sujjestion needed

Chaitanyab · Jul 20, 2013

1st incident:
DW gave birth to kid and my in-laws visited.
Jan 18th when their parents were here,We had argument.DW said she will go back to india and ask for L1 visa again as her L1 visa expired.If she doesn't get L1, I asked her to come H4.
I said My H1 is started from OCT 2012 So I can't come ask my mgr to transfer to India again as i got international transfered on feb 2012.After some 1 hr argumnet,Her mother told She will come to USA on H4 if she doesn't get L1 visa.

My parents should come after my inlaws left,But suddenly my brother-in-law was dead which was sudden shock to us,This was happened in sep 2012,during that time my sister was pregnant.
she gave birth to son and my parents are taking care of kid.They told they can next yr (in-laws came in nov ,they have visa till may.2mths india stay and asked them to come back again,after that my parents can come)

option1 : I told them instead of going to india (No visa once she left USA,She can stay here on i94 expiration date that is next yr jul), I will take care of kid (if wants to do the job)as i work from home.If I can't make it then we can put kid in day care.This is for 2mths,then I asked my inlaws to come after 2 mths.Then her mother shouted me and how you will take care of kid.
I am happy with any option do job or do not job.
option2 : I thought of sending kid with my inlaws to India after 2mths then come again with kid.Her parents told they won't take kid along with them if DW is not accompanying.

They didn't accept these options
Final outcome is i was epxecting her to join me after some months.

2nd incident:
DW told She will take leave for 6 mths and stay in india.Then I said why don't you come after 1-2 mths and stay with me if you decided to take leave.
Then she calls her mom and told that he doesn't want me to back to india.Some argument again she cried.

She went to India on Mar 25th and went to pune directly to her sister's home. Apr 23rd they came to VJA and Annarasana happaned at my house on apr 28th.May 15th they moved back to PUNE.
She was on leave till june.

I didn't tell my parents about these incidents at that time and told them she will be in INDIA for some mths.

June 1st:
My lease is ending here,Need to renew that.We both are in lease,she has to sign.I told her I will send the documents and aksed to her sign and send.
Then she was like very angry and shouted like antyhing,who told you that I come on H4.

I did n't talk to my wife for few days.That time I called you.
Then I told my parents that this is the situvation.During that time they said they will send her on H4 if L1 doesn't get.Now she is saying she won't come back on H4.

My parents thought that she is not listeing to her parents,they told her Peddamma(VJA).Her peddama doesn't know anything about these.Then She called DW and asked about this.

DW called my parents,Why you ppl told to my peddama in very angry mood and shouted.She told my parents that I tell 1000 lies.
My parents told we know whether DH lies are not.Some hot discussion with my parents.

The next day my parents called DW she didn't lift the phone,they want to convey a message that it is our fault that telling to her peddamma.

I thought situvation is going worse,then i called DW.I said call my parnets once.Then she said asked them to call her.
My dad called DW ,she talked with out any respect.He said it is our fault that telling to her peddamma.

She didn't send annaprasana photos ,i asked for 3-4 times.She doesn't take internet connection and not coming on skype.
She is not calling me.I am also not calling her.

How should i convince her to come here.

katochsimi · Jul 20, 2013

Dear Mr. chaitanya,

ur situations seems very crutial..anyways just wanted to know that how was ur relation before child?? and how long are you married..?
might be some misunderstanding must have occured and you missed that incidence to mention...if not then why is she behaving so strange? there must be some very strong reason for that first you have to identify that reason

Chaitanyab · Jul 20, 2013

Before child also i had other issue.posted this.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/157433-sujjestion-needed.html

guesshoo · Jul 20, 2013

Hi Op,

I'm sorry about the situation you are in. It sounds as though your wife is being unreasonable. Clearly she has some unresolved issues which she hasn't been well in communicating. Without communication, here can't be a resolution. Hence I suggest that you go through a professional mediator or marriage counsellor. Try to find someone in the town she lives in. Send your wife an email or talk to her dad that you would like all your issues to be sorted out through counselling. It would be good if you can go to India for a week or two to get it resolved.

