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Suggestions please to change my dh's mind

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by confusedwifey, Sep 2, 2012.

  1. confusedwifey

    confusedwifey New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I have been a silent reader of il's.I am really amazed how the open discussions have given much needed advise to the marital problems.
    Iam a maried 12 yrs. dh is good in the sence he gives me the much needed freedom in terms of visiting my parents place, continuing my studies after marriage, dressing up like the way i like etc., Overall i am happy with him.
    But as usual i hve inlaws prblems. My inlaws are a greedy lot wanting to spend all our hard earned money to spend on their luxuriies.My bil and his fmly stay with my inlwas. My fil still is active so he feeds my bil and fmly. And huge expenditure like building house , get electronic gadgets etc.,is done by my dh.
    My dilema is i have been married for so long but no child. I have some personal pblem which has denied me motherhoood.Iam still under treeatment for that.As my biologiical cloock is ticking away i wanted to try aartificial methods to become mom.My dh readily agreed & i came to pareent's place and started enquiiring about treatment .But before we could start the treatmment my dh said to stop and said we need not go for it. When i was at my parrent's house my dh visited inlaw's and then the pblem started.I am trying hard to convince him but he is getting more anngry for forcing him.
    i am still at my parents housse .When i am keeeping quiet now & tell my dh that i want to join him he is not saying yes.He says i will make his life difficult by asking him about the treattment.I promised him i will not bother but he says i will be like that for time being and then again i will ask him .I am feeling very depressive i don't know what to do.I am feelinmg low .I want to be a mom but everything is going against me.Any prayer to any god can anybody suggest so that i can change my dh mind.Please help me out of this siituation.
     
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  2. mysticdiva

    mysticdiva Silver IL'ite

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    hi confusedwifey,
    your inlaws are trying to brainwash ur dh and he seems to be falling for it....why dont you have a open discussion with him about the whole issue..if he has been a good husband so far I am sure he will understand you...just tell him that whatever we decide to do,we will do it only when both agree to it.try to join him soon cos if he is already saying that he is not going to take you back,that means ur inlaws and Dh have already made some plans(like gettting married again)'I am not meaning to scare you but just be cautious....
    regarding getting pregnant,dont lose hope..things will fall in place.I conceived after 6 years of marriage and after facing two m/c..so trust in god,all will be fine.take care.
     
  3. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    Talk to your husband. Find out whether or not he wants kids. What is his parents role in this? Why is he suddenly changing his mind? You need to find this out before working on a solution.
     
  4. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    agree with Parvathi

    have a frank and practical chat (not emotional) ask him what does he want;...havin baby needs involvement of both partners...

    was he ok earlier with assisted reproduction and now suddenly backing out???
     
  5. swtsaju

    swtsaju Bronze IL'ite

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    hi, i would suggest you to let him know the importance of trying to have a baby before its too late... you can send him articles from web relating to it... and how important age is for such matters... he might get it then. Also try to make him understand that its your and his life to make decisions and that your in laws hav already had their share of life and had babies! so if he dont decide then its only you his and your loss... try to make him understand it calmly... or mail him... but make sure to keep the conversation sweet...
     
  6. monu21

    monu21 Senior IL'ite

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    hi,first and foremost is open discussion with ur husband as other IL's said.tell him how life would change when a child comes in to the family..try to convince that no one can understand ur feelings reg baby except him....all the conversation should b smooth.so b patient while talking this matter...
     
  7. confusedwifey

    confusedwifey New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Thank you all ladies for giveing me suggesstions.
    more info abut my prblem.
    My dh is a very reserrved person so he does not open upmuch.On the other hand i talk a lot so whatever i have in mind

    comes out of my mouth.So my dh feels i am a nagging wife.I don't earn but when it comes to finaances i am always worried

    abut futurre so i believe in savingg and investiing a lot.My dh is not into much savingg and investiing.And this rule he follows

    because of his mom.She always keeps telling my dh i am money minded and this has made my hubby think i am only after

    his moneey.Intiallyhe usedto always praiise me that i have got a very intellligent wiife who does not spend more than limit

    even if he give more money,crediit card etc., butnow the equation has changed he is repeating my mil's speech that i am

    only after his money and i am not contributiing anything from my endd.
    Again like most of the ffemale i cry a lot i am an emotiional person.Before marriiage i was not like that.Doctors say it is bcoz

    of harmonall issues.My husband hates me if i cryor pour out my emotiions. If my mil cries(always she does drama and pours

    out crocodile tears at the ddrop of thehat) it is ok but if i do the same he gets very willd.I have my own health issues like

    thyroid etc., which makes me to loose my coool nd cry etc., but i am trying hard to stop all this but my dh doesnot

    understand my condition.
    Regarding chiildren my dh is not too found of kids like friiends children or neiighbours or relatiives kids (but when it comes to

    his brother's 2 kids he will be like a very loviing nd carring uncle meetting their all demands..don't know why that speciial

    attentiion to those kids????) When i said we need to go for artiificial treatment to have a chiild he said he will whole

    heardtedly support me for it but all of a suuden for no good reason he is stopping me to do the treatment.I have mailed and

    asked him what is the reason he never replies me.I have a feeling my mil is doing all this but i have no proof.I have become

    very depressive after this event.My parents cannot interfere in this because he will pinpoint that i am not fit to be a mother

    naturaally. Moreover my father is a totally different person when dealing with relationship issues.My father doesnot know

    how to handle ,my father becomes very aggresive so i am helpless in asking my parents to intervene
    One more issue my dh wanted me to be employed not for earning extra iincome but to show of among his friends nd relatives

    that he has got a working wife. I am well educated and i was working before marriage but once i got married moved to new

    place i did not work.And then i continued with my higher studies after sume time. after that i never felt like going for a job after such a long break nd health issuues.I have 3 sisters all of them are working and they always say i shd also go to a job.My issue is if i go for a job my dh will spend even more money on his brother and inlwas family as he will have more money left at his disposal.That is one of the reasons i am not working.Again i feel if i am busy with my careeer he will be in contact with his extended familly more.This situation has happened when iwas busy with my higher education. Please ladies i need to know whether this decision of me not working is right or not.Again i have no problem with finances means my dh gives me enough money to spend on my all needs.
    Because my dh is good to me in all other aspects i have become very confused how to not get angry and convince we should

    plan for a child soon.I am also a religious person so please tell me any prayer mantra to get my hisband on track to become

    a father and to beget a child soon.
    Astrological we have some issues in begetting a child. If i have to do any prayer my husband will not co-operate as he does

    not believe in astrology and God stuff.
    somewhere i feel we have lot of compatibility issues.
    As of now i am not keeping contact with my inlwas very much.Because if i speak to my mil she will makeme angry and i loose

    my cool.So i am trying to avoid her.
    Please ladies suggest me how to make my husband listen to me and enter into parent hood.
     

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