings?
     
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  10. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

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    hi rith..this is story of each working women i guess. day before yesterday only when i was returing from office i met few of my whatsapp group freinds doing their evenign walk and were discussing about their Zumba classes and faluda treat and what new dance they learnt in their dancing classes. yes these are all list of activities they do while being a home runner. i felt so jealous and envy them for doing so many activities. i really felt like crying and was very disappointed and expressed them the same. but their view was different they said we envy you being earning and independent and can spend ur own money in ur own way. we also appreciate you the way u manage both home and office and also keep time to interact and attend all functions...i cannot express the relief i got and the guilt was shooed...
    but to b frank i dont let this thought"good or bad" enter my mind even if i have nothing to think much. becuase this lead to big disappointment and i sometimes goes in sort of depression and guilt feeling i dont give much time to my kids and my home being working. but on other part if we see all house wives are also not that much dedicated to kids and home even though they are at home. yes this is true that we loose some sweet moments but then if we see ethat we are doing all this for their bright future so we get relax. even our children learn that so much of hard working is requried to live life...
     

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