The Anatomy Of An Indian Marriage!

purnima_2k · Feb 28, 2006

Hahahah

oh! god! u seem to be online all the time.. just like me! and of course i enjoy your tour a lot because i am new to this site and i am totally addicted to your stories as well.i Have added my little contribution to the "title contest". Even if i dont win thats ok, but i want your views on the title which i have suggested- good or bad, but frank and of course as a private message!

Regards,
Purnima
(i shall go through the article which u have mentioned and PLEase dont stop guiding me! its fun!)

sunkan · Apr 26, 2006

hai i think i am joining a lot too late but better now than not...

dear sridhar,
i can only say do u know me...because i am that woman who carry with a smile for the sake of the children....and yes carried the embers for 24yrs...when on his death all relatives could only condole thank lord the god has blessed u now try to live ur life now....i was 45 what use is this freedom to me..when the basic essence of life had died long ago...just 1and 1/2 yr of bliss to carry for such a long time...even to day i feel my father paid not for my marriage but to get me a sirname to live in society.....yes u hve raked my memories today....regards sunkan

varalotti · Apr 26, 2006

A Sad State, Sunkan!

Dear Sunkan,
I have known many women for whom marriage has been a bondage with no chance of freedom. I know at least one person who after 40 plus years of marriage with a man who never loved her and for the past 25 years has not even talked to her. Women like her provoked me this article.
What I would suggest is that it is not too late, Sunkan. You do have a life even at 45. May be remarriage and all will bring in complications. But given the modern day outlook and the facilities available you can definitely make the rest of your live happy and comfortable.
I am happy and sad at the same time - happy that I was able to touch a chord in you by my writings and sad because that chord struck a tragic note.
It is very difficult for us frail mortals to comprehend God's calculations. But now that you are free, you can start living a hassle-free happy life.
All the ILites join me in praying the Almighty to bless you with a good life. May your chldren be also blessed.
Varalotti

sunkan · Apr 26, 2006

thanku sridhar...

thanku very much for all the prayers... and mind u i am very happy personally....each live their life...i consider it the dramatic scenes and waiting for the next scene to begin..now i am 9 years away from the scene i mentioned...who knows when the curtain will come down....regards sunkan

varalotti · Apr 27, 2006

A Good Metaphor, Sunkan!

You are perfectly right, Sunkan. Each one of us enacting in one scene and waiting for another. And in the drama of life, we have good scenes, bad scenes, comedies, tragedies, ironies, paradoxes, there is no end to the variety. And the Good God is the all-powerful Director. Whatever scene he decides to enact and whatever role he assigns to us we will play that with sincerity. And in this Drama, when the curtain falls, we will shed our make-up (I mean our bodies and minds) and become one with the Director Himself.
That's life Sunkan. I am happy you had it right. Wish you all the best,
sridhar

Merin · Jul 7, 2008

Sir,
This is too bleak a picture you draw here!... Yes Indian Marriages have a lot of fault, most are arranged, several happen without consent of the concerned and other baggages that come with marriage including the extended families, the rituals, at a later stage kids - all these add pressure to the marriage. Many just exist through the marriage, but many I know also live it to the full extent!

Primarily, depending on the partner the pressure varies. Sometimes the spouse is supportive and the marriage survives hmm... some trying times. However, indifferent spouses can bring and be immense pain and suffering.

Few of my friends stepped into marriages with rose tinted specs , way too early and way too young. The colour was in vogue but it distorts the true image of the person who is to be one's partner for life. Then again - the idea of changing a spouse was favourite theme of another friend of mine. May be I was cynical because my friend did manage to change her husband - I still wonder if it was for better or worse! May be age and maturity teaches you to handle pressure differently - maybe a tad bit more intelligently.

But are these indicative of most Indian marriages hmm... I seriously would love to believe that, what you state are exceptions to the rules of loving and caring marital relationships ...

I read through the full thread... and the pain the advise and suggestions are many. However, once a mariage is dead - how does one blow life into it? Savitri blew life into her husband through steadfast 'love'/ devotion but would Satyavan have taken the trouble - is also the question? The Indian writings are replete with women making sacrifices and men demanding them - this is so ingrained in the female psyche of an average indian woman - how does one fight years of indoctrination?

How does one start afresh?

Regards
Merin

ajithadhinakar · Jul 8, 2008

Good to see people openly talking about marriage. Just thought of sharing my views. Before I start I too agree in the extreme cases of exploitation walking out of the relationship is the best thing to save the victim's life. But we should agree that majority of the marriages doesnt fall under this "extreme". Recently read a book "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. It gives a different perspective. "What if God created marriage to make us holier than happier". The author talks about marriage as a path way to God similar to "Thuravaram".In fact tougher than that.How true.Many people enter marriage with unrealistic expectations and they think it is the solution for all their problems. And when they face the realities of life they make another grave mistake of thinking that they have married a wrong person which will only add fuel to the fire.The bitter truth is marriage is like a mirror showing the real "us" and we dont want to accept that but only think by some way or the other change our spouse.We dont want to accept that ugly selfishness of ours. When we first learn to be in peace with our self,accept the other person as they are,accept our own shortcomings and willing to change them,expect things reallistically and make ourselves committed to nurture our marriage,I'm sure our lives will be better.

Regards,
Ajitha Dhinakar.

ANK · Jul 9, 2008

Hi!

Better late than never! I seemed to have missed out on this beautiful, thought provoking piece! So very well written, and very well dissected I should say!
I would not dare to disagree with Varalotti sir, coz there's nothing to disagree!!!

Somewhere along the way most Indian marriages become one of compormise and convenience. Compromise - for the kids, financial security, society, parents. And sometimes, for some, one of convenience - coz they have'nt seen better, and don't know better!
Its a very sad state, but trust me, there are a lot of dead marriages out there!
Take off the rose-tinted glasses, and take a peek around, u will be surprised!
Blessed are those who have found true soul mates and true companions to hold hands and hearts together and walk down the rough path of love,marriage and life!