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The biggest sin one can ever commit

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by greenplanet, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. greenplanet

    greenplanet New IL'ite

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    As I looked out of the window I saw her getting out of the car. She looked very old, frail and unhappy. As she walked she staggered and almost fell. There was a man with her. He then caught and steadied her as they entered the building. This was the home for old and destitutes. Later that afternoon I saw her, sitting next to me. She was wearing a sari typical of an elderly south indian women. I noticed that she hardly ate any food at lunch. Her moist eyes appeared lost …may be somewhere far away , she was most of the time not aware of happenings around her. As I saw her at close quarters I could see depression written all over her face. She was really weak. There were heavy dark circles under her eyes, may be due to constant weeping or lack of sleep. I was very emotionally concerned by her and so I sat next to her and put my hand on her frail thin shoulder. She looked at me but did not speak.

    “Patti” can I know your name, I asked.
    “Janaki ” she replied in a voice with an undertone of sadness.

    “Was that your son who brought you here “I continued. After what seemed ages she replied “Yes, he is my blood “ . Suddenly an emotional energy surged in her as she sat upright for the first time with an eagerness to take it all out of her chest. “He is my son Balaraman “ . She continued with a flicker in her eyes. “ I remember it all just as it was yesterday. He was born 30 days ahead of time and looked very dark . He would cry for milk very often and made me spend many sleepless nights. “She wailed. It looked as though some unseen force had taken over her as she spoke with the vigor of a possessed spirit. “He would tremble each time a cracker was burst and kept on crying those initial days as he was born just few days before Diwali . I used to sit for hours closely holding him to my chest and tightly closing his ears “

    Janaki amma continued unabated ….tears rolling down her cheeks.

    “ It might be because he was born earlier that he started to stand and walk earlier than others. I remember the small walker his dad had purchased for him. It was made of wood and he loved going around pushing it. O how I loved seeing him doing all the mischief. He used to love dosa and I used to prepare for him regularly. One day he had very high fever and suffered from chicken pox. I was terribly worried and did not sleep for days . He would go into delirium when the fever hit him high. Every day I used to pray to god that he recovers fast and each time promise to fulfill a favor to the lord.

    Then tragesy struck. His father died when he was 9 . Those days were killing. There was hardly anybody to support and since I was barely educated it was very difficult to keep the kitchen fire running. But god helped as my ability to stitch helped and doing other small chores we managed. I wanted Bala to learn and wouldn’t have anything else. Those days ,although I was not understanding anything much , I used to sit with him daily very late into the night as he learnt over the oil lamp. He studied well in the higher classes and college and passed out in flying colours. “

    Janaki amma continued , now slowly getting more composed as it all came out of her chest …“ His first two jobs were within the city and he would take tiffin box daily. Even at that age he was like a kid throwing his dress all over the place once back from office and waiting for me to serve food in his plate . He would lie next to me and wait for me to tell some stories before he could sleep. “ But in two years time he was asked to go on tours and used to be away for weeks. I used to feel very lonely and lost and felt extremely claustrophobic within the four walls of the house. I just could not remain without seeing him every day . ”

    Then one day he brought a girl home and introduced as her friend. Later I understood he had a liking for her. I was very upset as she was not from our religion. For days we argued on this. I told him if his father was there he wouldn’t have agreed to this. But he was adamant and remained upset.”

    I can never see him continually down and upset and so I eventually agreed. But he suddenly one day register married her and arranged a party for his friends and colleagues. This made me dejected. He took a new house and we moved in to that. Slowly I began to understand that they wanted their privacy and he also started avoiding me. I felt very distressed and just unaware of what to do. Oh! If only Balaram’s father was alive. I did not have any other relative where I can go and stay permanently.

    Then came the disaster. Balaram got a job in Mumbai . I told him that if it was for his good , let him go and I would continue to be there. Today morning without telling me where we were going he asked me to pack . Only after reaching here did I know where I have come.

