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Tell me if I am being unreasonable and over reacting

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by neetatx, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. neetatx

    neetatx New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    This is my first post, just created an account on IL. But nonetheless, I have been a lurker for quite some time. Reading about information and issues and how to deal with them.

    I have been happily married for the last 1.2 yrs. DH and I moved to US after marriage. Mine is a little weird issue (some may thing) so I want to apologize up front for according to some this is a little TMI.

    Being recently married, both of us have decided that we do not want any kid for at least 3 years. So we use family planning options. So my issue begins here:

    After marriage he wanted me to use BCP but I was against it due to the side effects. DH's take was that if I take the pill, IC can be done naturally meaning without condom for him. But I did not want to take the pill, so he did not pursue me much. For the first 6 mths he kept using condoms.

    After that I went to OB/GNY for yearly check up and she prescribed me BCP in case I wanted it. Again DH asked me to take it and I decided to give it a shot with assurances from Dr. as well that I should not be experiencing any side effects.

    I started taking them and DH insisted on have IC naturally since I was protected but I was not very convinced so asked for some more time, which he agreed to (he is nice person that way). After taking the pills for almost 3 mths he kept insisting that we dont have to use the condom anymore. But I feel more secure when he uses it since I don't want to be pregnant so soon and it gives double protection.

    So here are my 2 issues:

    1. Though I take BCP regularly now I want DH to keep using condom, which he is refusing to do and he things I am being paranoid and BCP is good enough. He thinks if we are married and there is other protection we should be doing it without condom like normal people.

    2. If we do it without condoms, I don't like the mess it creates afterwards. It disgust me and leaves me wanting to take a shower to get it off me. DH also thinks I am over reacting here.

    This thing is causing a little conflict and tension in bed for last 3 mths.

    Ladies do you think I am over reacting? All I want is a peace of mind knowing nothing unexpected is going to happen and don't want to deal with the "mess" after IC without condom.

    What do you suggest?
     
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  2. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    There are other birth control options like IUD which can protect you 100% if you are against pill.
    So basically you dont want the "mess"...emmm, not sure how you can address that without condom.
     
  3. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Okayyy..."mess"...now what to do about it?? Ummm..quick question to you.... what do you plan to do about the "mess" when you plan for a kid?? Then, an immediate shower after IC is definitely NOT the way to go....
    The "mess" might have the most important role at that time, after all.

    Ever thought about the fact that the "mess" means that your DH is satisfied, and been happy at that thought?

    Anyhow, until you don't want a kid, you should just bolt into the shower after IC!!
     
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  4. neetatx

    neetatx New IL'ite

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    Thank you Rahkii and dimhere for you response.

    dimhere, I understand what you are saying and completely agree with you regarding the satisfaction of DH. I love him and want him to be satisfied. I want him without condom because that is what he likes the most.

    I need to get over the fact about how 'messy' it gets. Truly speaking, I get lazy to get out of the bed after IC to go wash. DH can easily sleep through the night without issues but I can't, its just uncomfortable.

    I am sure there must be others who feel the same and must have done something about it.
     
  5. vvvvvv

    vvvvvv Silver IL'ite

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    Have paper towels nearby.
     
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  6. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    Neeta,
    Quick answer for your topic title: Yes, you are over reacting.
    1) Ob/Gyn s are qualified in that area. Once they have suggested means, you need to bend your preferences to follow their suggestions. If not, you need to be able to logically convince your doctor over the suggestion.
    2) Your spouse sounds very understanding. He had given many options to you to adjust and honored your opinion beyond standard limits.
    3) You dont need to wait beyond a couple of weeks(worst a month) to stop using condoms after starting the pills. Your Doctor is the best bet for you to know how long that you can wait.

    Points to remember:
    1) BCPs are not only for BC but also influence the periodical cycles. In many cases, they would regulate the irregular cycles. As a matter of fact, there are many females use BCP just to regulate their periodical cycle(they influence the hormones flow in a positive way). So, honor the suggestion of your Doctor, if you are not a doctor.
    2) Mess and other related stuff: Many other ILs shot few points on this already. This is clearly psychological, how do you view it. Think outside the box. Its just another body fluid like your cough, phlegm, running nose etc. If you step back few years of your age, you (and me or every one) is made out of such things.. So, let me not to be more philosophical here.. you know where I am referring. So, its more practical for a female to consider such things so natural as they experience these naturally. There are many work arounds to manage the issue. Follow the ILs points above and do your own research(there are Baby wipes available, which are quite recommended).
    With small and very negligible and manageable fixes, you can avoid your spouse(and yours) issue very decently. You guys help one other and lead a happy married life.
     
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  7. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Wipe it with toilet tissues... That's what I do normally.
     
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  8. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, I hope you are aware that peeing before and after intercourse is very good practice for avoiding urinary tract infections. Especially afterwards, it should be done within 15 minutes to lower your risk. So there, you have a pretty good incentive to not be lazy. Going to bed without cleaning up is a no no for us women whether you use protection or not.
     
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  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Just one thing to add, hope you are taking the pill everyday at a specified time. Else it doesnt work properly.
     
  10. ramyanu22

    ramyanu22 New IL'ite

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    my advise to you would be not to take things too seriously. i understand that you want to enjoy your married life and i totally agree with you. but let not this confusion effect your happy life. just do what your doc has advised you and leave the rest upon god because anxiety might ultimately put you into trouble. It is my experience which is speaking. to avoid any kind of infection do clean up yourself both of you before and after IC.
     

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