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The Confessions of a Male Prostitute – A Sad Warning!

Discussion in 'News & Politics' started by varalotti, Nov 5, 2005.

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  1. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I crave your indulgence for giving such a shocking topic for this snippet. When you finish reading this you will agree with me on the appropriateness of the title.

    Recently the Chennai Police have rounded up a male prostitute – a gigolo so to say. After a proper ‘police treatment’ the arrested person has come out with a no-holds-barred confession. This is not the forum to go in for the lurid details of such a confession.

    But I was deeply troubled by what he said about some of his customers. What he said made me sad, made me to think, made me to lose my sleep and ultimately made me to pour out my feelings in this snippet.

    The male prostitute was talking about the idioscyncracies of some of his women-customers, most of whom belong to the affluent class. One customer, the wife of a rich industrialist, took him to her bedroom and asked him to just keep looking at her for the whole night. She of course paid him his full charges and also tipped him over and above that.

    Another customer just asked him to give a massage for her aching limbs for the whole night. The third one asked him to just go on kissing her all night long. The arrested male prostitute does not appear intelligent enough to concoct lies on these sensitive matters.

    I am very sad that life these days has become so fast that the husband does not have time to look at his wife properly and appreciate her dress, jewellery, make-up, hair-do and her general appearance.

    That poor woman-customer should have longed for her husbands approving looks and appreciating words. When she was sure that her husband would never care to look at her she paid money to this gigolo to have her fundamental emotional need satisfied.

    In this case the husband of this woman is more depraved than the male prostitute. Of the three parties involved, the woman, her husband and the gigolo, it is the husband who needs psychiatric counselling, the most.

    The women who wanted body-massage and kisses from the gigolo, might look more vulgar than the first woman who just needed to be looked at. But in their cases also there was an unsatisfied emotional need.

    It is a psychological fact that every one needs physical contact one way or other. I am not talking about the sexual need which is on a different plane. Apart from sex, both men and women need to be touched, patted, hugged by their loved ones, be it their spouses or their children or their friends.

    I am not saying one should hug or go physical with any person of opposite sex when it is not proper or socially accepted. But within the house there has to be frequent physical contact between the husband and wife. Shaking hands, hugging or just holding hands while walking or watching TV- all these small acts reinforces the emotional bonds between the spouses and nurtures our emotional health.

    When these basic emotional needs are frustrated either by our mindless lifestyles or the uncaring husbands , the deprived women might resort to the ultimate step of summoning a gigolo to their bedrooms.

    Please don’t mistake me, I am not at all supporting the acts of these women customers; I don’t even justify them. But I am sad that their husbands have not given them their emotional nutrition which has pushed them to the extreme state of being in the company of another man and even paying for it.

    I do concede that there are millions of women in this country who, when so deprived, have just grinned and borne it and have not even breathed a word about it to the outside world.

    There are many Vidyas (the heroine in my Love Letter story) who are waiting for an eternity for their husbands to come back from their Gulf jobs or foreign assignments. There are older Vidyas too; women in forties whose husbands is forever away from them- either working in a different place or travelling most of the time.

    But the worst case is that of the woman whose husband lives with her under the same roof, yet does not have the time or inclination to talk to her, to hold her hands, to praise her looks, to appreciate her cooking or just kiss her at least once in a day.

    In fine, the confession of this male prostitute rings a sad warning bell that the fundamental family framework is being threatened by the alien lifestyles which we have mindlessly adopted.

    I am deeply disturbed. I can’t wait to learn about your views.

