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Sujjestion needed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Chaitanyab, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ,
    She atleast has to put her hands on u during bike rides.. this is making me wonder..
    Give her some more time, keep taking her out, spend some time , talk jovial things..this way she will get attracted to u and things be fine..
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    I would also wonder about her orientation. One more point to be investigated along with the question about whether she was forced into marriage, had any past history etc.
     
  4. Chaitanyab

    Chaitanyab New IL'ite

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    Seems shes doesn't have any past history.
    During first week after our marriage asked,her whether you interested in me or your parents had forced you.Then she said she was interested.

    she thinks only about making money,technology ,if i talk about that only she responds otherwise no response and also says what i should i give response for this.

    if i some thing she doesn't do,and thinks like why should i do this and says she was not interested.

    eg: I asked to wear a saree once(not daily just for hour on week end) after our marriage,till now she didn't wear.Looks this is small incident.There are several incidents like that.

    She thinks like she is independent doesn't want support from anybody.

    Relationship should not be like that,respect for each other and live together.
     
  5. Ganaraya

    Ganaraya Bronze IL'ite

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    there is something about sex that is clearly making her feel uncomfortable. unless you were suggesting kinky stuff, talk of "respectful family" suggests there is some kind of wrong association with sex in her mind. there are ways to resolve this provided she understands that this a problem and she needs help overcoming it. she is unprepared to acknowledge it to herself and so, chooses to immerse herself in work and career. given her hangups, you or close family might not be able to get past these.

    talk to her and tell her it's not just about sex, but the level of closeness and intimacy it signifies in a relationship. she needs to be reasonable about resolving this and talk to a sensitive and experienced counselor jointly and individually.

    during this time, don't pressure her about sex, but maintain affection.
     
  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Just a thought from my side.Do you know whether she was victim of child s** abuse?I have heard that ladies who are victims of child abuse might have an aversion towards s**.

    Or may be she is forced to marry you.I do not buy her from "respectable family" story as she herself would know that Kids are not born out of pooja.
     
  7. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    She may not have a past. But don't make any more guesses about what the problem could be. Maybe its just as simple as what you already mentioned about her. She's just an independent person. That could be a simple thing to solve too.
    Find out if there is someone in her family you could talk to about this, someone to confide in and who'd be able to help her. Or like everyone's suggesting here, seek outside help.

    Ask her if she is up to it. Giver her more time if necessary but make sure she does not feel suffocated by all this talk over and over again.

    But take some steps about this in time.
     
  8. ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

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    This is like a story shown in the old Tamil film " Moham muppathu varusham"
     
  9. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Chaitanyab,

    Be a man for god sake! You need to sit down and explain to your wife that being intimate is a very important part of being married. She needs to understand that a lack of intimacy will ultimately lead to a failed marriage, and this is one of the few expectations you had when you got married in the first place.

    My Fiance knows perfectly well how important intimacy is. Initially she wasn't really into it either, but that changed when I explained its importance. Things couldn't be better. Be a man...

    ABCDGUY


     

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