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Sujjestion needed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Chaitanyab, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. Chaitanyab

    Chaitanyab New IL'ite

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    she told me she needs some personal space.she doesn't want to share with me some details.i told i don't have any issues i share everything(passowrds or chatting).
    She told me that I am wrong ,I need to have personal as per her sujjesion.

    She always talks mine and hers.I told her after marriage we should always think about ours,not mine and yours.

    I am thinking We were like room mates who shares work and money.
     
  2. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Well I guess she is not an easy one to crack :). But have patience pal.
    Keeping your own space private is necessary. I certainly would lie it that way. I believe in an open relationship, but at the same time I should not have to share absolutely EVERYTHING with him to make him believe I am loyal to him. It applies the other way round too.

    If she still feels like she is on her own, like everyone mentioned earlier, start doing things together more often.
    Buy something for the house together. Tell her that would belong to both of you. Get some photos framed from your wedding and keep stuff around the house that signifies that you are more than a room mates.
     
  3. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    some 10 to 11 months i guess. obviously your ways dint work so well. so i would stop talking to her about it (do what you have been doign befor marriage, so you dont get frustrated).she could become more hostlie abotu the matter and will not enjoy it when forced. How can anybody who accept it on force would show interest in doign it and will like it. you have to give her time (i know you gaev her a lot of time but wit was with the old approach now try a diff approach give ehr time:) she has been showing progress too - dont you think? but at a dead slow rate lol. i know this could get really frustrating but if you want it - you have to find a soulution - and work on it.
    Soem girls have zero exposure on such stuff - you would be surprised to know what some of such girls think bt such things. ...............accept that, and ocncetrate more on somethign else for now gogin out, n every other stuff except ***. She needs that cofnidence to come to you. She can only build that when you dont force her. If you want tell her that. i think she will come to speed.
     
  4. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL she is funny. sorry Chaitanya but i foundt that funny :)
     
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  5. Chaitanyab

    Chaitanyab New IL'ite

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    Some times I loose my patience, still I am waiting to see some change in her.
    She doesn't even try know how wife behaves with husband.I asked her check with your frds,she doesn't do that.Always her frd circle talk about business and work related.If talk about sex ,she doesn't talk close her ears.

    i was very surprised by the following incidents.

    1.During my first week after our marriage,She said " If you want sex you should have married 22 yr old girl" she is 28 yrs old and she doesn't have that much sex desire(ladie after age 26 don't have strong desire to participate in sex in her opinion)

    2.When she was on my bike,she sits like touch me not,I asked her put your hand on my shoulder for support,she doesn't even do that and said if you want touchings ride with a girl frd.
     
  6. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Hi Chaitanya

    Went through your story.
    1. Please don't force her for sex or argue for sex. This will give her the impression that you are only behind sex.
    2. Try to find out if her parents forced her to get married or she had a BF before marriage and had a heart break since parents did not allow her to get married to that guy or the guy left her and she was heartbroken etc. But don't ask her directly. Try to find out indirectly by talking with her. Maybe she thinks marriage and love is all bull****.
    3. I know people ( males and females) they dont want to marry just want to stay single all their life and die single. So may be her approach to life is like that. May be she did not want to get married and her parents forced her

    I would suggest take your time, do some romantic things like flowers, go out for lunch dinner. Try to show that you are and you love her, It will take time but hey what can you do..right?
     
  7. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Ok, the change isn't going to happen if you don't find out what the underlying cause is...is it misinformation, is it extreme stress or is it trauma? Work on that first. The patience will kick in if you know you are going in the right direction...if you get confrontational it will only make her withdraw even more.

    Involve her in the process...'whom should we ask for help? Would you be comfortable if we spoke to some family member as opposed to a stranger?'

    She may do better with someone she knows...
     
  8. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Chaitanyab,
    Now I'd say its time to talk things out for good. If I were in your place, I'd be worried about the long term implications of all that you mentioned in the previous post.

    Get outside help right away. Find a counsellor and get things out in the open. Sex may not be the most important thing on earth, but it is necessary in a marriage.

    Tell her its for your own good and future - the two of you.
     
  9. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    i guess she just doesn't want to be submissive and loose her identity.so she appears to be matured

    just sit and talk with her.allow her to talk and listen to her about what she wants in life,how she wants her husband to behave,what her future plans are,the environment in which she grew up and so on.she might not open up in the begining but once she knows that you are listening she will open up.allow her to share her thoughts.

    love and patience alone is the key.i couldn't think of any shortcuts to your issue.
     
  10. Butterfly6

    Butterfly6 New IL'ite

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    I don't know what to say except from what you are telling us it seems like either she was forced into this marriage, she had a boyfriend or something happened to her when she was growing up with some male counterpart. She seems stubborn and i do not know how much patience you have in you.. There are definitely some underlying reasons behind all this behavior.
     

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