Super Super Stressed..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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  2. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    You want and dont want to be a housewife at the same time... this isnt possible Anika.

    Make up your mind... and juggle those limited 24 marbles you got in the pots you want. Your H is not making ANY space at all for you but if you HAVE to have a job, you find a way.

    And about writing away your life in the hope of shutting people's mouth... I have already written loads in your last post.

    Sulking about not having space wont make space...even after eternity.
     
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  3. Moochi

    Moochi Bronze IL'ite

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    Anika I'm not at an age to advice you. But really answer this to yourself honestly :what do you really want out of your life? A happy life with your little family or a lifetime of panic and anxiety over some strangers comments?
    Regarding your daughter : I'm of the opinion that mothers can instill confidence and bravery from a very small age. Especially to daughters. You working or not working has nothing to do with it. But your lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence in yourself cannot instill the same in your daughter.
    I was raised by a working mother. The kind of confidence and bravery she has instilled in me is immense. She is a hardworking person and makes me look up to her.
    Another side is my grandmother. I spent my holidays with her.She is not educated. And believe me she had such clarity of thought that she can offer sound advice in all matters. And she is an inspiration for me too. My mother and grandmother are such strong willed people. Different in upbringing and education and working status but confident still.
     
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  4. mindwar

    mindwar Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi @anika987 ,

    Breaking down a smooth running house for a low paying job is not worth it. Think in terms of returns vs investment. What you need,IMO, is to be around people who encourage and appreciate you. Have you volunteered at your daughter's school? There are plenty of opportunities to help out the school,especially elementary. It's a lovely experience and your girl will be super happy to see you there. The teachers will thank you and you will feel satisfied and your time is well spent. Try out volunteering at a library. It gives you a chance to meet new people.

    Paying job is not the ultimate thing. you can prove your worth in many ways.
     
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  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987 - I wanted to respond earlier but I didn't have the time.
    First of all, you need to get a grip of your anxiety. Then, you can decide if you need to work/not etc. Once you make up your mind and it is not because of your anxiety, then you will be in a position to look at strategies and make it work. With your anxiety, all you will see is hurdles and roadblocks. Without it, you will find it in you, like a lot of women out there, who do it with infants and no support. Your anxiety is your biggest roadblock. Get it out of the way.

    Without working on your anxiety, you are not only making it hard for yourself, but also others around you. You might think that an anxious partner/parent/child won't rub it off on others but from personal experience, let me tell you that being on the receiving end of an anxiety ridden what ifs is very difficult to deal with. Even if it is someone you love, it is extremely hard to be around a person who is always anxious and that anxiety is making this person see only negatives. After pointing out ten positives, the person is back on the negative track. The receiver of the rant isn't a psychologist and has no idea how to deal with this. The other person thinks it's better to get immersed in something and stay away from the constant negativity that starts bringing you down. People start pulling away because it’s hard to support and think things are ok and again the cyclical anxiety strikes and the same set or a different set of thoughts are pulling both people down. With the same cyclical anxiety loop you are burning yourself out and your loved ones suffer too. This is a personal account from supporting someone with extreme anxiety. It’s difficult and without the right kind of help simply draining. Get help - the right kind of help.

    You have accepted that you have some kind of anxiety. You've had it for a while. It isn't going to go away in a day, week, month etc. You need to go for therapy and you need to follow up with your counselor. If you go for a few sessions and then don't follow through, you will be in the same situation again. Going for counseling is the first step. Following up is step #2,3,4,5 etc. You have to go back with what you have done and what it feels like and where you need more help. It will take a lot of time but is worth the effort. In the end, it will help you and your family.

    Now, coming to the work part. Yes, it is very difficult as time goes by to go to lunches, gym, vacations etc and see fulfillment(regardless of how much the spouse earns). I truly understand this and empathize with you. I also feel like when you take steps for your anxiety and start doing things for yourself, you will be able to see clearly what you want to try. Without a financial constraint you can find something that you really care to do.
     
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  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    What Laks09 said is 100% true. I am the living example who was forced to ditch a friend who wanted to talk about misery she had ( all nicely remembered from age 5 to age 45) but no help was welcomed. No advice acted upon.
    It is exhausting trust me. Her husband even more as she had no energy left for any of her goals ( even to cook or play with kids and she was sahm with a nice husband and sound financial status). Sulking had her drained and us!

    Many gave her advice for therapy and all of them including me are in her 'bad list' now... all people moved on while she searches a new ear to exhaust , has been like this since 10yrs. We feel bad but she is just writing off decades in her misery and wont help herself and is pretty comfortable in the misery not having to take any responsibility.

    Sorry Anika to distract but I needed to emphasise the truth in the above post.
    Are you ok considering some light therapy?.

    I am not saying you are like that lady...it was just a relavent example given out of my experience but just asking what you think.. only you know.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    There are smartphone app's for Therapy. Some names are just too darn odd. Happify ? I will download and see what that is.

    Best Therapy Apps
    The top 10 mental health apps
    • Moodnotes. iPhone: $3.99. ...
    • Moodpath. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • Pacifica. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • SuperBetter. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • 7 Cups. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • Anxiety Relief Hypnosis. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • Happify. Android: Free. iPhone: Free. ...
    • Talkspace. Android: Free. iPhone: Free.
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I got an appointment end of this month.Hope all goes okay
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Please follow through and keep asking for direction until you can do it yourself. In time, you will be able to recognize your trigger points and work with the CBT steps that your therapist has taught you to calm yourself down. You will learn to recognize the physical symptoms and sometimes will recognize it in others. It will even benefit if your spouse comes in and figures out how to help you before you go beyond a 5/6(on a scale from 1-10 where 1 is not being anxious). He maybe able to help you cope by coming for sessions and helping with the coping skills until you can do it yourself. I tried to resist posting this, deleted it multiple times but I felt like you my benefit from it. Take care and good luck.
     
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