     
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  2. Sharada

    Sharada Senior IL'ite

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    sad

    This is a sad but true scenario. Husbands are fulfilling material ambitions, while the wife wilts for lack of warmth and attention. This causes a lot of complexes and psychological stress for the woman. This true-life incident does not shock me. To hire a gigolo may not be possible (or they may not have the courage) for many women, but I'm sure all women have the same need - to be appreciated, admired and touched. These things can't be taught, husbands have to learn to be more sensitive. My heart goes out to all those brave women whose husbands have no time for them.
    sharada
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    "Husbands are fulfilling material ambitions, while the wife wilts for lack of warmth and attention." There could not be a truer or more curt sum-up what is happening to us with the ultra-modern lifestyles which we have proudly imported from advanced (!!!!!!!) countries. While I join you in appreciating the courage of those women who had sought fulfilment of their emotional needs, I also grieve for them, for their emotional needs should have been so intense that they would have swallowed the moral qualms of engaging a gigolo. There's a world of difference between male sexuality and female sexuality. A male basically wants sex from woman and for that he is prepared even to give love to her, if it is necessary. A woman basically wants love from a man and for that she is even prepared to give sex to him, if it is necessary. When a man goes to a prostitute, what he bargains for and gets is raw sex, devoid of any emotional attachment. But a woman would never bargain for plain sex, however great may be her need. When a desperate woman takes a lover she finds more of an outlet for her emotional needs than for her physiological needs.
    Thanks Sharada, for the short, strong sum-up of my thread.
    sridhar
     
  4. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    unfortunately true...

    Hello Sridhar,

    I've read a write-up about this subject in newspaper. I've also watched a movie on male prostitutes (gigolos) in the english movie channels(star/hbo), its all about the life of a gigolo.

    I would like to share a real-life incident here. (not about gigolos)...

    There was this family of husband, wife , daughter & son . The man looked good and physically attractive while the lady was very small built and was not so good to look at. but there's seemed to be a happy family but suddenly the man disappeared for a long period for a year at a stretch and slowly the truth came out that he is living with another woman.

    The story goes like this.

    The lady was operated upon around the vagina when she was 8-9 yr old which has created such fear in her about sex. She was unable to have sex without lubrication.... and she was never interested in sex or family or children but managed to get married to this man who was 88th man who came to see her. her well to do background blinded the mother-in-law. but within days of marriage everyone was disturbed by this lady and the MIL sensed something wrong. MIL wanted to somehow dissolve the marriage but the man disagreed as those days (80's) divorce was a taboo. He accepted her and cursed only his fate and after few yrs they had children and the routine started. But this man was never satisfied as far his physical needs were concerned. He shared no closeness with his family. But provided everything the family wanted. He even used to protect his wife from friends and relatives by saying what can she do, its not her fault.

    He diverted his mind by keeping himself busy with his work and he could keep that way for 15 yrs but after that he just couldn't and openly told his wife about his problem.

    The wife was least bothered and told him to go with anybody but never to disturb her. She was basically a cold woman, rude in talks and with zero feminine attitue. At this point of time, this man meets a young woman who is divorced and living with her son with no support from her family. He accidentally meets her but the first meeting itself gives him the FEEL-GOOD-FACTOR, that he starts meeting her often and slowly proposes her.Today, this man and the woman are living together - theirs is more a live-in realtionship.

    The wife who never felt that she deprived her hubby of not just sex but the closeness of a friend and went around poisoning relatives and friends ears about him got angry when everybody appreciated the new woman who could give him everything that he wanted.

    Those days any woman who is single after 18 yrs was looked at with suspicion so the wife wanted to marry and to prove her sexuality she had kids and when the man had shallow relationships she never bothered but when he started living with another woman and looked happy she couldn't stand that - because now everybody would question her and a lot ignored the whole issue by commenting, what took him so long??????????

    But the new woman never stops him from his responsibility of his first family and she knows she can never marry this man but surprisingly, lives like more than his wife; I must tell you, their compatibility is superb. Everyone envies them. they are so close and the man is in his mid 40s and the woman late 30's and share a beautiful relationship. Though she was looked down by her family and she was called by names by some, this lady proved relationship is more than the string that a man ties.

    This man is holds a good position in the society today and the wife from well-to-do family and the new woman also has a good background.

    SO THINGS HAPPEN BOTH WAYS. There are women who are deprived of a lot of things and there are a lot of men who never get what they want from their mates. Some have the courage and money to look out elsewhere and some can't share themselves just physically so maybe they live together without marriage and some have secret relationships and some straight away head to where their needs are fulfilled. there are all types of people here in this world.........
     
