Thank You Arnab!!!!!!!!!!!

Security is the mortal’s chiefest enemy” said Shakespeare in Macbeth. Living in Delhi in a VIP area where an ordinary Joe like me has to frequently suffer VIP movements and attendant security headaches, I fully agree with him, though he said that in a totally different context.

Even not so VIPs crave for state-provided security if only as a status symbol. This next door neighbour of mine has a couple of cops standing or sitting outside her gate in mufti and she is just plain Pee, I mean P or person and no VIP. Her reason is her husband, a cop died during an encounter with Maoists in Chattisgarh and the ultras could come to Delhi to kill her kids as if Maoists have nothing else to do.

All these security cravers are now bound to turn glowing red like the rear of a female rhesus monkey in sheer jealousy as Arnab Goswami joins this VIP list. If you see Arnab moving around accompanied by a posse of security men don’t jump up and dance in joy under the impression that he has been arrested. It is just that he has been provided Y category security meaning 20 armed cops would guard him day in and day out. I sincerely hope his wife doesn’t see his show . If she did then Arnab would require security in the bedroom too with a couple of armed men to keep his missus at bay.

Now there are TV anchors and anchors. What is so special about Arnab that the Times Now honcho would need 20 guys to guard him all the time?It seems that the Pak terrorists have taken offence that he criticizes them and their country day in and day out in his News Tonight programme. I must confess I cannot but admire them. You mean they actually watched the show to decide they should make an attempt on his life? That reuires an immense fortitude , probably more courage than you need to become a suicide bomber. The closest that comes to Arnab's verbal diarrhea is my singing. I suspect both give rise to homicidal ideas in people.

According to my unreliable sources in Pakistan watching one episode of the show had deleterious effects on those present in at least one terrorist headquarters. The scene went on something like this. And while the initial impression was the group wanted to send Arnab to the happy hunting ground of screaming anchors, the final outcome of their discussion was entirely favorable to him.

Boss Terrorist: Aaaaaaaaaaaargh my head.!!!!!!!!!!

Henchman: What happened boss? Want an aspirin or something?

Boss: It is that joker Goswami!!!!I heard reports that he is bad mouthing us. So watched that Noise Tonight show and my head is splitting now!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we should bump him off for that.

Henchman: Boss, think. Intelligence reports say lot of Indians are also pulling their hair watching his show. Some unconfirmed reports said some people are even tearing their shirts in sheer desperation. That show is a real psychological weapon against Indians! Soon quite a few Indians could be running naked on roads after a heavy dose of News Tonight. BTW that is the show’s name and not Noise Tonight.

Boss It is all noise anyway. I think we should chalk out a plan to send that infidel to burn in hell at the earliest.

Henchman But boss your deputy Hamid is a great fan of the show. He is always in a ROFL state watching it. He says it is the funniest comedy show he has ever seen will all guys talking at the same time The resulting cacophony is absolutely hilarious he says.

Boss: (Groans): Ah why did I recruit that bloody masochist?

Henchman: Masochist boss?

Boss: Of course, anybody who enjoys that show with a hearty laugh can only be a masochist .

May be one day I should whip him. He would probably ask for more.

Henchman: Back to News Tonight boss, I have an excellent idea?

Boss: To bump off that creep?

Henchman: No to motivate our boys with little help from News Tonight. Most of them say they don’t want to become suicide bombers because they don’t know how they would cope with 70 plus females in the afterlife. But Arnab can help us. (He explains in detail his plan).

(A few weeks later)

Henchman: Boss . success! We have quite a lot of volunteers who want to have a blast going for suicide missions.

Boss: Never thought making them watch Arnab’s antics everyday would have that effect!. Out of sheer desperation now they say they don’t want to live in a world which has such crappy TV shows . They would rather blast themselves away to glory and try their best to cope up with a large harem in the afterlife.Congrats my boy. You are my new deputy. I am sending Hamid on the path of enjoying the company of 70 plus lovely ladies.!

Hope they sent a thank you note to Mr.Goswami But watch your step. Your panelists and the viewing public too may have dark designs for cutting short your existence. And do please remain silent with your security guys, Otherwise they probably would give a very positive thought to sending you to meet your maker.

 

Hope you didn't rush to a doctor with a stomachache.