Suggestions Needed(sweety127)

You can't always avoid in laws, particularly MIL in this case while you live in the same country. If not today, you may be required to patch up with her sometimes soon. Your kiddo is growing, and her first birthday may be approaching, so regardless of your preference, you may be forced to accept MIL at your place and vis-a-vis.
So, being the bigger person here would be less damaging according to my experience.
If you avoid this trip citing old issue, and create a long face when MIL is invited here for a visit, then your H would eventually ignore your reactions to get what he wants.i.e to interact with his mom, interact the kid with his mom.
This way, you may witness the things the go out of your hand. Better, have the control string in your hand in this matter.

 

@sweety127
I can understand the turmoil you had to go through because of your MIL. But now that she isn't there and you have some degree of freedom, you can use this opportunity to set the equations right with your DH.
See...if you continue to avoid your MIL despite her calling you, a time will come when your DH will start ignoring you. On a more humanely ground too, as she being a single mother, your DH would never like to see his mother suffering.
Please start talking to her. You may choose to be not much close to her but please be on talking terms with her.
This way you will gain much appreciation n affection of your DH. Moreover...you would always like your DD to grow in a house where there's positivity and love....not pessimism and loathe.

 

Do you want to talk sweety?
Do you want to go?
Can you deal with the drama of going there ?
If yes...then do it.
If no...then don't.
Your husband takes you for granted and thinks a little bit of bandaid action will solve all the problems. You are working woman with a small child ,unemployed husband and the non enviable situation of having this lady as your mil. You need peace at home .

If you are not ready...just tell him you are not ready to forget and forgive yet. You will decide when you want to start talking or visiting .Tell him he is free to visit himself .

Your mil is a dependent widow...but she has two children to take care of her .You are taking care of the family in every way.
If she wants to be a part of your life ,she should learn to behave properly with her dil.

Best Wishes sweety .

 

@sweety, I was in your shoes exactly 4 years back. I had a tough time with PILs, and eventually I moved out and started my life peacefully with H and kiddo very far away from them. I have totally avoided them. No calls, no visits, no discussions about them at all.
H maintained a solo relationship with them, and I would always deny whatever his suggestions to bring them here to my place or visit them there.
One day, I was invited to BIL's bride seeing event and I rejected bluntly. He suddenly decided to take my kiddo who was just 3 years to that event. I could not stop him from doing this, though I had stopped him several times in the past; thus never allowed kiddo alone. This time, he was very rough and determined as it was almost a decision making event in his bro's life.
The next time when BIL got married, I did not fuss. Rather I expected a formal invite, which they happily did.
I knew, H will make it a habit of taking kids to PILs place as often as they like if I continue to deny visiting them. By this either I could be ignored completely or lose my control in my marriage with a label as a trouble maker.

Since then, I have learnt to accept his side of the family as an important part of our extended family. But I have always maintained a good border with them.
Even today, I visit them and they do visit me and everything between us have changed for good. The kids enjoy the love of their paternal grand-parents, and my H is double happy for this peaceful life. But the control string is with me.
Whenever I am expected in my PIL's place, I make my H promise that he would take care of me by always keeping an eye of the things there. He knows that I would deny visiting them and everything will be back to square 1 if he fails to protect me. So, he controls his FOO before hand.
Since his FOO is very clear that my H is on my side hence there to protect me, they will not dare to abuse me ever again.

Had I chose to stay away from his family due to my genuine reasons, I am sure I would have lost the true love of my H long back. If H is not on my side, no amount of distance from PILs can save me.

 

Hi Sweety(all)
Im a bachelor, (young unmarried) not much into famly maters, but quiet known about somthin.

Everywhere, people want women to go under all circumstances whatever people bring them into!
In your case, if you are desperately in hatred on ur mil, then u sud keep quiet, and i think u dont need to speak. And if u don lik goin ter, avoid it for now or if u want to go coz of ur hubby's enforcement then u sud behave wise enough by keep urself mouth shut.

And in all cases, the case sud be heard on both clients speech! here u spoken, wr is ur mil's?
from whose end the problem is? we dont know! but be careful, she is dependent on ur H, and she has no other go, what will u do if u r in ur mil's shoes?

" Do what you expect others to do unto you"

A real woman sud keep her family peaceful and joyful ( in terms with adjusting with all her hubby's surroundings but not to give up her respect and her place )

Avoid hatred, avoid revenging, but if ur mil hurt u truly without any cause, then u keep quiet for sometime.

As for now going ter wont spoil ur happiness, but the quietness which u will be having will value a lot.

(Sorry for my language if u cudn understand)