The pleasures of being the firstborn grandchild in a joint family

apar_ram · Mar 27, 2009

My Father is the second of eight children to my dear Grandpa and Grandma who both were only children.My Athai( Father's elder sister) was the eldest and there were 4 Chithappas( father's younger brothers) and two more athais( two younger sisters). My oldest Athai had gotten married at 20 and it had been 11 years since the marriage but no children. The family was being supported by my dear Grandpa and my Dad, the chithappas and 2 athais were all studying in different grades and colleges. My parents got married... this was a special occasion after 11 years in the family. My mom is the youngest of 8 children, so my dad's family had a big relative group now. They were so thrilled to see such crowd as my moms parents had a lot of siblings and they had a lot of children too!!! The marriage was a huge celebration!

My mom was treated like a delicate darling by her inlaws, all of them showered so much love and affection.. manni this, manni that and they loved all her relatives who visited. They started seeing more people as they never had any uncles or aunts visit!!.. My mom started throwing up whatever she ate!! All of them were so worried, they rushed to help her and give her water and medicines. It wouldnt stop.. she kept throwing up everything. My dad took her to the hospital.. guess what.. she was pregnant yesss!!!!

She didnt have a day she didnt throw up, everyone took good care giving her horlicks and curd rice. she was so happy even though she was not very strong!! She went to her mother's house for the delivery, each day one of her brother in law or sister in law would be there to see how she was doing. Father in law and mother in law also visited her often..

The day came when i arrived!!!! They were all so thrilled to see a little package of pink tenderness.. they just adored me!! they couldnt wait until my mom came home with me..

My mom would say each day each one of my uncles and aunts would fight to take turns to feed me and clean me, shower me and dress me up!! as i was growing up everyone would love to tell stories, get small gifts and enjoy my crawling, walking , talking as this was the first baby since my youngest uncle.. it was 13 years since there was a baby in the house. I am the first grandchild. everyone till today adore me.
My mom got pregnant again!!!! when i was a few months old!! she had nausea and vomitting again, so i was lucky to be cared for by my grandparents, uncles and aunts. when my mom went for her delivery they would keep going to my other grandparents house and bring me back home!! then when my sister was born i was a year and 3 months old, they brought me back as i was getting very jealous of my mom caring for her.

My mom till today is so happy to have come to this family where they took care of her precious one when she was tending to the other new bundle of joy!!

My sister and I have enjoyed growing up surrounded by so much love!! we still adore our uncles and aunts . We had to move from coimbatore to madras when my dad got transferred.. When we were moving, my grandpa asked if we both ( my sis and I) would stay back and not go with our parents. We were only 11 and 10 and didnt want to be away from our parents, so we said no. My grandpa fell ill and passed away in a month after we moved, I still feel guilty and think if we had still stayed there maybe he would have lived a few years more. They showered us with unconditional love. We are blessed to grow up in a joint family filled with love!!!

I am so sad that my children are so far away from all family!! I can provide them with all material needs and parents love directly, but the love of the extended family i can only provide in long distance... Joint families are becoming ancient! I try to have the grandparents come here alternating with our india visits, i have to be satisfied with that in this fast paced world...

Cutepavi · Mar 27, 2009

Hello Aparna,

You brought back so much memories to me dear.. I was having a beaming smile on my face when i was reading your post.

You pictured your family members, their affections and bonding really well. It is always a pleasure to be the first born...

I mean, people usually say "if you are a kadakutti you would be pampered a lot"!!! i feel that wrong.

I was also the "First Born" of my whole family(both from Father's and Mother's side) like you. But ours were not a very huge family though (it was 3 from my fathers side and 5 from my mom's)... Even then as you said i was the pampered by every one..

It was like .. if i wish for something it would never go answered... My mom who was working never had to feel the stress of raising a child!

But 5 years later when my brother was born things were different.. Every one got married and started having a life of their own.. My dad got transferred and was staying apart.. It was just me, my mom and my brother with the servant( who came to take care of my brother..)

Now, whenever i complain that my parents are being partial to my brother... my mom would tell me that i have enjoyed a lot of partiality and pampering from every one..!!!!

Glad to read your story and i am sure your grand father is definitely blessing you.

Take care.