Good luck

nicegirlradhi · Jul 20, 2013

OP, just asking, how is your wife with you otherwise, Is there any good and friendly relationship with between you both?

going by your previous post and that of this, either she is not interested in marriage life or not interested in sex life. unfortunately, you have gone for a kid without knowing and addressing her problem. Ask your parents to not call her again as she seems to be upset with their intervention. If she has gone to silent mode, wait till she return herself and dont be behind her.

she has to know the reality. since you said in other thread she is more interested in career and not in your marriage, if visa problem doesnt solve she may not join you any sooner. accept this fact and take further steps.

Chaitanyab · Jul 21, 2013

During our last talk .She told her parents that I beated her suring 5th mth of pregannacy.
Then her mother and sister joins her and shouted, why did you beat.
Then I am explaing her that issue is not happened in 5th mth, it was on Mar 2012 before pregnancy,That to I didn't beat.First she scrached with nails and then scratched.
I can hear the words that her mother is going to file case on me.
Issue: She only talks with her sister and parents.When my I call my relatives they ask how is DW.When ever I give phone to talk with them,She says she doesn't have moode to talk or she is busy.Finally that day i asked why everytime time saying like that ,it just matter saying hello ,how are you?

After that She said you beated me on 6th week of pregnancy.
I went to Sanfrancisco for 1 week in mar 2012.When I come back from SFO,She rejected me and said that she doesn't get period.Then we waited for some 1 week and got the doctor appt.
Before going to the doctor we thought of asking the doctor whether we can proceed further or not.
We went to the doctor,preganency confirmed everything is ok.I asked the doctor as she feels shy.Doctor said we can proceed further no issue.
That day night she again rejected me,we had arugumet again.Doctor said ok ,then again what is the issue.She slapped me ,then I slapped.
She doesn't allow me to do any IC during pregannacy time.She slept on living room and I slept on bed.
One of her firend told her that during preganncy she slept on sofa.She followed the same here for 9 mths.

Then her parents called my dad and told that get your son to India.Also they said they are going to put me in jail.

I said two options Is there anything Wrong in this?
She and her parents thinks those options are not feasible.
option1 : I told them instead of going to india (No visa once she left USA,She can stay here on i94 expiration date that is next yr jul), I will take care of kid (if wants to do the job)as i work from home.If I can't make it then we can put kid in day care.This is for 2mths,then I asked my inlaws to come after 2 mths.Then her mother shouted me and how you will take care of kid.
I am happy with any option do job or do not job.
option2 : I thought of sending kid with my inlaws to India after 2mths then come again with kid.Her parents told they won't take kid along with them if DW is not accompanying.

katochsimi · Jul 22, 2013

hmmm...chaitanya i read somewhere "there are always 3 stories...ur story...my story and real story"..this is what all you feel...but there may be something which she also feels..dear for a successful marriage before two body meets there should be 2 heart/sould attachment....and in some case this take time but takes for sure...
so just relax..give her time and urself too...but here i feel more then our suggessions it is more important what YOUR HEART SAYS...and always listen to it..

Iamagoodgirl · Jul 22, 2013

That day night she again rejected me,we had arugumet again.Doctor said ok ,then again what is the issue.She slapped me ,then I slapped.
She doesn't allow me to do any IC during pregannacy time.She slept on living room and I slept on bed.

If she doesnt feel like having sex then she doesnt. Why are you arguing with her over this and slapping each other.I personally feel this whole thing has really gone out of control.You need professional counseling or ask elder people in family to sit and solve the issue ( off course if can be fair ).

Chaitanyab · Jan 17, 2014

Finally I came to india Oct 24th.I went to pune on the occasion of diwali (nov1 to nov4th).Then I went to pune for my kid bday(nov 20 to nov 25).
I asked her to come on h4 next year we wil get h1 from some consultancy.
after some talks she agreed to come in the next year if h1 gets approved(dec4).I was in happy mood that she will join with me.Dec5,She put a 498a case on me.she menstioned in the complaint that i came to pune and demanded for 20 lac extra dowry,2nd point ,I am planning to apply for green card and settle there by marrying another girl .police has seized my passport.They want me to stop to go toUSA.To that they filed false case.Not sure what to do.