The dread of letting go - my nightmare

I had not blogged for quite sometime now for some reasons and I was thinking of coming up with something on a lighter note on my next blog.

But I can't let go of this moment, so here I am....

In Bali, celebrating our wedding anniversary.

It is six in the morning here and I am sitting all alone in the beautiful teak divan
overlooking the pool and garden of our
private villa. Early morning breeze and birds chirping away behind your very
ears.... People who know me here , will know what I would normally do in such surroundings.

But today I am oblivious of all that
wonderful little things. The beauty infront
of me seems to be transparent with that
dark and dreadful memory hanging there
behind as the backdrop.

It was the dream I had early this morning.

It was a concoction of bits and pieces of
short visuals.

We( myself, hubbie and some others
excluding my kids) were walking in some
place and suddenly there is tension in the
air.- visual broken-

Me and my son standing alone somewhere
( my hubbie and daughter not in scene) and
people are milling about in every direction.

I am trying to take my son to the top of a
very tall building by some outdoor stairs.

The bottom of the building is already flooded with water and the water level is
still steadily rising. It is a dark day and my
heart pumps hard as I try to pull him faster
to the top, to safety.
Suddenly some alarm goes off and a
squeaky woman's voice booms in an
announcement.

" attention. There was another quake( so
short. Had there been several before this to
make her say it in such informal terms?) of
10.(something) and a huge tsunami wave
will hit the shore any minute now."

I get mad and pull my son close. He seems
to be terrified for he is too silent( he
normally doesn't close his mouth except
while sleeping). Suddenly water is
everywhere.

The force is so strong , he is pulled apart from me and he cries and shouts.." mommy don't let go of my hand! Mommy please
don't let me go. Mommy...mommy..."


And I woke up...

I still cry as I type as the scene just dont
fade away nor his voice which is still
ringing in my ears.

I know...I know... Dreams are mostly
manifestations of our own subconscious
thoughts and I read conspiracy stuff a lot more than any sane person,enough to have
nightmares every single day.

That is not the point..
The dream itself has less importance but
the thought that was thrusted in me?

Why we spend energy and time on stuff
which just will float away from you at the last moments and doesn't get a second glance from you?

Why do we indulge ourselves in huge
houses which will just be useless to you
when you .....

All it mattered at that moment even in a
dream was the love...the frenzy to get him
safe... The dread....

All those things and stuff we do and get with money is of no importance at the grand finale...

And it hit me then, what the he'll am I doing here? Wasting the previous little time I have left with me by taking stupI'd phtotographs of some stupid old stone statues while I should be using it to show and shower my love to all those Who need it?

I knew then I had spending way more time and energy than needed on frivolous things but love.

I knew then all my fellow dreamers in this realistic dream called life(Maya) are sailing in the same sinking boat and are clinging to the wrong place for support.

I knew ....

Life is so short we would be surprised to know how short to spend it on anything but love..

This came as a splash of cold water on my sleepy face to the reality. I woke up crying....
I woke up loving....
I woke up in pain....
I write this with a heavy heart soaked in pain and filled with love....

If the world is to end in front of my eyes this very moment all I want to do is shout out as loud as possible that I love you all.

But does that carry any meaning?
Why dont I start doing it from now on? I think I can cover a lot more better than the last minute hasty hug.

So GOOD MORNING....
I LOVE YOU ALL.....

Please keep loving as long as you are living for we may not know how long that might be....

Now I need to go wake my son up with a loving hug...

Good bye...

See you soon with something better.

And here I thought bringing up a kid is a biggest and toughest task???oh really?? What about letting go of them?