Sriniketan · Mar 27, 2009

Aparna,
Very nice write up..sure our children growing here were not able to enjoy those pleasures of a joint family..they love to have it..but as you had said..alternate our visits to make their grandparents come over here.
Glad to see how you and your sister and your mom is taken care of in your dad's side...
Me too is the first grandchild for my mother's side..sure I carry the pride of being the eldest..

sriniketan

Mindian · Mar 27, 2009

hi Aparna,
welcome to snippets...

though i am not the eldest grandchild i am the only grand daughter in moms side of the family so quite pampered (and spoilt:hide

but i agree with u, the first grandchild enjoys everyone's attention especially since there are unmarried aunts and uncles too..my daughter has that privilege..each time i want my parents to come and stay with me i use her only as a bribe"she will soon grow up and go to uni so if u want to spend time with her this is the best time"

Padmini · Mar 27, 2009

dear apar,
you brought back my childhood memories when i was a kid. i feel as if i am with my parents, chittappas, sisters. oh gone are those days.As you say you can give all the materials your kids want, but how about the warmth that can be brought by the grand parents? your narration throes light on the fact that there were in laws who were all so affectionate and considerate. i can feel the pride in you for being the grand child!! i had seen how my sister's son was adored in both the families as he was the first grand child!!
thank you dear for bringing back the memories.
with love
pad.

apar_ram · Mar 27, 2009

Dear Pavi, Srini and Padumma,
Thank you so much for giving your FB. This was the first snippet i wrote and am so glad you all got sweet memories of yours by reading this. Its true pavi, when my bro was born my parents had moved and he didnt have as much pampering as we did.

Aparna

varalotti · Mar 27, 2009

Dear Aparna,
I have a cousin who is your namesake. She was just two months elder to me. When we were young we were close friends. She used to discuss everything under the sun. She was very beautiful and even when she was just 18 her picture started appearing on the magazine covers.
And I, her younger brother, was at that time (even now not much has changed, says my dear wife) was an ugly duckling. She never minded the difference in our appearance and used to talk to me in a soft friendly tone for hours on end.
Why I should I sing my "suya puranam" after reading your wonderful snippet? Because when I read your post I felt like she was sitting by my side and was narrating the whole story to me. Your style of writing is so simple, direct, artless and casual. I tell you Aparna, it is easy to write in bombastic style using all the four-syllable words. But it is very difficult to write in a direct simple style. I had to train myself for years to get that style. You have that in you already.
I for one do not believe in "constructive criticism", Aparna. To me it is nothing but hot air and bull-****. Instead of doing that I will suggest to you something.
You know what is the difference between a talented writer and a not so talented one? The former has the discipline of writing something everyday. Even while he is idling he is thinking of the language he should use. Even while talking to friends he refines the expressions and looks for reactions from his friends.
Do you know how my first story got published in Kumudam about 12 years ago? Our Rotary Club had organised an outing. We were all there. I was surrounded by a few friends. I narrated an incident I heard from my brother-in-law. I did it slowly. And I had rehearsed that while driving down to the picnic spot. When I finished telling I could see many people were disturbed by what I told.
I wrote it in simple Tamil and it got published in Kumudam.

You have the potential, Aparna. Now you only need an application to complete it. Have the rule of posting a snippet every week. Write about something.

About the subject matter, you know I too was like you. My father was living with his sister and brother-in-law. They did not have any children of their own even though they were married for many years. So when I was born it was a great celebration to them.
When I first went to school there was a huge procession of about hundred people and a full-fledged nadhaswaram party. They made very meticulous arrangements about everything; except that they had not bothered to check up with the school for admission.
Fortunately a high-ranking official of the University was in the procession. He threw his weight around and got me the seat.
Best of luck.
Have you started preparing for the next week's post?
love,
sridhar

Jpatma · Mar 30, 2009

Dear apar,
Lovely, the love for your family is so beautiful. Enjoyed basking in the love.

You are blessed child and to be born with so much love it a good karma
God bless you.
Jaya

apar_ram · Mar 31, 2009

Dear Sri,
Thank you so very much for your feedback and your comments. I am so thrilled. Sorry wasnt able to reply earlier. I had a car accident and am having severe back ache and Dr. has advised complete rest So wait for my real fb for your fb!!
sorry to keep u waiting,
Aparna

apar_ram · Mar 31, 2009

Dear Jaya,
Thankyou so much for your words. Yeah its nice to reminisce for me sitting here in the cold winter in boston thinking of all the love i had growing up!! Trying to give all the love i can to the kids now!!!
Aparna