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Talking Sexual Identity, Orientation With Teen

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Guys, sorry for the (very) late. Many interesting and useful inputs, thank you. I was reading up about it, and DH says, 'our parents did not give us this gyan.. we need not tax ourselves either.' : )

    Kids will most likely get their information from other sources and turn to you more for insights or your opinion. What parents can do is keep the communication lines open. Build a rapport with the kid so that even with all the arguments and yelling that happens between teens and parents, the kid feels confident enough to approach parents if needed. That rapport building can start when they are quite young also. Some ways:

    Valentine’s Day: Children as young as 7 or 8 begin to understand the commonly accepted significance of Valentine’s Day. Explore with them the original idea, what it has come to mean, what the cards mean. With slightly older kids, ask them if they think it is OK to celebrate it in school. What this day got to do with sex and sexuality? Nothing or a lot. : ) But it is a good topic to start laying the base of that rapport.

    News stories: Abuse in the church, organizations like the boy scouts, female gymnasts, college sports, and by men and women in power -- discussing these is a great way to share our values with our teenagers and get to know their take on these things without a direct interrogation.

    Hygiene and care of self: It need not stop at telling them to shower daily and to use deodorant. Without invading their privacy, let that be a topic that is OK to talk about. Care of downtown - to trim or not to trim. : ) Medical uses of circumcision. How it is an eternal debate.

    Terms from the media that you don’t understand: Just like they are experts at fixing your misbehaving mobile phone, teenagers are also more savvy with the latest terms related to almost anything. A few years ago, my much bemused 14 year old explained ‘slash fiction’ to me. So, ask them about gender identity and the like.

    Pediatrician: This was one thing I happened to do right by chance. Starting around when each turned 11 or so, I would step out of the room when the pediatrician was examining them. Around 13 or so, I started to make sure they got 1-1 time to discuss things with the ped. In front of the Dr., I told them that they can contact her at any time, and she will help them, and they need not fear that I will get to know. I told the ped. where DH and I stood on the kids dating, being sexually active etc., and told her that I am glad my kids have her to count on. This is actually a trick. : ) The more freedom you give kids, the more they want your opinion. : ) At least so far that has been the case.

    When I was your age: Quite a few teenagers are actually interested in knowing how things were for their parents 20-30 years ago. No need to tell them everything : ) but some talk about that broken heart, almost had sex, worried about size of breast/penis can normalize potentially awkward discussions.

    Off to college: Looks like Indian parents generally do not talk about sex in college with the teen heading off to college. They kinda sorta hope/pray/assume that the kid is still a virgin, and knows enough to figure out his/her way in college. : ) Perhaps senior year of high school is a good time to sneak in some discussions. A friend with kids older than mine told me to give my daughter condoms to take along. It took me a minute to discern the intent and wisdom in her suggestion. : )

    These are a few ways I think parents can give kids the confidence that no matter what the parent will always be there for the child. Build the rapport, keep the communication lines open. Teenagers care about the opinions of their parents more than they let on.
     
  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I wanted to watch it in theater, but didn't because I can't stand people laughing extra loudly at the humor/comedy in such movies. Waiting for it to come in Amazon or Netflix.

    Based on the trailer, I wouldn't mind watching it with a child 10-12 or older.
     
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  3. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Lots of good information. Will take a print out, really! I have been grappling on how / what to talk with kid.

    Thx for covering so many points.
     
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  4. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    I went to watch Made in China, and had to come back without completing movie.
    I hadn’t watched any trailers. It was too much
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Aww I feel so validated. : ) Print out.....:blush:

    I found this website to be a good source of articles on the topic. They are not too sappy and not patronizing, nor do they prescribe unachievable goals for parents.
    From Our Experts | Parents Are Talking
     
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