    O! How I miss him. How can I live without seeing him , hearing him. I just want him to be near me. I don’t need anything else .

    Janaki amma broke down after this and weeping incessantly , went into a swoon.

    Thirty days later

    Today, it is thirty days since Janaki amma came to this place. So far she has tried to commit suicide two times. Her health has gone from bad to worse. She does not speak to anybody . She prefers to be solitary , sitting under a tree just outside the verandah , looking far away , waiting for the end of her journey , lost in deep memories of her son…….
    [​IMG]:wave:We should always remember that we are here because of them. Parents love can never be repaid.
     
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  2. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    It is indeed tragic when parents are discarded in their old age, as they are of no further use. At least in this story, the son made a provision for her stay, there are other heartless people who just turn them out.

    But sometimes, when I give this matter a thought, I see it from a different perspective. Should parents, especially mothers, hold on to their sons with the same protectiveness and possessiveness they showed him as a baby even after that "baby" has out grown that stage and become an individual in its own right, with a life of his own ? In the Ramayana itself, there's a passage which says that once the child grows as tall as yourself, he is no longer your ward, but your friend. As parents advance from the Grihastha phase, they should try to come out of excessive attachment, even with their own child.
    Many women build their whole life around the single theme of being either mother to a son or wife to a husband. I agree that these bonds are deep and the most important ones in life. Still, it is better to acknowledge that life is bigger than that, the world is more vast than it. And most importantly, God gave this life to put it to some productive use and not to waste it away in self pity and regret. When one door closes, another window surely opens , if only one looks around.

    I am a mother too, my little son is the apple of my eye and my life today revolves around him. But I love him enough to set him free once he has grown wings. And my love is certainly not conditional on his future plans for me.
    I have only shared some of my stray thoughts here and not trying to take sides or offer solutions. Each case is unique, how it is handled depends upon the personality of the persons concerned. I know some senior citizens who have voluntarily chosen to move into retirement homes, where they are quite happy and independent, with occassional visits by family. And I can certainly say that there is no love lacking in those families.
     
  3. greenplanet

    greenplanet New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your comments. [FONT=&quot]By penning my views here note that I am just trying to wear my heart upon my sleeve. Anything , whatever might be the backup justification, does not support an action taken by the person in my narrative. Human beings are not curry leaves, that one throws it out after it has done its job. That too ones own mother or father!!!. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] I do concur that each incident is different and being possessive ,protective , attached have their own place. But the key word here is “dependence” and “duty “. I for one believe parents have to be taken care by their offspring , as a duty, and it matters most “when they are in need” ( at times of dependence ). I have had experience with retirement homes and I know for a fact that nobody is happy save those who find such places a better place to be in than where they have come from.[/FONT]
     
  4. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

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    Dear
    If this is true story, iam so sorry.
    On the part of the son, it is his duty to take care of his mom. He is really too unkind
    But as to mom , i agree with tubelight. As a mom we have to let go our children and learn to be happy within us. But to attain this maturity, one needs to go beyond ordinary thinking. For some mom the maturity is developed due to association with spirituality. In this case i assume mom's world is the son and nor books, reading and thinking has come into play.
    I have only one son and my DH has passed away, i am always worried to become centered on him. Now iam thinking seriously how to keep myself occupied and not pin for my son always.
    Jaya
     
  5. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Greenplanet
    This is a really sad story but so true these days. Atleast the son had the presence of mind to bring her to the old age home, like how Tubelight mentioned. Have heard of so many heartless stories where old parents are thrown out of the house. I remember once when we were in India on holidays, we had been to an orphanage/home for old arrangement in Kerala. They took us around and were telling us stories of some parents who were left at the railway station or dumped somewhere on the road side by their family due to ill health. The shock had impacted them psychologically too and many don't even know where they are. The whole idea of that place was to provide a loving and caring place for them to be in their last days. It was painful to watch them still calling out for their son or daughter even in their sleep.
     
