The dread of letting go - my nightmare

I had not blogged for quite sometime now for some reasons and I was thinking of coming up with something on a lighter note on my next blog.

But I can't let go of this moment, so here I am....

In Bali, celebrating our wedding anniversary.

It is six in the morning here and I am sitting all alone in the beautiful teak divan
overlooking the pool and garden of our
private villa. Early morning breeze and birds chirping away behind your very
ears.... People who know me here , will know what I would normally do in such surroundings.

But today I am oblivious of all that
wonderful little things. The beauty infront
of me seems to be transparent with that
dark and dreadful memory hanging there
behind as the backdrop.

It was the dream I had early this morning.

It was a concoction of bits and pieces of
short visuals.


We( myself, hubbie and some others
excluding my kids) were walking in some
place and suddenly there is tension in the
air.- visual broken-

Me and my son standing alone somewhere
( my hubbie and daughter not in scene) and
people are milling about in every direction.

I am trying to take my son to the top of a
very tall building by some outdoor stairs.

The bottom of the building is already flooded with water and the water level is
still steadily rising. It is a dark day and my
heart pumps hard as I try to pull him faster
to the top, to safety.

Suddenly some alarm goes off and a
squeaky woman's voice booms in an
announcement.

" attention. There was another quake( so
short. Had there been several before this to
make her say it in such informal terms?) of
10.(something) and a huge tsunami wave
will hit the shore any minute now."

I get mad and pull my son close. He seems
to be terrified for he is too silent( he
normally doesn't close his mouth except
while sleeping). Suddenly water is
everywhere.

The force is so strong , he is being pulled apart from me and I am gripping him so tight that ithutch even me. He cries and shouts.." mommy don't let go of my hand! Mommy please don't let me go. Mommy...mommy..."

And I woke up...

I still cry as I type as the scene just dont
fade away nor his voice which is still
ringing in my ears.

I know...I know... Dreams are mostly
manifestations of our own subconscious
thoughts and I read conspiracy stuff a lot more than any sane person,enough to have
nightmares every single day.

That is not the point..
The dream itself has less importance but
the thought that was thrusted in me?

Why we spend energy and time on stuff
which just will float away from you at the last moments and doesn't get a second glance from you?

Why do we indulge ourselves in huge
houses which will just be useless to you
when you .....

All it mattered at that moment even in a
dream was the love...the frenzy to get him
safe... The dread...

All those things and stuff we do and get with money is of no importance at the grand finale...

And it hit me then. Just what the hell am I
doing here? Wasting the previous little time I have left with me by taking stupid photographs of some stupid old stone statues while I should be using it to show and shower my love to all those Who need it?

I knew then I had been spending way more time and energy than needed on frivolous things but love.

I knew then all my fellow dreamers in this realistic dream called life(Maya) are sailing in the same sinking boat and are clinging to the wrong place for support.

I knew ....

Life is so short we would be surprised to know how short to spend it on anything but love..

This came as a splash of cold water on my sleepy face to the reality. I woke up crying....
I woke up loving....
I woke up in pain....
I write this with a heavy heart soaked in pain and filled with love....

If the world is to end in front of my eyes this very moment all I want to do is shout out as loud as possible that I love you all.

But does that carry any meaning?
Why dont I start doing it from now on? I think I can cover a lot more better than the last minute hasty hug.

So GOOD MORNING....
I LOVE YOU ALL.....
Please keep loving as long as you are living for we may not know how long that might be....

Now I need to go wake my son up with a loving hug...

Good bye...

See you soon with something better.

PS: (And here I thought bringing up a kid is a biggest and toughest task???oh really?? Try letting go of them?- what a rain check?)

 

Thank you dear. Sorry for the delayed reply...

Well Japan disaster might have been a trigger and seriously I am so into conspiracies and stuff i hear a lot more doom theories per day than an average person would hear for his whole lifespan.

Anyways, i am happy that the sad dream make me realize the most important factor in life and in that regard i am glad that I had the dream.
Thanx for coming in my dear,
:thumbsup

 

Thanx a lot my dear..
Yes we always turn blind eye to the most important thing, probably that is the design of nature...

I am glad you liked it. And oh before i forget 'IT IS A CURSE'?? haha...i will definetely pass this message to my hubbie. But then he is a zen, finds total peace there too.

 

கட்டிப்பிடி வைத்தியம் தானே?
actually when the movie came i had a quite an arguement with my hubbie about hugging everybody.
Are..what tha heck? what is wrong is brightening up everybody?

I for one always feel happy to see someone smile. But my kids won't agree with me:rotflcoz i show all my bathrakali thanam to them only. Now after this dream I am trying to control even that.

Thnx for coming dear.