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  5. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You have completed a beautiful circle, Meena!

    Dear Meena,
    With your simple 'state the fact and leave the rest' narration style you have wonderfully completed a circle. While I talked about women being deprived you talked about the same problem on the otherside. Had I talked about men's problems and you about women's, it would have appeared a childish, conventional discussion which has been happening on for years. You have beautifully presented the case from the other side.
    Now, Meena, honestly if you ask me what percentage of men resort to prostitutes and what percentage of women resort to gigolos, at least in the Indian setting - my answer is about 80% for the first category and 0.1% for the second category. Problems are universal, Meena. But this society gives men a lot of choices. Now assume that in your own example if the problem was with the man (let's say he has erectile dysfunction and could not engage in sex). Do you think the woman would have resorted to a gigolo? Or sought a live-in relationship with a male-divorcee? No.
    Don't think that I am against males. I am just saying that as of now everything is skewed against women. Unless we correct this distortion the next step of evolution for the human race would not be possible. So in a way when I am arguing for women I am arguing for the entire human race.
    I know a lot of women whose husbands have sexual problems. They have just accepted the fact and have diverted their mind to other activities trying to forget about their sexual needs. There may also be men who sacrifice like this. But the percentage varies - vastly.
    sridhar
     
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  6. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    The Woes of Women

    Varalotti has really brought up an issue which our sly society will never acknowledge. In our society, it is not even acceptable if a woman expresses her opinion to select her life partner or even her readiness to get married! Don't tell me about that section of the society which is fully westernised and mothers and daughters can freely discuss pre-marital sex, marriage, relationships and everything freely. I talk of that section of the middle class society, where even the fathers and brothers maintain distance from their daughters and sisters respectively, once the girls attain puberty! A husband and wife can never exhibit their love or intimacy in any way, let alone physically! There is a huge hangama on the wedding day; the groom and the bride are ragged and forced to exhibit acts of intimacy like holding hands, feeding each other and such things for the entertainment of the crowd. The very next day, the in-laws look at the bride like a cheap whore, if she dares being intimate to her partner openly! Except for a few hours' intimacy, which is granted to her for procreation, she is expected to be a holy daughter-in-law taking care of the needs of the entire family and smile and tolerate all excesses. She is supposed to be overwhelmed with her husband's broadmindedness in taking the entire family to the cinema or circus, if she wishes to go to the cinema or circus! Her wish to spend a few private moments with her husband is looked at as a sin. Sex is just one small part of life! What a woman needs is love and romance. Even simple eye contacts, some coded sentiments which can be understood only by the couple, a pat, a hug, an appreciation, a sympathatic embrace - all these mean a lot to a woman, especially, when she lives in an extended family, where she can hardly get private moments with her partner. I still remember that beautiful song in the film 'Abhimaan' where Amitabh and Jaya exchange symbolic looks and enjoy their privacy in the midst of a whole party crowd! I was so sure that the couple was definitely in love with each other! That was the power of that scene! It is really sad that for such Godly feelings, women are forced to approach other men! Then what is the meaning of such marriages? I know thousands of women, especially of my generation undergoing this kind of hunger for emotional intimacy. This hunger is more as we get older because our children distance themselves from us both physically and psychologically and all that is left in our lives is this special relationship that we have with our life partner!

    Once again, I congratulate Varalotti for understanding a woman's feelings so well! His wife is lucky!
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That Was The Response I was looking for!

    A response like that of rvnachar was one I was looking for ever since I posted this thread. A woman like a man should have food for her stomach, emotional food, intellectual food in order to lead a healthy life. While all this holy-daughter-in-law, family values, joint family etc. is okay in providing the basic food emotional food is denied to many a women. I can't hope to better the narration of rvnachar in describing the woes of the modern day women. I want to only supplement that with my experience with the so called westernised, modern, nuclear families. As rvnachar says there the mother and daughter may discuss about pre-marital sex or frigidity; but the sad fact is that even in such cases the women especially is malnourished on the emotional front. True men also do not have emotional nutrition. But the need for emotional support is greater in women than in women.

