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The Big Fat Wedding Tamasha!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Needtobestrong, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Just spent lot of time on social networking and photo sharing platforms..many of my ex classmates, childhood friends, batchmates, ex colleagues, relatives etc got married over the past few years...
    Just seeing the trend of how weddings are becoming more and more stylish, and customised and memorable..(in India, Indians/ NRIs having their weddings in india)
    *“ pre wedding shoot “ done in full Hollywood , Bollywood style photography with the help of a professional photographer / photography firm and designer..their final edited footage would make us go awwww as we see the couple in romantic poses in romantic locations reliving their dating days etc..
    *Wedding website where they post details of their love story, wedding venue, facilities, arrangements etc.,..maybe even wedding registry or wish list..
    *“sangeet and mehandi ceremony”.. though sangeet is compulsory for North Indian weddings, I’m seeing a trend of South Indian girls also opting to have a Sangeet and mehandi ceremony with close friends and cousins..practising their steps to their favourite songs and with trendy ethnic outfits...full video coverages of course done and uploaded!
    Especially bride and groom compulsorily dance to a romantic number during pre wedding ceremony!( how much fun they would have had practising the steps!)
    *Many of my friends have gone out of their way to spend to buy that exclusive lehengas set for the sangeet, many a time tailored by boutiques exclusively for them...of course they may not use the lehenga again and it may just lie in the closet indefinitely, and it may not even fit in a couple of years, but hey we need to live in the moment!
    * bachelor and bachelorette party celebrations! Very interesting and reminds me of “Hangover “ movie every time !
    *Whatsapp invites - gone are the days when the bride to be would meet up with friends and give printed invitation card to each...now it’s easier to just scan and send by whatsapp or email...
    *Seeing a trend of bride and groom posing with stylish sunglasses in their wedding attire post the wedding ceremony, in different poses either sitting in bike, or other vehicle etc..
    *lot of professional photography services have come up, they click pics in such an artistic way that you feel you are seeing the wedding pics of some celebrity wedding....even black and white pics look so classy!..lot of “candid poses”.. they all have Facebook pages, where we can go all aww seeing wedding pics of random people from different cultures..of course they have different packages and they charge heavily!
    *pregnancy, maternity photography after going in the family way..
    * The heavily embroidered blouses preferred by brides these days are so good...such beautiful blouse designs,modern blouse patterns, contrast blouse, and many brides not preferring traditional red or maroon wedding saree or lehenga but opting for uncommon and unique colours and colour combinations for wedding outfits.....
    Those who are settling permanently abroad post marriage , many of them don’t prefer to spend extravagantly on grand sarees as they would not be using saree that much given their lifestyle and prefer to buy few sarees which are less grand...
    * many who are married into mixed culture like from different states, Would have the chance to get married twice in two different wedding ceremonies,..or else both their ceremonies combined during those two days! all the more fun..two different mangalsutra, or else chain is common and two different mangalsutra pendants!
    * return gifts have become lot more interesting, creative and modern compared to earlier..

    I just posted in a lighter vein...I’m in no way judging anyone who spends lavishly on weddings...just admiring the ways in which a traditional marriage ceremony is made into a Bollywood style affair!
    During my time I had a regular traditional wedding with everything planned by elders, except for saree and outfit selections! But I really enjoy seeing the wedding albums of others...makes me wish i could rewind to those days and implement all these or at least some of these things when my marriage was fixed!LOL.

    Would love to hear additional comments On this topic..
    anika987, Amulet, Anusha2917 and 2 others like this.

  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I am older to you, so my generation weddings were considerably simpler. We didn’t have Facebook then and shared those 100 kg wedding albums with whoever came home lol.
    I would not change a thing but I would have loved to have a intimate civil ceremony with just husband and me.

    What’s important is not the ceremony, but trying to fulfill at least a fraction of the fancy wedding vows included in the wedding/ Facebook declarations of love.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Since weddings are once in a time life events, I feel nothing wrong in organising such events.

