The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

just curious- How does the power equation change? Are you talking about the MIL who is bedridden. What is expected of the DIL who is in her late forties?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

I have removed a few posts that made troll calls because because it is against il policy to make troll calls in the forum.

If you think op is a troll who is just having a gala time seeing us clash with one another or if you think op is from MIL-ville as some of you claim, please do not reply to his/her post.

By her / his own admission, op seems to have arrived here with an innocent newbie question but with a hidden agenda. I am not sure if she(op) managed to convince us that dils are more tyrannical than mils. But she has definitely convinced at least one senior excellent member to never post here. That is a loss to our community.

The discussion seems to be going in circles with members getting more and more agitated / annoyed and op seems to be pretty amused by this.

Op seems to be convinced that this thread has achieved something. We had 4 - 5 senior members who are mils showing up here telling us how they prepared themselves for their DIL. These people are extremely nice people and we have known them for years. This does not mean that every mil is like these 4 seniors. Then we should be more convinced that mils are more tyrannical considering that we have a huge number of posts made by dils.

Perhaps it is time we learnt not to get too excited anytime someone posts about the mil-DIL clash.

Did you want me to delete this post quoted above?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Hi Anita,

Yes, please delete that post. I thought of questioning some claims made by the OP and then just decided it was a waste of effort.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Anita, what is the hidden agenda here, I am failing to understand.

IMO, the OP (whoever (s)he originally is) has asked a fair question which is generating a lot of discussion, responses... which I believe is one of the purposes of this forum, unless I am understanding the purpose completely wrong. I haven't seen the OP be disrespectful to anyone in any of his posts.

It seems like someone who posts anything that is opposed to the POV of the majority here is entitled to be called a troll, a substance abusing one at that!

I apologize for this post does not add any value to the said discussion, but just wanted to point this out. I am seeing this happen way too often in a lot of threads... ganging up against someone whose POV doesn't agree with the majority.

To stick to the topic, OP, I for one believe that it all has to do with the basic nature of a person. Some who is inherently selfish in nature will be so in whatever role they are assigned in their lives - as MILs or as DILs. I think a lot of these issues would be solved if the wife/MIL were secure in their own roles, understanding that neither of them are replacements for the other. It is all well that post wedding, the man's priority is the wife and that ILs should let go and not expect to be taken care of and all that, but I guess within our cultural milieu, that is not possible (at least not in the immediate future). I think it is fair to place the onus on the man in this case to be the one that has to bring about the balance between the existing relationship (with his mom) and the new relationship (with the wife).

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Last few days ,we were getting annoying pop ups every few minutes.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

You could go back a few pages and find one of op's posts.

I haven't seen this happen here. In fact our shrewd members have been fairly accurate in sniffing out trolls. (Not that i am saying that they were accurate or inaccurate in op's case). We can agree to disagree here.

Sorry. I don't see that happening here in this thread. Members were quite civil to op especially when compared to similar threads in the past. I appreciate them for this.

We agree on something

Why would that be?

Op, are you listening. This is what other members have been trying to tell you.

An op coming to this forum and posting that dils are more tyrannical than our Indian mils and who also claims that mils are being silenced in this forum is flaming / instigating the members.

when members think that op is a troll and make a troll call, as a mod, I have to tell them to either report it or not take the bait and feed the troll if they are convinced that op is a troll. As a moderator, I think I have done my job in a fair way. If you think otherwise, you may report me. No problem.

yes of course.

But then why is it considered an undesirable thing and a huge issue when dils vent / rant in our forum? Don't forums exist for that purpose... To discuss and try to find solutions? When a dil is told that posting here is undesirable, many of us see it as an attempt to silence the victim.