  6. greenplanet

    greenplanet New IL'ite

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    [FONT=&quot]Hello Jaya,[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Thank you very much for reading my blog. The situation I have narrated is less likely to happen as years progress. Now women are more educated, have more things to be involved with, they go out , interact and mingle more than the earlier days when mixing with outside world was limited and life generally revolved around the home . Cheers. [/FONT]
     
  7. greenplanet

    greenplanet New IL'ite

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    [FONT=&quot]Hello K2S[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The situation you have explained may most possibly be the greatest ever sin that a son or daughter can ever commit. Under such circumstances the old age homes are definitely a blessing…GP[/FONT]
     
  8. shantisubra

    shantisubra Gold IL'ite

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    Hi GP

    I loved the way you described the life of mother of Balaraman. GP, though I pity the condition of this mother and feel extremely sad for her and angry for Bala, I have to say a different version of motherly love towards the son. I know this family of 4, parents with 2 sons, grown taller and handsome, the elder son who was in his 2nd year college died unfortunately as he drowned when swimming near the Mahabalipuram beach without knowing swimming. His cousin was rescued, but he could nt be. The parents lost all interest in their lives and was living like sages, but for the welfare of their 2nd son. The parents were too protective towards him. The father is a strict disciplinerian and short-tempered. The mother is "Yours obediently". Even after the son grown up and was in college/ hostel/employment, all his clothes were washed by the mother. He became a Phd. She will wait until midnight for the son to return from work and serve him hot food and will watch TV until 1:00AM and retire to bed.

    The son got married to a CSE, MBA girl, working in a very prestigious company. Both go to work and the girl returns by 9:00PM and the son by 10:00PM about. The girl after whole day's work, tired and retire to bed. The boy (now, a husband) will sit with his mother and will watch TV until 1:00AM and retire to bed. I understand that the mother will never let the son go to bed. The girl got really frustrated and resulting in diverse. Now the parents are happy to be back with their son again. The son dances to their tunes........ and they to him.

    Now I fail to understand who is at fault here!!!!!!!!!!
    Is any unduly overly love is boon or bane?

    Shanti
     
  9. greenplanet

    greenplanet New IL'ite

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    Hi Shanti,
    Thanks for reading. You will agree "mothers love" cannot die out. But as you said whats the limit of love reaching to being 'overly'. As i had said in my earlier comment my key word in my narration was 'dependency' and 'duty'. Since the mother was not much aware of wordly matters, not much educated, husband no longer alive, is fully dependent on son. If husband /any other relative is alive then its a different case. Thanks. GP
     
  10. manjulapathy

    manjulapathy Senior IL'ite

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    Hi GP!
    Nobody can say if something is right or wrong. It all depends on the circumstances and the exposure. "Insecurity" does plays a major role. If a mother is overprotective towards her son and not bothered about his life, it shows selfishness, heights of insecurity and lack of exposure! Classic example is Shanthi's FB.
    But at the same time where will the parents go? It is indeed maddening for them to be confined inside an old age home! Nothing can be more joyful than living with their loved ones!
    All are not fortunate enough to have a house of their own, a 24 hour maid, cook and fat bank balance!
    At the same time I would say that it takes a lot of effort to take care of old people. It is not easy at all! Even the slightest of hassles affect them. If the son is level headed he can balance it out otherwise in many families the wife threatens him into choosing between his parents and her! Then what will the son do? This happened in one of the families I know. A very well to do family. Mother passed away a long time back, father was living with the son and he was around 80 years. The son was asked to choose between his father and wife. The Old man refused to eat and due to low pressure he died. He starved to death! I feel bad for both the son and the dad.
    When I took VRS from a bank, my husband and me wanted to start an old age home. We did a lot of research.But destiny had something else in store for me. My husband passed away and I could not take so much responsibilty alone.
    I can only pray for those who suffer!
    Good..thought provoking blog!
    Manjula
     

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