    It’s a way for connecting both the families, friends so that it’s easier for them to get along well.

    Also the bride, groom and their families would be stressful due to the marriage. So such events may add some fun.

    But it should be done without going overboard and arranged according to ones social status.

    During our grand parents wedding, it was totally different. Same goes to our parents wedding style. As the years pass on new things get adding up. Following such trends or not is of course on one’s choice.

    Coming to pre wedding/post wedding shoots, they are in trend from few years.
    Ofcourse extra business to photographers
    Although even we had pre wedding shoot, but it was not in some exotic locations like Mauritius, France etc (Yes I have seen some couples going to such places!)

    Ours pre wedding was in the same city. It was kind of fun and awkward sometimes due to various poses :grinning:
    But this really helped me in posing during marriage as all the shyness :oops:was Katham during the pre wedding shoot itself :tearsofjoy:
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    When I got married the trend was still new.
    The pre-wedding shoot and all.. Convincing my hubby (fiance then) for a candid photography itself was a big task for me. Somehow he agreed. Off course later I realized l should have gone for pre wedding shoot.
    It's a fun though.

    When I saw my PIL's wedding photos (like a handful of 25 photos) MIL looking so pretty with fulllll shy feeling and never lifted her head up in any pictures.

    But nowadays feeling shy on the day of wedding is a thing of past. All the shy is gone during the pre wedding shoots.

    Nowadays the trend is choosing a location for pre wedding shoot which is very unique -choosing honeymoon destination is easier :hearteyes:. But pre wedding shoot has to be unique.

    Recent wedding of friends few chose Goa, one Jaipur, one ooty, many such destination - All these were honeymoon destination for our parents.

    When I was in New York - the Brooklyn Bridge had a couple of such shoots when I visited . It was cold then and the bride wore a tube neck gown and was posing different romantic poses. Once the photographer shut his camera she used to run and wear her thick jacket to escape the cold . Awww I pitied her -all for the shoot !

    Nevertheless it's all so much fun and love all the enthusiasm surrounding the wedding.

    You have covered most of the points ..
    Two points I want to add is
    1) Wedding at function hall will be a thing of past soon and destination wedding will take over..
    2) Taking professional photographers along for honeymoon. Yes many are doing that and few in my friends circle too. :relaxed::relaxed:
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019
  5. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    This was "the coffee table book" in all the newly weds' homes. There is absolutely no escape for anyone who visits. Even those who had been to the actual wedding would be subject to that, with commentary on various mutually relevant photos. We'd often think, it is best not to visit them when they are newly married -- although our minds are full of the fear of The Big Book, we'd justify our non-visit by saying that the young things would be "otherwise occupied" in weekend afternoons. Sure enough, after some break, there'd be fuzzy b&W pictures of ultrasound to see and say "aaahhh...".

    When children are older than 18 (you would need two legal witnesses), you can take a Vegas holiday, and have that wedding and take photos. That would settle the question children had asked: "why am I not in your wedding photos?"
    Needtobestrong and SinghManisha like this.
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Personally, I enjoy being a spectator at these huge weddings and functions. But in my own life, I prefer to be a little more frugal and simple. Its not that I don't enjoy the pomp and festivities, but I don't think it suits my personal sensibilities. I have tried to play the part of a bridezilla, and I didn't really like it. It was way too much energy and I found out that I really didn't care that much.
  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

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    I agree that wedding is a memorable event and it should be a memorable one.But even a wedding in simple scale can be worthy of rememberance.Our wedding 56 years back was conducted in our house with pandals extending to five or six houses.There was kitchen in one house, dining in another house, sambandhis' stay in other house and the like.There was no photo. My husband arranged to take 16 photos( a film roll) .It was after a heated discussion about spending a huge sum of Rs 100/-for photo alone.

    In 2011,when Sangeeth, Mehndi were just entering the list of Wedding rituals in South,I wrote an article about the pomposity of weddings and it was published in the Hindu, Open page.Here it is.