    I'll say about two very rich families - rich is not the word. The families are rich beyond any possible description. The husband heads a company and the wife heads another. Both are in the 1000 crores plus turnover league. I was shocked to know that the husband, wife and their teenage children meet only once in a month in the coffee shop of a star hotel in Chennai. But for this two-hourly ritual of meeting each other there is virtually no contact between the husband and wife. I have never seen such an abject poverty amidst such affluence.
    Another couple almost on a similar plane don't have the time to talk to each other. When the husband wants to say something to his wife he talks to his PA who in turn talks to her PA - I felt like puking on hearing that. But that's the reality of life. We have started to take good things for granted and have started chasing the illusory,evasive rainbow at the end of the journey. The truth is that there is no end to the journey and if the journey ends we are not going to see anything.
    Thanks for the beautiful reply,
    varalotti
    PS. Don't be too fast to comment that my wife is lucky. When you want a true account of me you should ask my wife. When I see the way my wife reacts to such statements (like, "You should be lucky to have him as your husband" ) I find profound truth in a proverb I read somewhere. "No man is a hero to his wife."
    ha ha ha ha
     
  8. ambika ananth

    ambika ananth Bronze IL'ite

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    why do women seek gigolos

    Dear Meena

    I think the example you have given about a man living with another woman, has no relevance here. At least the ‘other woman’ was finally accepted by the man’s family and to some extent by the society…where as can any thing close to that happen between a woman and her gigolo friend..?? Women never end up building a relationship with gigolos and gigolos too may not like to be tied down to any one particular woman..after all, it is their ‘profession’. But the question is why do women seek gigolos…??

    Gigolos are supposed to make a woman feel like a woman, by giving what they want in totality- excitement, adventure, romance, sex with no strings attached. There are many examples from West, though the trend is catching up in urban <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region> too, where women have confessed to have experienced their ‘ most feminine side’ in the company of gigolos. But many women may seek gigolos out of sheer desperation to find a ‘shoulder to lean on’ to get emotional support, to get rid of complexes, to find solace- that way women try to see gigolos more as ‘friends’ than ‘prostitutes, because they are usually prepared to give ‘respect’ to women, respect their wishes- something which every woman needs. Men should understand the very concept of marriage and the many issues involved in it, before jumping into wedlock. Then they can play a major role in curbing hyper-sexual tendencies arising out of insecurity or unloved feelings of a woman.

    Gigolos are almost ‘tailor-made to satisfy a woman in the most wholesome manner. But how far this concept is permissible in a society is a pertinent question. Its not always that only when some sexual problem is there that a woman seeks male company outside marriage, there was one article in a popular English daily sometime back, where women confessed indulging in extra-marital affairs because they were simply ‘bored’. Any aberration in sexual behaviour has a reason, but if it is as silly as ‘boredom’ then it requires psychological and medical intervention.

    No one can justify a person’s immoral behaviour…however strong the reasons are made out to be. Male prostitutes can come out and talk about the weird behaviour of their clients , female prostitutes can write epics about male perversions.
    For complete emotional well-being of either a man or a woman sexual satisfaction is imperative, but for that female or male prostitutes are not the answer. Probably searching for a 'soul-mate and lover ' is a best solution for a single or a married woman, even if it is seen as 'adultery' it has a sanctity of its own.
    ambika
     
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  9. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    its disheartening.........

    Sridhar, I too agree with u but I would say the % of women turning to a gigolo may be a little more than 0.1% in the present day - sex is no more a sharing of body & mind of a couple nor is it considered a spiritual act anymore- it is more a casual act. Of course the women need not turn to a gigolo exactly but anyone with whom they can strike a temporary chord.


    [FONT=&quot]Its really disheartening………….[/FONT]
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2007
  10. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I first read your reply; couldn't fully read Ambika's

    I first read your reply, Meena. Couldn't read Ambika's after that. Will have to do it some other time. For how could one read with an aching heart and tearful eyes?
    I don't think I can add anything more to what has been said already.
    sridhar
     
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