Suggestion Needed

lalithasharma9 · Nov 13, 2016

Hello Friends,

I am silent reader in this forum and today I need suggestion from you all.
I got married around 3.5 years back and i have reasonably good relation with inlaws, initially I had very good relation now I dont say it is bad but there is some gap.
To breif up slightly while I was pregnant with my baby and was in beginning of last trimester , inlaws scolded me on a silly issue and i was stressed out later i lost my child in next 10 days in birth. Doctors told i was perfectly healthy and dont know reason for losing a baby.Now i forgot all
of that and got a healthy baby now and i took break in career.

My inlaws visited us for 6 months.Mil is giving me silent treatment, I wake up daily prepare lunch , do cleaning , dishes and take care of baby and cook dinner for all. But they dont eat well. They just leave impression that i m not cooking good all the dishes will be left. They dont eat left overs me and my husband eat all left overs. I feel bad, if she doesnt like what i cook, she should cook for herself but she is not interested to cook, she want me to do that. I dont mind doing it but if they dont eat i feel guilty inside. if i ask them if you eat this veggie they say we eat all veggies we dont have restrictions but that is not true.

Not only in food in many things she just behave differently. for example if there is some thing which needs to be trashed or put in sink if that was used by me she wont put she will just leave like that. on other hand i wont show any difference at all.

I never fought with her , that was only time they fought for some gifts. Later she used to use harsh voice for certain things i ignored. she used to do order certain things i obeyed. Now if i dont like some thing i will tell my opinion thats the difference.

my issues are silly she never stayed with her inlaws nor allows them to stay with them. i feel she is insecure or i dont know or some times i feel she ruled the house on her own all these years and now she is unable to adjust with dils,her inlaws stay far and i personally have good relation with them. They have never bad mouthed her till now but she has bad mouthed about them to me.I have good relation with their extended family and i have never discussed about her with any of them.

now what should i do friends i m makkng 3 varieties a day so that they eat atleast one dish, i dont want to tell this to my husband. how to deal this?

vanithaudt · Nov 13, 2016

First of all you must not take stress as it affects your health and relationships with your husband. I really regret our Indian dil-ILs system. all the living beings are not like this. uou got to live your life. you are not their servent. If she does silent treatment and never mind. concentrate on your child and hubby. you are needed for your child
Everything comes next. you are looking afteer a child and cook for them what sort of insensitive people are they to dishonour you. If you dont put them in their place now , you cant for ever. dont use words . Honest people suffer a lot in the relationships at times you got to be cheeky. dont get stressed darling you must be happy.

MalStrom · Nov 13, 2016

They are adults. If they want to go on a hunger strike or start dieting it is their wish. As long as you provide good nutritious food in plenty your job is done. Don't run after them and beg them to eat. It just feeds their ego. Cook as you usually do, announce when meals are served and leave the food on the table. They can eat it or not.
If your MIL ignores you simply go focus on your baby. Once they see that their antics are not having any effect on you they will start behaving normally.

lalithasharma9 · Nov 13, 2016

thank u friends for your suggestions.

coolgal123 · Nov 14, 2016

Just ask them once, that they can tell you to cook if they want to eat some specific dish, rest ignore whether they are eating properly or not. they are not children , they know how much they should eat. if they are not liking the food they are free to cook themselves, itd not as if you have stopped them from cooking.
If they have any concerns they can voices them out. you stop making a guess and focus on your family...
Ignore their tantrum of not eating properly and silent treatment.