    Marriage:-Ostentation or Austeriy?


    “ My eldest daughter’s marriage is settled. The bridegroom is a software

    Engineer”told my friend. Instead of jubilation,anxiety was writ large on

    his face.

    Soon on hearing the word’wedding’,automatically comes to our mind is

    a majestic mandap set up with floral décor,well designed welcome board

    tastefully decorated ,hundreds of women clad in Kanchipuram silks and

    wearing dazzling diamonds,the bride and the groom at their best attire

    beautifying the centre.All the guests are entertained with a sumptuous

    lunch/dinner along with a gift item too.

    Behind all this pomp and show is the sweat and blood of the parents of

    the bride.Thirty years back,the marriages were less expensive even with

    dowry.Now a days,the bridegroom’s parents boast themselves of not

    demanding a rupee as dowry,but the element is concealed in the guise of

    extra jewels,furniture,vehicle etc.With the soaring prices of gold and

    silver and rising cost of all food items,expenses for conducting a traditional

    wedding run to lakhs.

    For an ordinary Government employee/executive at the retirement age,after

    purchasing a two room flat and educating two or three children,it is

    a huge burden to celebrate the wedding as per the norms.Not to talk

    of those who have more daughters and aged parents to look after.

    Marriage celebration is a matter of prestige. Elite and rich people set

    standards for such things for the middle class to follow.

    The bridegroom’s parents alone cannot be blamed for this.Many a time

    the girls utilize the wedding as the opportunity to extract as much as possible

    from their parents.Instances are not uncommon where even a well employed

    girl invests her entire earnings on a highend flat and expects her middle class

    father to conduct the marriage in a manner that deserves her official status.

    Poor father,has to mortgage the house,his only asset.to cope up with the

    huge expenses.The mental agony sometimes leads him to death bed.

    Is such a gala wedding necessary at all at the cost of one’s precious life?

    When are we going to realize that there are more vital issues other than the

    gorgeous processions,mesmerizing mahendi,petalled pathways,expensive

    interiors and extravagant dinners?Is every one happy after the so called

    enviable event?Even before the greenery of the festoons fades,arguments

    and counter arguments over trivial issues creep up resulting in unfortunate

    failure within a year.

    It is high time that young girls and boys have serious thoughts about the

    ethics and values of the great institution of marriage and have some

    introspection about their social responsibility to maintain everlasting

    marital harmony notwithstanding certain struggles and conflicts

    normally associated with marriage.

    Marriage is no doubt a memorable event.The event need not be

    a pomp and show marked by lavishness.Even the regular rituals and

    celebrations in the presence of a limited number of guests will fill the

    ambience with festivity and make the occasion splendid, vibrant and


    Ye Brides and bridegrooms! Insist on a simple wedding with austerity

    without any ostentation,although it is against the wishes of your

    parents.You are disregarding so many of their instructions.

    Let this be the most benevolent one among them.

    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    ROFL what a statement!
    Some have the habit of blaming everything on gals. It’s very simple you see :roflmao:

    There are gals who even sponsor their own wedding and they are taking care of the house financially before wedding too.

    And these are the days when some guys are least bothered about his parents but the adorable daughter goes to an extent of fighting against in-laws or husband so that she can equally take care of her parents.

    Olden days wedding rituals lasted for almost 5 days to a week. Those days entire kith and kin would stay for the entire duration. But now its not even half of it.

    Going beyond ones status and arranging gala wedding is definitely bad but there are many rituals like sangeet, mehndi, etc which can be done at home and only with close family so no much cost involved!
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019
  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have no Problems with lavish weddings as the person doing it feels happy doing it,lives their dream and they can afford it BUT if they are doing it for show off or peer pressure it’s a different thing and not good.

    Personally,the only reasons I don’t do celebrations is coz of the time
    And effort one needs to Put to achieve it,it drains my energy,fake socialization plus that money I will spend on travel and classy restaurants..something which I personally love.

    to each their own!:)

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